A friend of mine recently passed away (much too young, I might add). I got an invite to the memorial but there is no way I can make it - I live on the other side of the country. I’d like to let the family know I’m thinking of them though, so I’d like to send something. I thought about flowers, but they probably have tons, so I was thinking of making a donation.
Problem is, I have no idea where to start. I am a poor student type, so even a relatively small donation is sort of a lot for me. Will it look cheap and lame if I only donate $50 or so? I also don’t know how to find a reputable Canadian charity or how to tactfully let the family know I’ve made the donation.
Of course, the most meaningful thing you could do would be to write a note to the family that talks about how much and why you valued your friendship with their son/daughter.
But you were already planning to do that, too, I’m sure.
They will appreciate it. I still remember a sympathy note I got from one of Mom’s nursing home caregivers in which she talked about the kind of flower- or fruit-bedecked shoes Mom always wore. It made me laugh and made me grateful that someone had really paid attention.
Incidentally, I’m pretty sure that when a charity notifies the family about the gift made in someone’s honor, they do not include the amount of the gift.
Is there an alternative to flowers on the notification?
When my Mum died, we asked for no flowers but for donations to the hospice instead.
The Funeral Director sent us a list of contributors and we thanked them all. The amounts didn’t matter.
Well even so I certainly agree with Freckafree about sending caring reminiscences.
Honestly at a time like this money doesn’t matter.
Your note will last longer than flowers.
Honestly, I know that money is not a major thing at this time. I just feel that I would like to do something - it’s probably as much for me as for anyone else.
I hope you won’t mind if I mention that a bereavement is usually a terrible shock, and that it’s usually helpful to talk to somebody about it.
When my parents died, I got support from this charity. It’s been 18 months and they have really helped me.
Did your friend die of a specific illness, like cancer or heart disease? Often, when donations are asked for instead of flowers, the family requests donations to a research cause related to the cause of death; the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada, or the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation, or Canadian Diabetes Association, etc.
If the person loved animals, a donation to a Humane Society or SPCA might be nice instead.
The hospital that treated your friend (if that was the case) may have an arrangement to receive donations too.
I don’t have all the details on the death, but I know it wasn’t a prolonged illness. Right now I’m leaning towards an animal charity, so I have to look into those. Thanks everyone.
We just did this a few months ago for a friend’s wife who died; the charity we sent the money to sent a very nice note to the husband of the deceased lady, and this was in Calgary (which, if I recall correctly, is your location).
I’m on the East Coast actually, and the service is in Vancouver. But it is probably the same all over Canada. I’m glad to know that they usually send their own note/card - it seems kind of tacky to bring it up in the letter I’m writing.
