I’d offer sage, wise advice from the bunkers of the dating scene, but I’m afraid I’ve been distracted.
garius is single?!
Hey, garius, how you doin’? I’m an older woman too, you know. Well about a month older.
Ahem. Sorry for that. Wesley, I think I pretty much second what everyone else has said. My plan (which had brought me an eventful, varied and not always successful romantic career) is generally based on what I think will make me happy at the time. When I’m happy being single, that’s cool. If there’s someone I like who I think might reciprocate my feelings I generally make some kind of move. Being turned down isn’t great, and this plan has ended in disaster several times, but I’ve found so far that the highs have balanced out the lows.
I didn’t mean it in the sense that it was appropriate and/or guaranteed for her not to have a LTR, but from hearing her talk about herself she seems to have more or less resign herself to this mentality.
HAHAHA. We said the same thing at 21. We’ll set a place at the table for you.
on another note, i think i put too much emphasis on this. We are truly all different. I have experienced things most people will never experience, and other people have experienced things i will never experience. But at the same time i’d just like to ‘try’ this aspect of life to see what its like.
I think i am going to focus more on building meaningful social bonds (if anything) from now on. The reason i seem to have this ‘dating sucks’ mentality is because alot of the people i know who date often seem to feel the same way. Dating seems to be laden with dead ends, unfulfillment, back biting, etc. True, a nurturing, supportive, respectful bond with a member of the opposite sex would provide fulfillment, but a person get fulfilling bonds without there having to be a sexual relationship. Can’t i rely on my friends and family for nurturing bonds instead of hitting on an endless string of strangers in the hopes that i will find that 1% of women who are single, will go out with me and who i can feel truly comfortable with? Not only that but (in my experience at least) non-sexual relationships seem more stable, more able to weather hard times, and easier to build than sexual ones.
So i guess that is where i stand, or at the very least want to focus my mental energy. Hopefully yesterday was a wake-up call and i have my priorities messed up. True i am a ‘loser’ and a ‘failure’ in alot of people’s eyes (that is why im posting this on SD and not the other boards i go to, i don’t need more insults for being a virgin and not dating. Posters here seem more down to earth), but we all have ungratified needs i guess.
I can’t say where i’ll be at 30. I’m 24 now and had no idea i’d be here when i was 21. When i was 17 i had no idea i would be where i ended up when i was 21. So I can’t say ‘i will never date’ but at this point in my life i think the risks/detriments greatly outweigh the rewards and i need to focus on something more gratifying. Hopefully i can stick to that plan too.
Look at monstro’s website. That seems like a special gal, doesn’t it? In fact when i see it it makes me think how much I’d like to have a girlfriend now. I can’t really explain it, but you gotta get more social. You probably have such thick skin right now. Imagine someone you can tell all of your deepest and innermost thoughts. That’s why realationships are important. I wish you lots of luck and I hope you do find somoene that loves you. Don’t take such a pessimistic approach to live, and please go out and be as social as possible. At first it will seem weird, but later you’ll reach a point where you actually want to be around people rather than be alone. It true.
I know, but i have friends for this. Several friends.
This is partially why i think ‘giving up’ is a better idea, i don’t really believe that sexual relationships are the best way to get deep, permanent, meaningful interpersonal relationships. From what i have seen sexual relationships are harder to get going, less stable, less free, and (near the end) more bitter than non-sexual relationships.
I appreciate your concern though :). But i honestly have friends i can tell my deepest thoughts to, i don’t need a woman for that.
I’d love to have a boyfriend. I’m also (fairly) happy without one. I know lots of guys. I’m somewhere on the right track I think. I know lots of guys. I think I know what sort of guy I’d like to date. Now if I could find a guy that wasn’t married, or engaged, or in a freaking committed relationship, I might be okay. :: If he could put two words together without breaking a sweat, that’d be okay too.
-Lil
Hmmm. Well, I could come along to offer a female perspective. I’d even help Wesley carry our pints back from the bar.
Serously, though, I think this isn’t a complete hijack. Flirting should be fun. It’s important to enjoy it. If you’re tense and hating it, that’ll come across to your potential flirtee and put a distinct dampner on things. If you’re relaxed and just enjoying the interaction for its own sake, it’s more fun for you and the recipient.
: If he could put two words together without breaking a sweat, that’d be okay too.