No, clueless male types, this has nothing to do with bondage or S&M. It’s about foundation garments, and not the hot sexy ones, either. I’m talking about what used to be called “girdles” and is now called “shapewear”. Fat roll wranglers. I’ve been told by many people that the best in the herd, the most efficient smoother of unfortunate bulges, is Spanx.
So, unfortunately, I weigh a little more than I used to. Not much, but I’m small of frame and genetically programmed to put on weight between my waist and mid-thigh, so it’s, you know, noticeable. If my name were June, I’d be busting out all over. I’ve gone up two pant sizes. Meanwhile, I’m also giving in to professional old-ladyhood at the ripe old age of 26, so I’ve also started shopping at Chico’s. (It’s really embarassing.) Yeah, okay, they have a lot of jackets that look like Grandma’s decoupage box exploded, but their basics are nice, machine washable, and unwrinkleable. The ones I tried on also showed every single one of those unfortunate bulges, however, while simultaneously hiding the fact that I still do possess a waist.
I found a nice skirt that looked good on me, however, and I noticed, hey, they sell those Spanx things here! So I got a, I think, “Power Panty”, to do something about that roll problem. It comes basically from my waist to mid-thigh, although it ends up at my waist instead of a few inches higher because, like I said, no fat on me above the waist. (Okay, so the reason I bought them is that last week at work somebody thought I was pregnant. I am most certainly not pregnant.)
I gotta say, I thought it was going to be a lot worse. The effect is really great - no lines, no baby bump, no jiggle. It’s not as hideously uncomfortable as I expected - quite comfy up until the belly part, which does feel constantly constricted. The waist is better than, say, pantyhose, but it’s still pretty tight.
The weird part is, okay, so the website suggests you don’t wear underwear with them. Which gives it by far a better look. But it feels really freaking creepy. Doesn’t move around or anything, stays right where I put it, just creepy. And also, there’s a hole in the crotch. I mean, an on purpose one. Like what great-grandma used to have in her bloomers, except I think this one is for comfort in movement instead of to pee through. Who am I to say, though - I’m now taking three times as long in the bathroom wrangling my girdle. My grandmother even finally gave her girdle up, at 91, and here I am putting one on!
But on the whole, I’m very impressed. It’s not too uncomfortable and it definately fixes the problem. Also seems very well-made. I’d just like to hear what everybody else thinks about their own girdles, and praise the one I got, which from what I can tell really does seem to be the cream of the crop.
PS - do not lay a wicked fart in extremely constraining undergarments. It hangs around.
