Thank you, my dear. You have made my crappy afternoon.
Sorry, but this phrase made me go 
Otherwise, awesome story!
HOMER: Damn it, how many times am I going to have to apologize?!?
MARGE: Homer, you haven’t apologized at all!
HOMER: I know. I was just hoping the answer was “zero.”
What is it with some people behind the wheel that *just can’t wait *for a few moments for something to open up ahead? That numb cunt nearly caused a serious accident.
Amazing restraint, Hal Briston, because I would have certainly let her have it, particularly because she was yelling at you to apologize!
The irony, it burns.
This reminded me of a time when I was driving on a three-lane road (two forward lanes, one left-turn lane) and was approaching a stoplight. The turn lane had a car in it and the turn arrow was red, and the forward lane I was in was beginning to turn red; there was a speed demon on my tail but I dutifully stopped my car for the red light. Apparently the genius behind me figured I was going to speed up to get through the “amber” light so he started to accelerate as we approached the intersection. Thanks to his quick reaction, he managed to swerve to avoid rear-ending me…and slammed right into the car in the left-turn lane next to me. He gave me a dirty look when I turned around to see if anyone was hurt. Tee Hee!
Must be a New Jersey thing.
When I lived there I had something almost identical happen to me. Including the screaming at the stop light. I was so giddy at being alive and dentless that I just burst out laughing at her when she was done screaming and started demanding an apology. Then I drove away, still laughing in a slightly hysterical way.
What a great OP.
I dearly hope you have to use the .jpgs in a court proceeding of some sort.
But you must include the captions.
Regards,
Shodan
You should include a diagram.
And people ask me why I don’t drive…
You should’ve stopped to exchange insurance information. And when I say exchange, I mean get her name and address, then phoned her dumb ass in to the police.
Am I the only one who’s brain immediately started playing…
Did she have a really obnoxious Brooklyn accent, the type that makes you draw up in pain like fingernails on a chalkboard?
I read through the OP the first time without clinking on the link and was majorly impressed. Well written and organized and, like one poster, said set up very nicely to lead us to the “Aren’t you even going to say you’re sorry?” line.
Then I went back (after reading the rest of the thread), clicking on the links this time. Freaking hilarious. I finally just gave in to laughter and let it out; my co-workers want in on the fun.
I love how you say she’s about to hit that “huge fucking pink dot.”
Well done, Hal. A+++.
The huge fucking pink dot was what made me giggle, too.
I’ve been in similar situations - I love when the person who has broken the law/done something stupid has the audacity to get mad at ME. Good times, good times.
Last week was the recent time some urine stain cut me off. She then slammed on the brakes, apparently not realizing that all 20 cars in my lane had their brakelights on because the traffic light was, you know, FUCKING RED.
I hit my brakes to avoid shoving three feet of Saturn Vue up her ass, the case of water in the back came hurtling forward (I had the rear seats down), slamming into the bag of groceries I had just purchased, causing the ejection of a package of fresh raspberries (at $4.99 a package) from the bag, which opened in midflight and impacted against the back of my seat. I’ll be finding those fuckers over the next several months, I would imagine.
Nicely done, Hal. You are due some applause, and I will make sure to send them to you. Once you apologize.
I think this meets the “Threadspotting” criteria, don’t y’all? 
Q
Then I must add this.
No. No you were not.
Well… It is the hardest word to say and all…
You made my day. It was a fairly crappy day, all around, but you did bring a little bit of sunshine into it. For this, I thank you.
I can’t wait for Ms Chick to get the auto repair bill–side mirrors are not cheap to replace. Heh.