In the event of an emergency, the first animals Wellington Zoo will shoot are...

the chimpanzees.

The chimps are followed by the lions, tigers, African wild dogs and Malayan sun bears.

I thought this was interesting too:

Is this standard practice at most zoos?

Wow! I don’t know, but I’ll have to ask - today I went in for orientation at our local zoo to volunteer in animal care, and if my TB test comes back negative I think I’m all set to work in small mammals, lemurs, and gorillas. (I thought I wanted cat/bear, but there’s nothing in that section that you can be in the exhibit with at the same time because of the danger level.) You evidently have to work your way up to the gorilla exhibit, and then they try you out with the gorillas and if they don’t like you then it’s just too bad and you can’t work with them! :slight_smile:

Would that list be followed before or after they take pot shots at any stray Aussie tourist?
100% There for the taking

I say arm the chimps—the balance of power is maintained that way.

I’d say if I ran the world, the peacocks are the first to go.

  1. You end that annoying call.
  2. Good eatin’ plus feathers double as fancy toothpicks.
  3. Profit!

As we on this forum all know, nuking them from orbit is the only way to be sure.

I have to say though, I am trying to imagine how those decisions were made.

“now, item number 5 on the agenda…animal assassination…order therof.
My own preference is to proceed in alphabetical order, any thoughts on that?”

The quoted article is a bit condensed. If you look at other news sources you will find the sharpshooter is ON CALL at all times. A bit of a difference.

It also says the animals will only be shot if they escape. The shooting is done as tranquilizers don’t always work and maiming the animals would be considered cruel and most likely result in them being put down anyway.

The New Zealand Herald says:

Well, we’ve had dangerous animals escape before and not shot them dead, although I suppose the surrounding neighborhoods weren’t in danger - remember when one of our gorillas decided to go walkabout on the zoo grounds and some idiot made some racist tweet about Michelle Obama and got us on the national news again? Of course, a gorilla isn’t a tiger.

“The zebras seem to be all in favour of this, but there are some grumblings coming from the aardvarks.”

edited to remove a clever one liner that, on review does not work AT ALL.
removing it and owning up to it is less embarrassing than leaving it in.

Not surprised. Chimps are assholes. They’ll bite your face off. Does no one remember all of the chimp-related attacks we get?

Scary stuff, chimps.

Why wait? Just shoot the chimps now. It’s been nearly thirty years since I was constrained to spend a couple days observing their habits at a zoo as part of a college ethology class, and I still hate chimps.

I think you may be a little biased.

A gorilla escaped his enclosure at the Dallas zoo several years ago, and they shot him dead.

I have fairly close ties to our local zoo through my employer and work with the vets that work there.

The lady vet is HATED by the male gorilla - likely because she administers injections to all the gorillas, the gorillas get upset/cry, he thinks she’s hurting his troop and gets all protective.

I got to meet all the gorillas (including him) and was hand feeding a couple of the lady gorillas along with a couple of other people. Everything was going swimmingly, until the lady vet walked by and the male gorilla saw her. We had to RUN to get out of the enclosure we were in he was so nuts. One of the women I was with got hit in the head with dried gorilla turd.

Trust me, if the gorillas don’t like you, you’re much better off just avoiding their cage. :slight_smile:

(If they do like you, it’s pretty awesome though!)

Good. Kill 'em with fire. The little bastards go for your balls!

Have we learned nothing from Stephen Colbert?

Shoot the bears.

Your hidden agenda is shining through loud and clear, given your user name.

This is easily the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks, hahaha. I wish I hung out with people who did this kind of cool stuff :slight_smile: