… or too tasty, or too something. I was working in my back yard earlier this week and I must have been wearing my All-You-Can-Eat-FCM sign. I’ve got welts all over my arms and legs. I couldn’t sleep last night for the itching. Even the hydrocortisone anti-itch cream did nothing.
Yeah, I shoulda been wearing bug repellant, but I honestly didn’t intend to be working in the yard - the dogs got out again and came home muddy and I had to hose them down then repair the gate that they destroyed then reposition the electric fence line… anyway, I was angry and hot and in no mood to deal with any of that and the last thing on my mind was the bottle of Cutter in the laundry room.
So I’ve got bites on both arms and both legs. Why me? What is it about me that makes bugs want to chow down? And more importantly, why couldn’t I get men to nibble when I was young and energetic and available?? Life is so unfair.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find the hydrocortisone and give it ONE MORE CHANCE!!
Oh, no, you had to mention chiggers. Now I’ll have that dream again…it’s been 12 years since I left Georgia, but the insects still haunt me…a hairbrush makes an effective, yet ultimately futile scratching tool.
But seriously, FCM, someone once told me that blood type (or rH factor) was implicated in who got bit the most. Seemed to hold true in my family…all us B negatives would get munched on while the two who weren’t were bite-free…and they tanned better!
Has anyone else heard of a blood-type/factor connection to being attractive to bugs? Dad always said only the sweet ones get bit…doesn’t help much when you’re trying to claw your skin off…
I know that when I get bites I have allergic reactions. If I get too many, it is time for me to take some Benadryl. At least that is not happening to you.
Benadryl pills also help.
Don’t rule out chiggers, red welts, working in the yard, could be… Unless FCM saw flying beasties attacking. And having been covered head to toe, and points inbetween, with chiggers (or red bugs, if you prefer), I wouldn’t wish it on (nearly) anybody, and certainly not a fine a person as FCM.
nasty beasties that like to congregate at points of restiction - the top of shoes, top of socks, other places where elastic is (tighty whities are not a good thing in chigger country)
[Condescending cat mode]That, my dear hairless humans, is why we cats have a very useful, very interesting thing called fur…[/condescending cat mode] I swear, it’s the only reason I put up with having about half a kilo of fur on me…
Heh. I have this theory that newcomers to Taiwan (“fresh blood”, if you will) are more attractive to mosquitoes here than people who’ve been here for a while. “Fresh blood” may also apply to little kids/babies/children, if my kid sister is to be believed… she gets dozens of welts in the summer.
As a native Jacksonvillian, I can testify to the mosquitoes the size of fruit bats. Also to the scent of paper mills, though that’s mostly gone; it was unmistakeable in the 70s.
As far as getting biters to leave you alone, I’ve heard a couple of theories, neither of which sounds convincing:
One theory says that mosquitoes find you by following the trail of CO<sub>2</sub> in your exhalations, so having a fan blowing on you at all times will help. This seems far-fetched, although in North Floridian climates, any reason to have a fan is a good one. (Much like the “quinine prevents malaria” thing that excuses all my gin-and-tonics.)
The other theory says that keeping a sheet of fabric softener (like Downy or some such) in your pocket will keep the bugs away. This also seems far-fetched. Also I’ve tried it and it seems useless, at least against the Memphis mosquitoes. Then again, here in the Delta it’s possible that our mosquitoes are hard-living, rock-eating sonsabitches, which might in fairer climes be deterred by something as diaphanous as a cloud of fabric-softener aroma. This is a hardscrabble kind of region. Try it; who knows?
There has been some preliminary grumbling as of late as to the paucity of available sweets for our community. Steps have been taken, committees have been formed. Advisory postings have been made throughout our little villiage of VerySmallVille.
However, to no avail. It is the plain and simple fact that for most of us, there is **NO**tastier treat that the one afforded us when one of our minion alights on your tender skin, prepares to penetrate, and successfully does so. The sudden font of pure nectar that is your blood is an incomparable delight.
Young ones are brought up on tall tales of you. The Older Ones in our community still tell the tales of when you used to go sunbathing in a bikini, offering endless possibilities for a tasty meal or a quick treat during a long flight.
Please, fret not. This week we showered you with our love, with our selfless dedication. This week we showed our true colors. Each of us left our little mark " d’Amour " on your supple tasty skin. Take the compliment, for most surely Fairy Chat Mom there is none other as thee.
You stand alone, as the single tastiest human south of Savannah.
With a hungry kind of love that transcends the lifespan of your average insect, I remain faithfully yours,
Cartooniverse - 934th Secretary-At_Wings, B.I.T.E.R.S. ( Bi-lateral International Tribunal on Exodermal Rendering of Substrate ).
Well, thank you very much for informing me of the existence of chiggers. Florida is now officially crossed off my list of possibilities to move my family. Once again, thank you for this courtesy.
Oh, and FCM, my mother has sweet blood too and gets bitten a lot. I always thought it was literally “sweet blood” that attracted the insects because she happens to be diabetic. Of course, this could also be totally bogus. What do I know…
I’ve heard about certain people being “tastier” than others, but I’ve not heard it relates to blood type before. I’m not sure it would be blood type, though, as my hubby and I are both O+, but for whatever reason, he’s tastier.
When my hubby and I were honeymooning in Jamaica, he was constantly getting mosquito bites. Not too many, but a good 2-3 every couple of days. I wasn’t bitten at all.
Well, the welts are evilly red but the itching is subsiding. I’ve been working in the front yard in the sun and I seem to be bug-free. Apparently the damp backyard - did I mention the wetlands that abut our backyard - is the site of the FCM Buffet.
My blood type is B+ for whatever that’s worth. My husband can venture into the damp wilds unscathed while I am targeted and drained. Of course, it’s a given that I’m sweeter than he…
I don’t think I’ve been chiggered. In any event, I had a really good night’s sleep last night, so it appears the worst is past. Except for the blisters I got today…
I need a gardener. A shirtless gardener. A young, studly, well-oiled, shirtless gardener glistening in the sunlight… Ummmm, excuse me…
PS - Cartooniverse, your adoration is duly noted. How do you look shirtless?!?!?
FWIW, ISTR seeing a documentary, probably on the Discovery channel, that claimed mosquitos were attracted to the radiant heat (infrared energy) generated by warm bodies along with chemical signals…
Some people have good luck adding a vitamin b12 suppliment… seems to change the way they “smell” to skeeters.
In my family we have good experience with Avon’s Skin-So-Soft lotion - another smell that keeps the bugs away. Reports from locations include: Africa, India, Panama and California. I don’t like the scent myself, but will slap some on in the afternoon to protect and then wash it off in the morning.
Sorry, I understand that you have a valid complaint, FCM, but please allow this little girl who lives above the Mason-Dixon line and who just about killed herself trying to drive back to school from her home on top of a godforsaken snow-covered mountain try to bring back the memory of what warm weather is like.
Hope you feel better. And you’re welcome to send some of those awful insects up north–as long as they promise to bring above-30 temperatures with them!
Jabba looks not unlike a garden slug - coincidence?? What’s my point? Haven’t the vaguest…
Incidentally, it’s only because of sheer laziness that I’m not answering most of the comments in this thread, but I have enjoyed reading them all. I appreciate the assorted information and the sympathy, especially the sympathy, as my family got sick of my whining really fast. <sigh>
