Police have charged Mrs. Brown, the wife of a farmer, with animal abuse. Mrs. Brown cruelly disfigured 3 mice by cutting off their tails with a knife she says she uses for carving. PETA also wants investigator to look into how these mice came about being blind and to have additional charges added.
FTP
This just in…THE SKY IS FALLING! One Ms. Chicken Little was hit by a piece of the sky as she was walking. She has been diligenly sounding the alarm. All persons outside are being warned to watch out for this falling sky or better yet to not even go out today unless there is a dire need to do so. We ask for anyone else who sees a piece of the sky falling to call our hotline.
Once again…THE SKY IS FALLING!
Stay indoors, folks, until the exterminator comes to town - a Ms. Muffet has been the victim of a spider scare. Muffet, who friends describe only as “little,” was sitting innocently on her tuffet when the alarming arachnid set himself down beside her. Police believe this was an effort on the part of the awful arthropod to procure Ms. Muffet’s meal - a generous sampling of curds and whey - for his own use.
Please call our number if you have any information on the spooky spider, or if you know what in the world a “tuffet” is.
Stay indoors, folks, until the exterminator comes to town - a Ms. Muffet has been the victim of a spider scare. Muffet, who friends describe only as “little,” was sitting innocently on her tuffet when the alarming arachnid set himself down beside her. Police believe this was an effort on the part of the awful arthropod to procure Ms. Muffet’s meal - a generous sampling of curds and whey - for his own use.
Please call our number if you have any information on the spooky spider, or if you know what in the world a “tuffet” is.
Stay indoors, folks, until the exterminator comes to town - a Ms. Muffet has been the victim of a spider scare. Muffet, who friends describe only as “little,” was sitting innocently on her tuffet when the alarming arachnid set himself down beside her. Police believe this was an effort on the part of the awful arthropod to procure Ms. Muffet’s meal - a generous sampling of curds and whey - for his own use.
Please call our number if you have any information on the spooky spider, or if you know what in the world a “tuffet” is.
REPORTER1: Tonight in our Hollywood report we have Twinklebell on the red carpet for entrance of the Emperor. The emporer has paid an exporbitant amount for some new clothing that is enchanted…
REPORTER2:that can’t be right, they must mean enchanting…
REPORTER1:no, it IS enchanted clothing. It seems the emperor hired those designer that are able to make clothing that if you can’t see them you are not smart.
REPORTER2: Jim I bet you see the Emperor au’natural
REPORTER1: HaHa Valencia, you kidder. Let us go to Twinklebell.
Twinklebell: Thank you Jim. I am here on the red carpet where we have been told the Emperor will make his entrance at any moment. The crowd is very excited. There is almost a party atmosphere here. The churro salesmen are doing a brist business since it feels like a carnival.
REPORTER1: Twinklebell, can you see the Emperor?
Twinklebell: No Jim, but we have been told that the Emperor will be here at any moment. What I can tell you is that anybody who is anybody in the kingdom is here as well as a large amount of reporters, I would say there are over 100 of them.
REPORTER2: Twinklebell, how many reporters do you think are there?
Twinklebell: I estimate there are over 100 reporters here to cover this important event. There are reporter from all over the world. [loud noise] I can hear a loud cheer going up towards the start of the red carpet. It appears the Emperor is now here. … I can see the emperor now and his clothes look, uhm, well, uhm, you did say that if anyone could not see them they were stupid, right?
REPORTER1: Yes that is the report we have the clothes are enchanted.
Twinklebell: Well the emperors clothes are jsut gorgeous. Look at those colors, have you ever seen anythng so manificent.
REPORT2: Do you think you will be able to get an interview with the Emperor Twinklebell?
Twinklebell: I am going to try to talk to the Emperor as he goes by. He is right in front of me. EMPEROR, EMPEROR, FAIRY TAIL NEWS, WOULD YOU SPEAK TO US?
EMPEROR: Hi, I hope everyone out in your audience loves my new clothes.
REPORTER FROM CROWD: Emperor who are you wearing?
EMPErOR: Verdaci is the two designers.
Twinklebell: Emperor you clothes look beautiful. I LOVE this fabric. How did they get such a great blend of colors.
EMPEROR: They worked night and day, night and day.
CHILD IN CROWD: The Emperor is Naked, I can see his [bleep].
Twinklebell: Jim The Emperor is Naked and is trying to cover up. The crowd is laughing…
CENSORS: We are sorry but the program you have been watching is no longer available since it violates the FCC laws against indecent exposure. We will be investigating the station and all stations that violated our laws and broadcast this lewd and obscene portion of the Emperor’s entrance. We will then fine them much money and give all FCC upper management great raises.
REPORTER1: I am sorry but we seemed to have lost Twinklebell as well as our broadcasting license stay tuned to this channel for your local network news at 11
Rats, Foiled Again
News of the Weird
Dateline: Hamelin
The rodent rampage on the roads of our respectable town is over! A Mr P. Piper, late of the village green, has succeeded in confounding his critics, some in these pages, and drawn the dreaded and disgusting scavengers out of town. Civic authorities are debating his claim for payment as of this writing.
On an unrelated matter, what has happened to our children?
Two Children presumed dead, found
Dateline: The Black Forest
Three weeks after they wandered away while their woodsman father cut logs, two children came out of the woods. The children allege their father purposly lost them in the woods at their late-step mother’s insistance.
The children claim they survived their ordeal due to the kindly intervention of a witch. The witch, recently perished in a kitchen fire, was unavailible for comment.
The father, a twice widowed woodsman, is under investigation pending charges for child endangerment.
This is SKYNEWS7. We are right now over the scene of a horrific accident. If we can get a close up you can see two children who have fallen down the hill. We have just learned their names are Jack and Jill. It seems they were just doing chores and going for a bucket of water. The police have already called for a Medivac choper to transport Jack to the hospital since he has broken his crown. We have no word on the condition of Jill at this moment. This accident has totally stopped the traffic up and down the hill as well as slowed down the traffic on the lane because of rubbernecks. You might want to find an alternate route up the hill to fetch a pail of water until they get this thing cleaned up. Once again we have an accident on the hill.
THIS HAS BEEN A SPECIAL REPORT FROM FAIRY TAIL NEWS 7.
(Sorry for the triple post. I had loading issues last night.)
[I thought your triple post was on purpose to represent how the news rebroadcasts the same thing over and over–I thought it was clever]
Tonite at the auditorium they are having the premier fiddle player, the cat, in concert. He will be showcaseing his new hit “hey diddle diddle” that reached number one in record time. We understand there are still some good seats available so call their box office.
Now in sports:
Quite the upset today as it was cow1 over the moon 0. The dog crowd was quite enthusiatic over this upset. Let’s go to the highlight. As you can see the cow got quite a jump this time. This dog is quite enjoying it as he laughs.
Now back to our news.
The large wedding for the dish and spoon had to be cancelled when they eloped unexpectedly. The wedding was being planned by the whole service to be quite the elaborate affair. Their friends are quite upset to learn of this latest development in the on again off again relationship.
Thread title changed at OP’s request.
Thread moved to MPSIMS because it isn’t, y’know, really a Cafe Society thread.
**This Just In: ** All parents are warned there is a sexual predator accosting young girls on the grounds of Fairytale Prep. The suspect, perported to be one Georgie Porgie, has approached several girls on the playground, whereupon he kissed them and made them cry. He apparently ran away when the boys came out to play. Anyone knowing the whereabouts of Porgie is urged to come forward.
After our break: We talk with Extreme Makeovers participant Humpty Dumpty about his amazing transformation from shattered accident victim to a porcelain perfection!
In a potentially related development, a local lad named Tom has been cited for stealing a pig from a neighboring farmer. Tom, who refused to give his surname but did reveal that his father is a piper, took off running after his daring swinenapping.
This just in: After butchering and eating the purloined hog, Tom was set upon by an angry mob which proceeded to inflict a savage beating upon his person. Tom escaped, and was last reported to be crying as he ran down Shrewsbury’s Main Street. A source who agreed to be interviewed on condition of anonymity has informed Fairy Tale News that Tom and his father have been estranged for years, as the senior Piper’s attempt to pass along his trade to his son was frustrated when Tom was unable to learn any tunes, with the exception of a ditty known as “Over the Hills and Far Away”.
Well, if Tom is caught, he may be “over the hill” as a criminal once he’s sent far away from our fair city!
Ha ha! But on a more serious – indeed, shocking – note, Mr. P. Piper is now suspected of being somehow involved in the disappearance of Hamelin’s children! More on this story as it develops…
Trish Takinawa here. Now, an exclusive interview with the parents of the alleged ‘Huff and puff killer’.
TT- Mr and Mrs BadWolf, do you think you’re son is guilty?
Mrs W- We have no son!
Mr W- And it isn’t Wolf. Our name is Badvolfski! That’s my name. It vas my faddah’s name. It vas my grenfaddah’s name. It vas his faddah’s name! And you get the point. But our son! That shmendrick decides to change it so he can fit in with the goys!
Mrs W- And I didn’t name any son of mine ‘Big’? What kind of a name is Big, I ask you? I named him Victor, Victor Badvolfski. But he doesn’t want to be a nice doctor or accountant! No, he says he wants to be famous. He says Victor Badvolfski isn’t a name you can be famous with. I say ‘So mister bigshot, what name are you gonna be famous with?’ and that’s when he changed it to Big.
TT-But do you think he’s guilty?
Mr W- Oh, absolutely he’s guilty. The judge should lock him away!
Mrs W-First it was requests for turkey ham. ‘It’s still kosher.’ he’d say. Then, I found the magazines.
TT-Pornography?
Mr W- We should be so lucky! If he had been looking at nudie pictures, none of this never would have happened.
TT-What then?
Mrs W- Catalogs! 
Ham catalogs! Honey glazed! Smoked! With cloves! Canned! Oy gevalt, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??
Mr W- We tried to talk to him about it. But, he just wouldn’t listen. When I found the videotape of the documentary on pigs, we kicked him out.
TT-There you have it. Even loving parents were unable to cure the depraved hungers of the suspect. This is Trish Takinawa, reporting.
This just in… King Midas has abandoned his lucrative muffler shop chain in order to partner with Rumplestiltskin. The Merger is hampered though, because the contract keeps turning to solid gold, and one of the parties refuses to sign his real name.
In fashion news:
Rapunzel was sighted earlier this week buying hair extentions, this closely following public accusations that her husband Prince Charming had a facelift and pectoral implants.
Diane: This just in… Police are looking for a suspect for a recent home invasion occurring at the home of three bears. The Bear family who wasn’t home at the time of the break-in came home to find food missing and a chair destroyed. We no go live to the scene.
Reporter: This is Chip reporting from the Forrest at the home of the Bear family, here with me is the Mother Bear, Mrs. Bear, would you tells us what happened?
Mrs. Bear: I just can’t believe it, we were out for a walk and when we returned to find someone ad broken into our home. We found food missing and a chair destroyed.
Reporter: Did you see anyone?
Mrs. Bear" Yes, we almost caught the thief, but she jumped out of a window.
Reporter: The police are describing the suspect as a little girl with golden locks. They say if she’s caught she’ll be charged with petty theft, vandalism and breaking and entering. Anyone with information is asked to call Police. Back to you in the Studio, Diane.
Diane: In other news, Police are investigating the disappearance of a little girl. Little Red Riding Hood was last scene in the company of a wolf. The little girls grandmother is also missing, police aren’t commenting on if there’s a connection, no Amber Alert has been issued.
Tonight on News 3 at 6:00:
The swinging lifestyle. Is it really becoming more popular? One young girl tells us why she decided to move in with SEVEN men and how it has drastically effected her life… Tonight on News 3 at 6:00.
This is a FTN special alert…a girl has been kidnapped, and is being held captive at a castle by a creature known only as Beast.
The girl, named Belle, is the daughter of a local inventor. Gaston, the renowned hunter, expressed concern over the kidnapping of his future wife, and vows to storm the castle and rescue her.
The castle has fallen into disrepair over the past several years, ever since a wandering beggar woman was turned away from the door on a stormy night.
We now return you to our current programming, Cooking with Jack, featuring Plum Pie and Four and Twenty Blackbird Pie.