CNN story
I guess I’ll have to re-open my “seen it all” file.
Now it can be said: The devil is in the details, literally. 
The CNN reporter seems confused about what Satanism is. Church of Satan members are not “devil worshippers,” and the man in question sort of says so very late in the story. Unless I’m wrong, most Satanists don’t even believe in Satan in a literal sense, he’s more of a symbol for enlightened self-interest.
I wonder what his “Satanic rites” consist of, and what sort of “Satanic funeral” he would have, though. I don’t actually know very much about Satanism. But apparently I know more than some.
I don’t believe you are wrong. What interests me is that, given a position of self interest and a belief in the absolute freedom of the individual, why did he choose to join the Navy? There he will be required to obey the orders of others in the cause of protecting an abstraction (the nation) that his religion probably regards with distain.
Must admit the story made me laugh though, and the Anne Widdecombe bit at the bottom is particularly amusing, paraphrased as it may be as: “I’m all for freedom of worship, but satanism is wrong”
I always wanted to be a chaplain for the Church of Satan. Or maybe Voodoo.
Some Airman: “Sir, I’ve been having problems with my marriage. I think my wife’s cheating on me.”
Me: "I think I can fix this. Bring me some of her hair, a couple of her nail clippings, and some of her urine. Meet me in the graveyard at 2345 hours. In the meantime, take some of this High John the Conqueror root. Put half of it under her half of the bed, then chew the rest of it before you kiss her. "
So does that mean I can set up my own religion with my own rules and I would be allowed to practice it on board?
Bring on the sacrificial virgins.
Hey it’s my right to have them! 
(hmm…that seems like a good sig)
Let me be the first to say that he is no longer caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.
Maybe the opportunity to blow s**t up was too great to pass up. He said he believes in vengeance, after all.
My understanding of Satanists (which might, admittedly, be totally wrong) is that they don’t really believe in any cause greater than one’s own self-interest. As such, jobs like the police, firefighters, or the military aren’t something that they normally take.
I must say that I absolutely love the quote “Children and animals are not abused or killed [in satanism].”
Funny, but that is still a misconception of even paganism. A few years back my stepsons dad tried to get an injunction on our visitation because he was afraid my religious beliefs (as a pagan) would endanger his son.
However, I’m not entirely convinced he wasn’t just doing it to be a vindictive ass.
When I served in the Navy, However, there was a story I heard second hand. It was one of those “this is no BS” stories so take it for what it’s worth. It was about someone who was processed for an admin discharge for cheating on a test during his speciatly training because he claimed to be able to remote view into the safe where the answer key was stored. supposedly he aced the test, and they considered him a security risk.
Hmm… More than the Boston Catholic church can say. 
If that ship gets struck by lightning that guy is going to be harassed so badly.
So this guy’s imaginary friend has horns and a pitcfork and yours wears a beard and a nightshirt?
I want to hear a full “In the Navy” parody now. Especially the line that rhymes with “You can worship Beezlebub.”
is not clever enough to attempt a full parody
What are the fine points of Satanism? I thought it involved Satan worship, but apparently it’s only about self-interest…
Is this a question for GQ?
Check ZebraShaSha’s link.
As for my own stab at it, maybe “In the Navy/You can worship Beezlebub!/In the Navy/Take a warm bath in the tub!/In the Navy… In the Navy…”
There are two main Satanist organizations, the Church of Satan and a splinter group, the First Church of Satan. If you want information on what Satanists believe, those are the best places to look.
Actually, I’m pretty sure that this is the main Satanic organization in the US.
[sub]Oh, like he didn’t sign a pact with the devil to make him vice-president?[/sub]
The devil is Dick Cheney?!?!?
…Actually, that would explain a few things.