Sometimes, but not always. My husband and I are each others’ best friends, and quickly became that way soon after we met. Plus we have most of our friends in common, so there’s no “boys’/girls’ night out” problems with griping about one person spending too much time with his/her friends.
My problem is-I can only flirt and such when there’s no pressure-meaning, no implications of an actual “date” or whatever.
Once there’s an expectation, I clam up. I hate that.
25 this year, boyfriendless, dateless.
Liked a guy in college. Turned out he had a girlfriend, and they weren’t too amorous in public 'cause her dad goes to the same church they did. They were planning to get married, but then canceled plans because he moved to Taiwan, but I don’t know if they’re still a couple and I’m kind of embarrassed to ask.
Had a crush on another guy. Didn’t work up the guts to confess to him until he was graduating and on his way to North Carolina. Never heard from him again.
A third guy often gave me rides and spent one Valentines Day arguing with me over lunch. Unfortunately for him, I was totally misinterpreting his concern for me and became very defensive. I also didn’t realize it was Valentines Day until well afterwards. (Oops.)
Mom’s starting to get a bit desperate. I keep telling her to chill, she’s not the one getting married, but I guess mothers are like that.
Personally, I wouldn’t mind someone to dote on me, but I’m not particularly concerned that I’m on my way to being that Weird Old Lady With the Cats.
I’m sorry, is that even legal?
j/k
Whee, sort of a follow-up to the Geek Cotillion, only more morose.
Hm. 26 here, and a lifetime “single” so far. Everytime I meet a gal interesting enough to overcome my natural reticence to asking them out, they’re already in committed relationships.
I chalk it up to ill luck. To my credit, I did ask out the one gal who was interesting but not in a committed relationship at the time (the exception to the rule) and she turned me down, and though she was nice about it, there was some definite weirdness there. Might be worthy of a MPSIMS thread sometime, even.
I get along pretty well by m’self, though.
As do I.
dotchan - Do your parents think you are gay too? My mom thinks that about me. (not that theres anything wrong with that :D)
Guinastasia - what do you mean? Are you just afraid of committment, or afraid of doing something you’ve never done before, or afraid of rejection, or what?
Ferret Herder - Thats really nice you’ve found your best friend in your spouse. I suppose its partially sour grapes on my part but i would just be uncomfortable in that situation, ive seen alot of ‘i love yous’ turn into ‘i hate yous’ the second the relationship ends or hits rocky periods. Even though i have had friendships break apart or burn out they never ended up like that, with us turning on each other. Hopefully i am just selectively seeing things and alot of people have strong friendships in their marriages.
on another note, how do i ask a woman who is a mild aquantance who i want to turn into a friend to hang out with me w/o it sounding sexual? She is in my class (this is another woman) i have talked to her a little since we live in the same apt. complex and meet in the laundromat occasionally and i want to interact with her more. Should i just do what i did with the first girl and slowly build my way into her by talking to her more and more or should i ask her to do something outside of class ASAP? I figure i should talk to her more in class (even if its just 30 second snippets), get to know her, then ask if she wants to do something so we can hang out more. But i really want this to be a meaningful social bond (not an attempt to date so i can ‘get it over with’), and i don’t want to jepordize it by asking her out and making her feel awkward.
Heh. I get this. My dad keeps telling me how great it’ll be when I meet that special guy…or girl. 
It’s very sweet.
BTW, I’m 37 and have only ever dated sporadically, never longer than a month, and don’t really consider any of those guys a “boyfriend”. I can count the number of intimate encounters I’ve had on both hands.
I’ve concluded there are dating people and non-dating people. Some of my friends just seem to effortlessly hook-up and then there are people like me. I think part of it has to do with the level of compromise people are willing to accept. My friends who are always in relationships seem to be much more flexible than I am. I just found out my best friend is marrying a guy who doesn’t read! That floors me. There’s no way I could ever compromise that much. I think I’m happier being by myself than making too many compromises just to have a SO. Although lots of people would tell me I’m deluded and really missing something important.
I guess my point is (advice from a non-dater, whatever it’s worth), if you really want a relationship, make sure there aren’t girls you’re over looking because they don’t meet your standards. Maybe there’s a girl you know who’s not someone you’d be instantly attracted to but is none the less fun to hang out with.
Also, you say your social network is non-existant. I’ve never had any luck just meeting people randomly and always met people though group activities. When I was younger, it was the crappy part-time jobs I had. Working at a bookstore, I met a lot of really cool people and spending time with them at work, I got to know them pretty well. In school, I joined an acedemic society and made friends there. Now, I do a team sport and that’s where I’ve met people.
Ok, I’m rambling and probably not being helpful. I don’t’ have any advice about getting to know the girl from class. I was so shy (and still am kinda) that I wouldn’t have been very open to hanging out with some guy I barely knew from class, no matter how cute or cool he was. That’s why I think finding a group to hang out with is kinda important. Girls are much more willing to hang out with guys in group situations than singly.
firstly wes…
Never let your options rest on only one girl. You may have to lower your standards about what you would and would not want from a woman, but honestly, take this as a learning experience. You should much rather be in a relationship with someone who is very ugly and not your type than be in no relationship at all. Why? because you’ll learn so much from it. I may have had a few to drink tonight ( so pleas pardon my misspellings) but you can’t compare friendships with guys to relationships. I’m sorry but you just have to see for yourself. You have to think about the whole situation less. The girl from your apartment complex. She may be the one or she may not be, but don’t let it be the end of the world. Remember, the object isn’t to find the one with the first try, rather to have fun in the meantime. And relationships are fun. People aren’t involved in relationships just to find a mate. They are involved in them because they are fun and are a life enhancing experience. Just go with the flow and be more social and loosen you standards a little. I guarantee you if you have sex with a girl you’ll find new ways to appreciate her. Many people chalk it up to romance, but if you have sex with a chick you’ll find new reasons why you like her. It makes sense, by the way.
You also have to get the look down. When you see a girl that you want, you have to give her the look. 
Instead of breaking eye contact with her, you have to continue to look her in they eyes and get the whole mischevious thing going on. You have to let her know what you want, and she’ll let you know what she wants just by that one look. Its very easy and all you have to do is look her in the eyes more than you’d find normal. it conveys something.
Yes this was largely my mistake with the girl this post was originally about, i tried too hard to be casual about everything.
I agree its a learning experience, and i want that too honestly. I want the learning experience and the experience in general.
My standards are already very flexible when it comes to surface attraction. Although i have minimal standards in regards to surface attraction, i realize surface attraction is an archaic method of determining if a woman is fertile or not. Since this is the 21st century, which is filled with fertility drugs and i don’t want to get anyone pregnant i don’t care ‘as much’ about physical attractiveness as most men. Plus common sense and 2nd hand stories say the more attractive a woman is the harder she is to date. I would say i am open to about 50-80% of the female populus in my age bracket if their personality is right.
I actually find some ‘ugly’ things attractive. Acne scars and chubbiness are turn ons for me. But i suppose everyone has quirks like that.
Dude, learn hypnosis. Also, read a women’s magazine. Staring like Bela Lugosi won’t get you far. It’s all about establishing the connection, breaking it and reestablishing (i.e. looking away and looking back). That says 1) I’m not a crazy stalker 2) I have powers…Various powers… 3) I’m in control (which will likely be taken, if COSMO is to be beleived, as a) I will provide for you or b) a challenge. Can you break this Wyld Salltion?
Looking away and back is the key.
I’ve experienced not getting laid. It sucks.
A (hetero) man should not have to go through his entire life never knowing the excitement of making out with a woman in a crowded bar, the nervous anticipation of getting ready for a special date, of weaking up hungover in your boxers in some strange girls dorm room.
I have never known a guy to gripe that his woman was spending too much time with her friends.
To date the opposite sex, you need to decide that you are “out there” dating. That means you dress like you are trying to attract women. You look for cues from girls you meet in bars or on the subway that they might be interested in talking with you. You talk to girls with the intent of setting up a date and hooking up, not being friends or pen pals or some such shit.
What also helps is if you get yourself some other single guy friends who are studlier than you. A “wingman” if you will. Girls seldom go out to bars alone and it’s easier to work in groups.
hehe I don’t mean when you first get to know a girl! The look is only what you do if you know she wants to kiss. But maybe the situaiont isn’t right, but you can still lock eyes and smile. Its much less dangerous than trying anything else and if she doesn’t reciprocate then there’s no problem.
:rolleyes:
damn right with the rolleyes there kalhoun
they’re all maneaters.
especially the ones from the church and libraries.
Ladies (who are that way inclined) And Gentlemen i give you…
Garius’ Guide to Dating
“He’s a smooth crazy cat who taught me a thing or two.” (Shaft)
“Some crazy fools look to me when they need help with the lovin.’ Me? I look to Garius.” (Barry White)
“I wish i could be him but i’m too old and overtly manly.” (Brad Pitt)
1 - Introduction
Okay, this post represents the sum total of my knowledge of the female species (excluding the stuff that Lucy Walker taught me behind the bike sheds after school when i was 14. But you don’t want to know about that). Do with it what you will and use it wisely. I don’t claim to be a master at this - far from it. Lets not forget that as I’m writing this I am, in fact, single. Which probably means that i’m the last person who should be writing a guide like this, but hey - try and stop me.
The information below is lessons i have learnt and techniques i have found useful - obviously they aren’t always true and don’t always work. Women are, after all, people* as well as women. Which makes every single one of them unique - which personally i think is a good thing. If you do find something in here that strikes you as useful then feel free to use it on your wench of choice. Just make sure i get an invite to the wedding when you finally manage to woo said strumpet.
2 - General Rules/Techniques
1. Never use the words “Wench” or “Strumpet” - No. Just don’t. Seriously. Remember that whole thing i said about women being people? This ties in with that - at the end of the day dating is about having fun with someone you consider an equal. Using crap demeaning names for your date may send warning signals that you aren’t prepared to do that. Personally i’ve always found that a good way of working out whether a nickname is acceptable or not is to run it through my head first - if it makes me giggle like a 12 year old schoolgirl then it should probably go on the “banned words” list**.
2. Never Lie - When chatting to or chatting up a young lass never lie. Exagerating or embelishing is allowed but flat out lying is a disaster waiting to happen. First off, its back to that whole “treating women as people” thing again - show her some respect by not lying to her. Secondly she will know. In my experience women are incredibly good at spotting lies - a thousand generations of being around our sorry excuse for a gender has led to them evolving the kind of bullshit detection powers that would make a polygraph operator weep in envy. Besides, even if you do manage to pull it off, she will find out eventually:
3. Be Normal - Sure, everyone is unique but when it comes to first impressions and first dates be as normal as possible. The early days of a relationship are about establishing how non-scary and stalker-like you are. Save your strange habits for later when you’ve discovered a bit more about each other - she can’t complain about your tendency to walk round the house in only a red shirt with pictures of Che Guevara on it and a pair of fluffy slippers*** after you’ve found out that she names all her teddy bears after feminist icons****.
4. Be Confident - Most people make the mistake of thinking that this means you should be convinced that you can get anybody. Bollocks. Its not about having confidence in your pulling power, its about being confident in yourself. If you can honestly say “i know who i am and i’m happy with it” then that shines through and makes the world of difference.
5. Have Gorgeous Eyes - Okay, this is one you can’t really do yourself. I just wanted to rub in the fact that i’ve got them. They’re a beautiful chocolate-brown colour and make women swoon. Be jealous.
6. Be funny - This doesn’t mean reciting your favourite Chris Rock diatribe, or old Monty Python Sketches (learnt that one the hard way :rolleyes: ) it means being vaguely witty when the situation demands it. It helps put both you (and your date) at ease and contributes to the impression of being a normal human being.
7. Never Miss an Opportunity - I’ve mentioned this before, but its so important. Chat to anyone and everyone. You’ll end up with female friends (who are great and incredibly useful) and possibly even dates. Starting conversations can be tricky at first and don’t expect every girl to respond but you’d be surprised - even the cheesiest line (“Do you come here often?”) can work in the right situation (a long slow moving queue for example*****).
8. Expect to crash and burn - You will. No question. If you can manage a 20% success rate when asking people out then you’re a better person than me. Everyone crashes - the important thing is not to let it get to you. As a famous philosopher once said: “No Regrets - they don’t work.”******
9. Learn one meal and one cocktail - Everyone should know how to cook one meal and mix one cocktail. I may live on a combination of microwave meals and takeaway pizzas but i cook a mean-arse Sweet and Sour Chicken with egg fried rice - perfect for those “let me cook you dinner” dates. Similarly i mix a mean Grand Mojito - very useful for when i want to appear really sophisticated (although i do have a habit of ruining the mood by making crap Pirates of the Caribbean references - “Welcome to the Caribbean luv!”)
10. Have Fun - You want to have fun. She wants to have fun. That’s all that ever matters at the end of the day.
– Garius
- Its true. I read it in a book.
** Pumpkin, Sweet Cheeks, Sweetie-pie, Jugs, Woman, Love Monkey, Gorgeous Gams, Babe, Munchkin etc. etc.
*** Fuck you. I’m happy with the way i dress
**** My last girlfriend did this. No word of a lie.
***** St. Mary’s University ID Photo queue 1999.
****** Robbie Williams
Now that’s funny gary, especially coming from you.
My advice: avoid Che Guevara shirts, and be yourself. Unless you’re some kind of mentalist that dresses like a clown more often than not. Make her laugh, that’s how I got my current girlfriend of 2 weeks. Laughter is half the job IMHO.
Bamm!
Hey - never said i managed to live by my own rules all the time did i? 
I’m impressed at the comprehensiveness and sense of your guide, garius. Such wisdom in one so young. Just a couple of little comments:
A certain amount of quirkiness can be appealing. It has to be carefully judged, and the line between quirkiness and freakiness will vary according to the tastes of your date, but I personally find a couple of quirks interesting. I don’t like my men (or my friends for that matter) too dull and conformaing. I’m talking about things along the lines of unusual fluffy toy names rather than shrines to celebrities in your bedroom.
Very true, buy it’s important not to confuse confidence with arrogance. Arrogance is pretending that you have no interest at all in your date and believe her to be beneath you. Confidence is being interested in (hell, posiibly even actually liking) your date, whilst believing that you are an interesting and nice person an there’s no reason for her not to want to get to know you. You would not believe how many men get these two confused. In particular, arrogance faked because you are really nervous will be immediately obvious.
garius, I’m this holds up fingers very close together far away from asking you out for coffee when I’m in London this weekend. I’m restraining myself because you know nothing about me.
Well yeah, i actually figure a 20% success rate is a little high considering that the woman has to be both single and willing to date you. a 10-15% success rate is more reasonable for a good communicator, and a 5% rate for a shy, nervous person sounds about right.
But i don’t want to hit on endless girls in my college, i will get a bad reputation. I don’t think i fear approaching women, and i dont think i fear rejection, i just don’t want to be ‘that guy who hits on everyone’ and people snicker behind my back for it. If i do hit on endless women it would have to be somewhere i woudln’t see the women again like walking down the street or something along those lines.