I’ve heard that, in Italy, it is both customary and socially acceptable for a married man to have a ‘mistress’, with the main restriction being that he cannot talk openly about his philandering in front of his family. Is this accurate?
If so, would he generally be cheating with an unmarried female, a prostitute, or another man’s wife? Are the wives permitted to have affairs as well??
Thanks.
::: Starts packing bags:::
I don’t know, but I eagerly await the answer to your question. 
I’d be wary of making any statement starting with the phrase “In Italy”. As a single unified unit the country has exsisted for fewer than 200 years. The taller blond folk living in the Alps and Dolomites with names such as Reinhold Messner are as Italian as shorter darker haired folk from the mezzogiorno with more latin sounding names. Many of the “Italian dialects” are mutually unitelligible, the social mores of one area are not necessarily shared by inhabitants of other areas.
This is a bit of an IMHO answer but … in my experience (living and working in the Veneto region and then Milan city) the anwer would be “no”, or at least not these days. Among my friends in the Veneto (aged late-twenties to early forties) there were the “usual” small town histories of A going out with B’s old girlfriend and C hooking up with B on and off over the years; there were examples of married men or women finding another person but … the marriages broke up, there was never a question of keeping two relationships running. In Milan I had fewer friends over the age of 30 and didn’t know anyone married but I didn’t hear of anything like what you mention going on.
Maybe more demanding jobs, a higher cost of living and better communications have put a stop to it; maybe people are less likely to put up with the situation, less afraid of the Church but I certainly wasn’t aware of a culture of ‘mistresses’.
I would be terrified to cheat on any of the Italian women I know. Just IMO.
Cat Jones makes an excellent point, and it is quite true that social mores throughout Italy are nearly as diverse as though one finds across the United States.
That being said, however, I have never, in my travels, encountered men with such unbridled horndog manners as those in Italy – Rome, in particular. The phrase “Roman (roamin’) hands” is no misnomer. Women travelling on the bus or on the metro, particularly blondes, will be blatantly groped by men, and not just by the young ones. My sister was quite startled when a seventy year-old man in a business suit walked right up to her and unceremoniously started fondling her breasts. It was his turn to be startled when she unceremoniously kneed him in the groin, much to the delight of the other passengers.
I once read (I think it was in this book but I could be wrong) that it was illegal in Italy for a woman to have an affair, but not for men to do so. I did note that the book had no references or citations, nor did it state precisely where or when such a law was put into effect – eg, whether it was a national law or a local ordinance in some backwater town. But IMHO it does rather accurately reflect the attitude I saw exhibited frequently in Italia.
I’ll second the observations about inappropriate behavior from men in Rome. Both the females I know who have been to Rome reported ‘incidents.’ I’m glad to hear that when someone fought back, the crowd approved–I would have feared they might think she was being “out of place” or something like that.
-FrL-
I have never heard THAT, but I have heard that in some strong catholic communities, reconciliation was overwhelmingly encouraged over divorce to the point where cheating might have become one of those situations where it is easier to ask forgiveness than ask permission. But I don’t think it was every socially acceptable or customary in polite society.
This must be why, in France, Pepe Le Pew is portrayed as an Italian skunk.
i think maybe it’s a culture thing?
in the uk certainly, we’re stereotyped for being uptight. i think in italy lifestyle is just far more laid back. to the british tourist, relationships might appear more… open than they actually are.
I’ve heard this comment made in Australia too in relation to the Italian immigrant community - generally along the lines that at least the husband’s behaviour doesn’t break up the family unit. I wouldn’t go as far as saying it’s “socially acceptable”. Perhaps “tolerated with resignation by the wife” would be closer to the mark.
I heard similar warnings about the behavior of men in the Mediterranean nations before I left for Turkey earlier this year. I cannot speak for Italy, as I did not visit there, but I can say I experienced no harassment in either Turkey or Greece. I was never groped or fondled, nor was I ever in fear of any sort of sexual attack. The Turkish men would try to flirt quite harmlessly, but Greeks did not (although I was always with my boyfriend in Athens, which might have played a role in this). An American girl I met on my travels, a pretty blonde from Texas, told me about the horrors of her recent trip to Spain – she had traveled in Italy and Greece with no problems, but in Barcelona men would come up behind her and try to stroke her hair and neck, or lewdly proposition her. An Australian girl reported similar incidents in Egypt.
I never had any problems in Italy either (18, long blond hair) or in Greece, but Spanish guys were pretty abnoxious. The Italian guys were constantly yelling “I love you!” and “Bella!” in the streets, but in a non-threatening way, no groping or stalking. Spanish guys were less charming about it, somehow. Don’t even get me started on the horrors of sexual harasment in Peru. Ugh.
You know, my boyfriend says the same thing. whistles innocently
I’m Italian, German, Irish and Cherokee. None of those makes for a nice, easygoing breakup.
My father cheated on my mother (they reconciled and are now very happy with each other) and she went over there and beat the everliving CRAP out of the other woman (I am not condoning this, btw, I’m just sayin’ - she did it). The only time my normally very nice and sweet Italian and Irish mother ever did anything that landed her jail time.
'sall right - one of the other people on her family (Her maiden name is “Cintilli” - definitely Italian) cheated on one of her aunts, and he mysteriously disappeared.
~Tasha
