I always stock the lavatory with soaps, clean towels and a refuse basket.
But I don't stop there.
I make sure that my Weekly Wolrd News article “Haunted Toilet Claims 8th Plumber In 3 Years!” is well affixed to the outside of the door and clearly visible.
The bulb in the hall must be checked. The hall must be bright enough for guests to find their way easily. And only a bright light will activate the motion detector on the talking Undertaker poster, causing him to say "My creatures of the night will feast on the flesh of your corpse.".
The mirror must be free of dirt, spots or streaks. After all, all the guests will look there. The mirror should be spotless except for REDRUM written in huge, dripping, crimson letters.
Finally, the Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning To Work sign must be polished.
…and THIS, my friend, is why half of Philadelphia patterns it’s toileting habits after you. I bow before the frightening behavior you exibit most proudly.
Don’t get me started on how many people don’t know how to be a host. It is also polite that if you tell people to come over at dinner time to ‘hang out’ that maybe you should FEED them. Especially if you are already cooking something. Oh, and the very least you could do is offer something to drink.
Note to prospective guests: If you a sleeping over, please make your own bed, especially if it is the couch.
Oh gosh yes, miamouse. I slept on the In-Law’s couch for 9 days at Christmastime in Pittsburgh. I made it up as a couch the SECOND I was awake, how could I do otherwise?
As for the meals issue, that’s really about common sense and planning. You ask buddies to drop by after 7:00,. you’re safe but for snacking, coffee, etc. You have them at 4:00, you’re cooking a meal buddy.
I was raised not to be waited on when a guest. I love doing dishes. It’s the way I am. I’m also really good at it. I’ll get those ugly burnt marks off the spaghetti pot, your Pyrex trays will be amazingly see-through for the first time since 1983. I feel it’s only proper, you are brought into someone’s home, you do your part to help that home work. -shrug- It’s how I was taught to do it.
Sometimes I’ve had people REALLY be insulted when I make a move to help clean up, THEY were raised that it’s a horrific event for a Guest to clean. Okay, I don’t want to offend anyone. I sit and visit, and leave it to the Host. But usually not without a wrestling match over it !!
Ugh, I know. One of the things I’m looking forward to when I leave the comfortable-but-sloppy world of student life is actually finding soap and towels when I go to other people’s houses. I know we college kids are supposed to be a pretty laid-back bunch, but seriously folks! I want my hands clean, and more importantly, I want the guy’s hands who touched my piece of pizza before I did clean!
I pretty much depend on guests fending for themselves. I mean, hey, if I like you enough to invite you over, I pretty much consider you family when you step over the threshold. That means you’re welcome to rifle through the fridge, argue over who gets the remote, and yell at the dog. I don’t remember to be nice and wait on people.
I realize this is a shortcoming. I’m working on it.
Regarding the “wear pants” rule, I once visited a friend and when he answered the door he was pantsless. I told him to put some on and he said that it was his house and if he wanted to run around without pants in the privacy of his own home he would. I figured he did have that right, so I didn’t argue any further. (However, he had some trouble when he walked bare arsed past the window when the woman next door happened to be watching.)
Good friends, but desperately filthy. I would not sit on their toilet if I was suddenly afflicted with a severe case of Uncontrollable Projectile Defecation after eating an entire buffet of food. The room smells of urine. There is NO towel. Anywhere in the room.
So the hands drying choice comes down to; one’s own pants, their bathrobes (oops, scratch that, they’re filthy too!) or the window curtains.
I tells ya, after using those window curtains for a few visits, I’m back to using my pants. They obviously have not noticed.
I also do not accept any food or drinks while in their house. Sure, they’re good cooks, but one look at the kitchen or their idea of “clean” dishes is enough to put you off that entirely.
Chimera I’ve got some friends like that too, I’ve refused to ingest anything prepared at their place ever since I saw one of them throw up into the kitchen sink and just rinse it out - No bleach, No disinfectant, No soap even, GROSS!
I remember as a student, going home to visit my mom. She had soft, quilted, double-ply toidy paper… I was in awe…
And… sniff she would always send me back to school with at least six rolls of said paper (I’m 30 and she still brings me toidy paper and undies when she visits – I chalk it up to some kind of hardwaried diapering instinct.)
Other students got their laundry done or came back to school with home-made cookies, but I would actually have the luxury of nice, decadent toilet paper for a week or two ( didn’t last long – roomies took advantage of the luxury as did I.)
As a guy who has a good number of female friends, I second the notion of having some feminine products handy. Lord knows we’ve had some pretty sticky situations.
Next, picture the event happening. We’ve ran intro trouble with lack of seating places before.
Get some fragrant spray for the bathroom. Here there is one bathroom and sometimes 8-9 people. Lets try to keep the offensive smells to a minimum.
With all due respect Ms. miamouse, you’re a little vague here. Are you talking about making the bed in the morning after waking up, or setting it up before retiring for the night?
After the last dopefests, people were asking to borrow one of my bathroom books. People were intrigued as all get-out with the book of voice date recorder transcripts from plane crashes.
Don’t just “drop in.” If I want your company, I’ll invite you. If you “drop by” without an invite and I’m busy, I’m not going to stop what I’m doing and entertain you - I may not even answer the door.
Please, please, please make sure you do not splatter your liquid waste on the floor or the walls. And for god’s sake, PICK UP THE SEAT – I sit on that thing, you know. And I’m definitely not interested in getting to know you better via your peepee.
