Last Febuary, before the A-rabs blue up the WCT building, I recieved a call from a lesbian. She had been looking for me for ages, she said. She was the lover of the daughter of my grandmother’s cousin’s sister’s nephew’s tomboy ex-wife from a prior annuled mirage. She had been assimilated by the Borg at an early age and had no idea who she was. So this lady talked to me for several hours. What was all the fuss? Well, it turns out that I’m not a Cherokee at all. No sir. I’m a Scotsman.
So says she. But I can’t be a true Scotsman. I refuse! Refuse to remain incarcerated in this semi-private room — you snore! — while no one is making any effort… Oh, wait. That’s Goldie Hawn. Anyway, everybody in my whole life has worshipped the Grate Spirit. That’s all I’ve ever known and I’m not going to change now. Why did she have to hit me with this at my age?
Now I have to sell all my interest in the casino. This woman has ruined my life. I can’t do rain dances any more. And what really pisses me off is that we marched all the way from Georgia to Oklahoma for nothing. Oh, well. That’s how it goes I guess.
But now I’m going to have to fill out my census forms differently. How does Scotland get off calling me Scotty? I can’t even play the bag pipes. I don’t even like the way they sound. Your never going to drag me off to that crazy place with all those Catholics fighting all those Protastents. And I don’t need a queen, thank you. I’m not gay. Shouldn’t you people go eat your haggus and leave the rest of us alone?
Welcome to Scots World, Libertarian! If you’d kindly send my your address I will rush a complimentary free pet haggis to your door within the next 24 hours.
Also, we’ll drop off your kilt, as you will now need to identify yourself to the world as a Scot.
I’m two old to wear dresses and I don’t eat stomachs. What a nasty bunch of peuple! I mean, nothing personal, but when I eat animals I only eat their muscles. And when I wear dresses I do it in private.
Why do I have to call myeslf anything? Why can’t I just be me?
Look I have an interest now in what the hell all this horseshit means. The “I want to be a Scotsman Thread” was about how I would look in plaid. You must understand that now I have been given a heavy lode to bare.
This is the most non-sequitur appositive I’ve ever seen on these fine forums. Nicely done.
nagging pedantry: can I refer to the appositive as the non-sequitur? According to the dictionary definition number two, it’s “A statement that does not follow logically from what preceded it.” Can it be a statement that does not follow logically from what succeeds it?
