In a way i feel stupid for writing that, and i don’t know why. Either its because i don’t think its important enough to be an issue or because i think that other people will really, really look down on me for it. Probably a mixture.
Dammit the words flowed so smoothly when i was at the checkout lane at kroger and thinking of what i was going to say when i got home and was going to post on SDMB so total strangers could see the intimiate details of my life. Let me add more alcohol.
Alright. What i was trying to say is this. Yeah i’ve never had a girlfriend and i’m 24. I have (i think) been on a date before. some woman from a class asked me to help her study and she kept flirting with me. we did that twice and after i asked her out again she dropped me. Cest la vie.
I also have had a ‘relationship’ with a woman from england that i met online. But i dont know if that counts. We never met in person and only talked via email, IM, or the phone. but we got along for several years and we still talk off and on.
But anyway, i dont lack self confidence or the ability to approach women. Thats actually how this post got started. Last weekend i was thinking about how i have never had a girlfriend and figured ‘why don’t i try to get one’. I have a good deal of self confidence, i like myself, and i know a reasonable deal about human interaction and female psychology. So on monday i try to pick up a woman from my class. I appraoch her, talk to her, and say goodbye and it goes nowhere. On tuesday i do it again with a different woman. I see the same woman again wednesday, we talk more and i ask her if she wants to study. On thursday we talk more. Then (i still find this part hilarious) today she emails and says she has a boyfriend (live in i think). So here i am getting all worked up (in a way) thinking ‘oh yeah, im finally going to experience what most people take for granted when they are 12 today and go on a date with a woman i asked out’ and i find out its not even a date. I was mildly embarassed, but we ended up talking and getting along and i may have made a new friend. So its not like this was a total washout or anything.
I seriously just want to give up though. Why can’t i just say ‘you know what, romance is a tricky mindfield and i don’t think the benefits are worth the risks’ and hang it up? I think its cultural brainwashing, if you look around 70-80% of popular culture mentions the greatness of romance (read a book, watch movies, listen to music, you’ll see what i mean). How is this different than Nazi Germany or Stalinist Russia when 70-80% of popular culture mentioned the greatness of Nazism or Stalinism? Hell, had i grown up in Stalinist Russia would i be sitting here writing a post called “I’m Wesley Clark, 24, and have never joined the Communist party or read Stalin’s book”? Naturally my name isn’t Wesley Clark but you get the idea.
Hmmmmmm. As far as meeting women there aren’t good places. Unlike most people who haven’t had dates i do not fear women and am not really intimidated by them. The girl i was talking about earlier, i approached her, i led the conversations, i built my way into her trust, etc and she was a total stranger 3 days ago and now we will hopefully build a friendship. So its not like i can’t pick women up. its the embarassment factor. I would say 90% of strange women you try to pick up will laugh at you behind your back. Of the 10% who go along with it and date you your personality probably will not be compatible with most. So that is what, a 2% success rate in exchange for humiliating yourself over and over? No thanks.
I have no real social network either. This is how most people meet SOs, they have a social network. But my lack prevents this track.
I don’t want to shell out $20 a month for dating sites.
I also don’t have tons of money/power/fame, etc so women aren’t going to come to me.
So i’m pretty much stuck in limbo here. I know there are ways to get women but i don’t really like any of them. And to top it off, i realize that this is all pretty stupid, even if/when i get a woman it wont make a big difference in my life. I think i just want to ‘get it over with’ so i can say ‘yeah i dated, it sucked, lets focus on something else’.
I mean i know alot of guys. I know guys who are players who are always going on dates, players who are always getting sex, and i know guys in committed relationships. Most of them are no more content than me and several have many constant discontentments with their situation. The players want a great wife, the married guys want a great wife too (hahahaha). Everybody has problems. Is this what i’m getting myself worked up over, to have something that isn’t that great to begin with?
I think i just want someone to understand that its possible to not date w/o being terrified of women, or without being a ‘total loser’, or without thinking that the solution is to meet tons of women. I have always secretly thought the solution was to realize how pointless this thing is and not worry about it. But that reminds me of something a comedian once said when talking about homeless kids. “you have to obtain grace before you fall from it”. How can i give up something i have never even done? I should at least try it before i give it up.