I fucking can’t stand it anymore. Every day, I want to cry. I’m having anxiety attacks over things that normally wouldn’t bother me.
My fucking car broke down, the one I have a years worth of payments on. The engine (head?) cracked and I can’t afford to fix it or even buy a little crapper to drive around in. I can’t afford to finance another car because the payments would be outragous.
My freaking, clothes dryer broke down too. For the same reasons listed above, I can’t get another one right away. Since it’s winter, I can’t hang the clothes to dry, they come back frozen, so I’ve got wet clothes all over the house.
I’ve got to come up with the cash to buy Christmas presents for the kids and a tree. By the 31st, I have to have the money to pay the taxes on the house. And I haven’t even sent my mortgage payment yet, it’s due on the first of every month, because I don’t have the money in the account yet and I won’t have it until next week. It’s a private mortgage, so I’m terrified that the mortgage holders will demand the balance up front, which I certainly don’t have, and I would lose my house.
When I read your thread title I was thinking about a “meeee toooo!” post, but having read the OP, my life sucks much less than yours. So thanks for the perspective.
Anyway, hang in there. Things will work out. Now, I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout nothin’, but I find it really hard to believe that you’ll lose your house over one late mortgage payment. And, speaking as a someone who went through a few thin Christmases as a kid, your kids will cope if they just get something small on Christmas, as long as you can come through with that thingamabob that they just gotta gotta have, eventually.
And maybe you could go to the laundromat until your dryer’s fixed? Yeah, it costs money, but you wouldn’t have damp clothes everywhere.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you’ll come through this.
As for your car – repairs can be expensive. Try getting an estimate of what it would cost. If you have good credit, you could put the repair on a credit card and pay it off in reasonable installments over time. Also, go to another repair shop. Some of them are good, some are crooks. I once went to a shop that I needed to replace all the hoses on my engine for $1600. I said I’d do it at a later date. Four years later, when I sold the car, I’d put maybe $100 in hose replacements into it. Yes, some repair shops will try to hose you. Well, one sure tried to hose me.
Geez, that’s lousy! What a run of bad luck! Those spells are awful.
It will get better!!!
Personally, I’d skip the live tree if I had to cut expenses. Actually we’re not putting up a tree at all this year b/c it’s just too dangerous with the babies crawling. I’m just going to put ornaments in bowls & lights on the shelves (up high and out of reach). I know a “can’t afford to” feels different than a “choose not to”, but maybe there’s a way you could feel some choices here?
I’ve been doing a lot of my shopping at the thrift stores & resale shops. There are a lot of pretty Xmas decorations on sale, maybe you could find a little fake tree for a buck?
Another nice thing we’ve done in some lean years is go to a pretty Christmas pageant at a church. It’s fun and festive - maybe something different would be a good distraction?
I guess my biggest worries right now and the mortgage payment, it was due on the first and I will sent it out next week, I just hope it’ll all be OK, and the taxes.
I’m not even sure the timing of the mortgage payment matters to them that much, although, until now, I’ve always sent it on time, she never cashes the thing until the end of the month.
Yes. Nothing in life stays the same - not the good, and not the bad. This idea has gotten me through some dark patches.
In all your stress, are you forgetting to nurture yourself? A lot of people with kids (frankly, without kids, too) forget to take the time to look after themselves, so they can look after everyone else. Do whatever you can to eat right, get enough sleep, exercise, and take a few minutes each day just for yourself.
It’s hard not to do when everything seems to be crashing down around you, but focusing on the negatives in your life never helps. Try to focus on the positive - your kids are healthy, you have a clean place to live, you live in a country where you have lots of options.
First, commiserations on all the sucky things that have happened lately. I know it feels completely overwhelming to have it all happen concurrently. The motto for today is “Don’t worry. Do something.” With that in mind, let’s break this mass of problems down into their component parts to better deal with them:
Mortgage payment…CALL THE HOLDERS OF THE LOAN TODAYBEFORE THEY CALL YOU. If you can give them a portion of the money today tell them that. Tell them when you can have the rest and ask about any late fees. If this is your first time I’m sure they’ll be understanding.
Property taxes. What will happen when you don’t pay them by the 31st? Probably nothing except that you’ll incur late fees. It may be different in your area, but in SO MD they will give you until May of the following year to pay the taxes and you can pay in installments. Of course there is a small fee attached to each payment which makes it a little more expensive than paying in one lump sum. The point is, you may be able to use your tax return (if applicable) to pay the taxes if you can’t use your regular household income. Check your county/state treasurer’s office online or give them a call and ask.
In the winter back when we were really poorer and had only a washing machine, each evening my family would wash only the clothes needed for the next day then hang them on clothes hangers and place them in front of a fan or two in a room that was out of the way. They would be dry by the morning. Might be something to think about if you want to avoid having wet clothes all over the place.
Christmas. How old are your kids? If they’re 10 & up maybe you could talk to them and explain the situation. Tell them you can get them one thing (maybe 30 bucks or less each) and then for spring break you’ll take them somewhere as a delayed Christmas gift?
Car. EvilCaptor’s post bears repeating:
I’m sure things will work out. Take deep breaths and take each thing a step at a time.
I called the mortgage holders and left them a message. I’ve never been late before and I just hope they won’t do anything, why would they ? It’s not a habit that we make of it. I would think that it would be much more work for them to take the house back, then just take a late payment, right ? Someone tell me that things will be OK with the house !
We had a check for them bounce once, back in May, as soon as I found out about it, I sent them a new check with a $30.00 fee and never heard a word about it.
I’m not just saying this to make you feel better: you are right about the mortgage payment. If they take the house back over this, it could sit empty for months and months before someone buys it (so they won’t be making any money those months), and then there’s no guarantee that the folks who do buy it will be prompt payers. If you have a good history, it is in their best interest to work with you. Things will be OK with the house!
Trust me, I know exactly how you feel; this past year, including this month, has been the financially suckiest we’ve ever had! We’re looking for things to turn around soon, but in the meantime, it’s very stressful!
If you don’t take birth control pills, you might want to look into taking some St. John’s Wort every day; it’s helped me with anxiety (but it reduces the effectivenss of bc pills, and I can’t think of many things that are more stressful than an unplanned pregnancy when you’re broke!).
Re: the car repair - I don’t know if this is an option with the part you need, but in some cases you can save money by purchasing used rather than new parts. How much you save depends on how much labor is involved, of course. Sometimes used parts don’t last as long, but if you’re in a pinch & need a quick fix it might be worth looking into.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. We’ve had some rough patches too, and it WILL get better.
Don’t know about your mortgage company, but mine has on the slip you send back that while it’s due on the first, they don’t apply the late charge til the 16th (mine is set up as $X due on month/1, and $Y due after month/16, so you can pay the late fee right up front and not be confronted with it on the next bill), so it’s possible that if you do get it sent next week, you’ll still be OK.
Your location is NEPA, and I don’t know what that means, but if you happen to be in my general area, I have a perfectly good dryer you can have for free. Previous owners of my house left it behind and I’m happy to give it to anyone who’ll remove it from my garage. Email’s in the profile if you’re interested.
Re: the car. If it’s a cracked block, and still runs, you can just keep driving it. What else can you do to it, after all? It’ll leak rad fluid, so what. Replacement rad fluid is waaaaay cheaper than a new engine.
If it’s a cracked head, that’s a different kettle of fish. It’ll still hemorrhage coolant, but it’ll go a lot faster. If that’s the case, I second the “try to get a used one” suggestion made by fessie. Check your Yellow Pages for junkyards and explain to them what you need - most of 'em keep a lot of stuff like that on hand for the backyard mechanic. Many of them will even have it waiting for you for an extra fee - some may only charge $5 or so extra (so you don’t have to take it off the car yourself).
Then ask the local fix-it shops how much they’d charge to replace the broken part if you brought in your own replacement. Some shops will do this, many will not, but you never know till you try. You’ll have to agree that the repair isn’t under any kind of warranty or anything, since they won’t guarantee a repair with a used part they didn’t pick out, but you may be able to save a bundle. Or, you could ask your friends if someone can help you out with the car - that you can get a new part for it, but you just don’t know how to fix it. Maybe someone knows a backyard mechanic that’ll help you out.