I have never understood this concept in all my 40 years yet people throw out the term like any friendly gesture is an invitation for sex or abandoning everything you know and love to be with them. It is one thing if it is a person you have known for years suddenly starts giving you lower back massages with a reach around but it is quite another when a stranger is simply friendly but people seem to use both of these concepts interchangeably.
I never understood any of it, There is a woman at work now with a perverse sense of humor who offers to do unspeakable things to me below my desk if I would just help her with the issue of the day. We both laugh and I don’t take it seriously at all but she likes to test the limits because that is her style and I think it is hysterical. I have had other people offer explicit sex acts for favors too especially in the workplace and I never even took them seriously either let alone someone who was just normal friendly.
The concept of a semi-stranger just smiling at me or flirting doesn’t count at all to me and I don’t know why anything would think that it does. I have been at Ground Zero many times when people claimed that they were ‘hit on’ and I didn’t still didn’t see any of it.
Trying to get my number or see if I’ll go out with them or something. “Hitting on” is trying to get some kind of result, not just flirting or joking around that really isn’t meant to go anywhere.
“Hitting on” mean to flirt to get a date or have someone like you. Though it can be the from the range of" oh hi! you have beautiful eyes" to someone( a man who was 6 feet tall) warp his arms around me(I’m five feet) and squeezing me while telling me how lovely and sweet I was.
Depending on the situation it can be flattering or absolutely disturbing.
I think of it as aggressive flirting, not in the sense of hostility, but in the sense of getting a desired result and no ambiguity about it. If I “hit on” a guy, I want to sleep with him or date him which will turn into sleeping with him.
I concur with everyone else. And I’ve experienced people saying I was hitting on women just because I was being friendly. But it’s always in a jovial manner, in a way that is half-kidding. They’re saying you’re secretly trying to date them, not that your actions really are overt flirting. It’s similar to being called a player because you hang out with a lot of women.
While you may be cool with your coworker talking filthy to you as a joke, there are plenty of instances where that’s actually “hitting on” someone (or harassment). You’ve probably had years of experience of working with her and know how things really are though.
I, however, have had a coworker joke about performing oral on him and it was obvious it was one of those “half jokes” by the anticipation on his face. I.E. if you show any interest suddenly that was no joke and he’s ready to go. But if you look at him with any disgust then suddenly they yelp, “ha HA! It was a JOKE! Ha!”. The whole testing the waters thing - can always write it off as a “joke” if it doesn’t work, if it does work they get nookie. I considered that hitting on me, in possibly the most crass way imaginable. I wouldn’t really recommend such shenanigans at work due to harassment issues but if you wanna keep going ahead like that with your coworkers that’s not my issue.
As others have said, “hitting on” is flirting with purpose. Some people don’t really like any flirting, so they’ll mistake some types of friendliness as flirting and then react negatively. Other people are a bit full of themselves and mistake some types of friendliness as flirting and react positively by boosting their ego. And others still aren’t too great at social interactions and just can’t tell the difference that well. Being able to determine if someone’s hitting on you is as easy/hard as telling if someone’s flirting with you. Sometimes everyone else can see it while you can’t, and vice versa.
I agree with Macca26 that there’s big gray area. Someone might be hitting and you’ll never know it unless you take the bait, and someone else might be flirting harmlessly with zero intent. You often can’t tell one from the other.
If you don’t appreciate it and give signals to desist, and they don’t, then that’s harassment (IMHO, and IANAL).
Is it just me, or does anyone else read “IANAL” in relationship threads as “I ANAL?”
Oh, sorry, not hitting on you, Learjeff.
As for the OP - “flirting with intent” probably is the best way to describe hitting on someone. Hitting on someone to me means that they are asking them to go out with them, or indicating in some way that they are interested in that person, and want to start a relationship with them/get naked and sweaty with them. It’s not just casual banter.
