Every year (in recent years at least), there seems to be an increasingly loud chorus of PC voices insisting that this song is “rapey” and should, I dunno, be banned or something? Now, this year we’ve even got a PC replacement version penned by an earnest young singer and her boyfriend (whether he’s also a singer is more of an open question). Hoo boy.
Here’s the thing. The woman singing *is *being oppressed, but not by the man singing! He’s not the bad guy. She’s having a lovely time hanging out with him, listening to records, having a couple drinks, and presumably doing a little canoodling in front of that roaring fireplace. The oppression comes from a patriarchal society (remember, this was written in the 1940s) that restricts her agency as a young single woman. Her mother and father are worrying and pacing the floor. Her maiden aunt’s mind is vicious, her sister’s suspicious, and her brother will be “waiting at the door”. They, and the neighbors, “might think” that she’s promiscuous: “There’s bound to be talk tomorrow/At least there’ll be plenty implied”.
Those are the reasons she gives for why she “ought to say no, no, no”. But at no point does she say “I’m tired” or “I have to get up early” or even just “Thanks, but I’ve had enough for the night”. Instead, she says things like “I wish I knew how to break this spell” (not “I wish I knew how to make you understand I don’t want to”), “Well, maybe just a cigarette/half a drink more”, “The welcome has been so nice and warm”. And it’s implied she puts on another record for them to listen to while he pours that “half drink” she asked for.
Now that that’s off my chest, another frustration I have with this song is that I can’t seem to find the “definitive” version I have in my head. It may be that I’ve just invented it, because although I don’t have the editing chops to actually make this mashup, I can definitely imagine a Frankenstein combo of other versions that would do nicely.
As I see it, this is not just a song, it’s a scene for two actors. Basically, like something out of a Broadway musical that is half-sung, half-spoken, intended to advance a couple’s relationship, not just serve as a crowd-pleasing song-and-dance number. But of all the versions I’ve sampled, I’ve yet to find one where both the male and female parts are performed that way. There’s always at least one of them who’s trying to show off their virtuoso pipes and sing, sing, SING.
I like Sara Bareilles most of the time, but she is super guilty of this in her duet with Seth McFarlane. He plays it almost perfectly for his part, but while he’s hamming it up Broadway style and engaging with the lyrics with a wink and a grin, she’s off in a recording booth singing it phonetically as though it’s in a language she doesn’t know. He should have invited Idina Menzel to be his singing partner. Broadway pro that she is, she nails her side of the repartee, but this time it’s Michael Buble who just croons thoughtlessly.
Some versions wouldn’t provide me anything to “mash”. Ceelo Green and Christiina Aguilera meander melismatically with no attempt at acting at all. Rufus Wainright and Sharon Van Etten’s version is horrendously slow and uninflected, like someone drastically dropped the speed on the record player.
It’s not just newer versions: Dean Martin goes the other way into too uptempo and unvarying a swing, and having the female part be a chorus makes no sense. Ella Fitzgerald is spot on, but Louis Jordan messes it up.
So I guess ultimately, it’d be Seth McFarlane with either Idina Menzel or reanimated/sampled Ella Fitzgerald. Let’s make this happen!
