In the spirit of Christmas, post your "biggest asshole relative" stories here!

The BBQ Pit
21

I’ve bitched about my father-in-law (serious asshole if you’re not treating him like he’s the center of the universe) a lot here, so I won’t rehash much of the old stuff. He expects his kids and their spouses to be at Christmas and Thanksgiving with that side of the family, and if you aren’t you’ll catch hell for it for years. Literally. (He also expects you to see him at least once a month and call every other week at minimum.) I’d happily write him off, as would my husband, but my mother-in-law is nice and my husband would definitely miss seeing her.

So this year one of my sisters-in-law was going over Christmas to see her elderly, ailing father-in-law for the first time in years, and had planned to visit her parents the week prior instead, but she fell ill. Today at Christmas dinner, my FIL told my husband that she had a messed-up set of priorities. This woman hasn’t seen her FIL in a couple years due to distance, and her missing a single Christmas with her parents was a messed-up set of priorities?! My husband said that no, he thought she had them straight, and apparently my FIL had the sense to just say “agree to disagree” to that.

I only see my mother a few times a year, but every time I travel hours to see her on Christmas Eve then return in the early hours of Christmas Day so I can see the inlaws, my FIL manages to make a snarky comment about what an imposition it is on me - to see my mother. :smack: Some years I see her a few weeks later instead, but gosh, I’d just love to see her on the holiday now and then too, imagine that.

Oh, he also takes offense when court-ordered custody agreements would have one of his granddaughters at her father’s for Christmas or Thanksgiving, too.

22

Ah! The old “dump them before they can dump us!” bit. Like someone else said, this is all about control. When she started to take some, they reacted.

These stories make me happy that we tend to keep to neutral ground at my family gatherings.

23

Yesterday, Xmas day, my sister-in-law, my brother’s wife, who has obviously always felt she married beneath herslf, turns to her son in front of the whole family and says “Johnny, when you meet someone you want to marry, how are you going to explain this family to them?”

We were so astounded that nobody said anything. Except for my nepew Johnny who replied something like, “Since when is your famil perfect?”

24

I also have mentioned my FIL before - such a POS he isn’t worth a lengthy post.

Pathological liar - my wife has 2 sisters. When wife 1 proved unable to bear him a son and heir, he started having kids with his bookkeeper. First “accident” was a girl, so had another accident before they generated a junior. Continued to maintain his second family less than 5 miles from his other home. My wife found out about it when she was 22. While my wife’s family attended Lutheran church, apparently his other family believes he is Catholic. Guy is a racist, misogynist, true believer in the deity of all things Bush and Reagan. Has never apologized to my wife for having a second family - instead considers it to his credit that he supported two families at a higher standard than many men can support one.

The man tries to control everyone with money - which we do not accept from him. For a long time we tried to maintain some kind of relation with him, but have not spoken to him for a year or so - and prefer it that way.

The asshole is appropriately named Dick. I really wouldn’t mind at all if he would hurry up and die.

25

When I started dating Mrs Bdgr, I had just come off of a bad psuedo relationship where when I had to dress a certain way around the Girls father, borrow a car because he didn’t like motorcycles and thats all I had…that sort of thing.

So on my first date wih the future Mrs Bdgr I showed up on my bike, wearing my greasy cut off denim jacket with all the motorcycle patches, and went right up to the door met her folks. I half expected them to slam the door in my face.

Her stepfather opened the door and he had long hair and a beard. He wanted to know about the motorcycle…could he borrow it some time to go pick up his ole lady cuz it would really piss her off. We got along great…he was little pissed that I didn’t smoke dope because he was having trouble finding it.

All in all we got along great when Me and Mrs bdgr were in our early 20’s. Everything was fine. What we didn’t realize until later was that was because her stepfather and her mother were permenantly stuck in their late teens/early 20’s. They moved off to washington state and we didn’t see them again for a long long time. During that time we grew up, and they didn’t.

So, many years later I get a call from them. I had job and I was ust getting ready to buy a house. They wanted to move back Texas and we decided that they would move in with us for a while and we could help each other out…share the bills and the household chores etc. It sounded good at the time.

First problem, was my Sister in Law. She was oh, I guess about 13 or so and had never had any real parenting. she didn’t want to go to school and would call from the nurses office every day in a crying fit and the parents would go up and rescue her. I caught her having cyber sex with anon wierdos online and telling them where we lived. Me and her mother got into it a few times because of the shit she would pull.

They had gotten their disability cut off, and had no money so now I was supporting a family of six and had a new house to fix up/furnish. My mother in law was detoxing off of methadone that some quack had given her for some kind of injury.

Then I walked out one day to find my step Father In Law drunk off his ass smoking a joint in my driveway talking to my kid. I had to explain to him that I dont care what he did away from the house but I didn’t want him smoking dope there and I didn’t want him staggering around drunk all the time in more in front of my kid. His wife and kid both were happy about this, but he threw a tantrum.

The Step Father In Law, the first day we were in the new house, let my dog out in the morning without checking the gate was closed and he got hit by a gravel truck and killed. A kindly serial killer gave us a new puppie so my kid would have a dog again. Then they guy went on to murder another 6 people or so, but thats another story. I come home after working all day a few days later and the step father pulls me aside and tells me that he doesnt like the fact that they all have to look after the new puppie while me and Mrs Bdgr are at work. I kinda lost it at this point. I was supporting this guys whole family, neither he nor his wife worked, and his teenage daughter layed around the house all day, and the three of them couldnt take care of a dog during the day while I went to earn a living for them. Wow.

Eventually things degraded as the city got involved with their kid not going to school and they decided to move off to mexico. They had gotten some of their disability mess straightened out and right before they left they asked to borrowed a few hundered to get a prescription filled, promising to pay us back before they left town. They didnt, of course, and slipped out without saying goodbye.

26

:stuck_out_tongue: Best part of the story. The rest of it? :eek:

27

Heh…About a month ago I got a call from him…He had broken up with my mother in law and wanted to know if he could come live with us. I declined.

28

My mother was always bitching about, among other things, how “spiky” my father’s side of the family is; she phrases it “oh, you Smiths are all so spiky!” so that it includes myself and my bros (lastname changed to protect someone or other). Sick of it, I spent a while reminding her of this every time that she complained about her side of the family behaving exactly like “Dad’s”… “ah yes, you Joneses are so spiky!”

The first time she stared at me. I stared back. After a while she frowned and started to open her mouth and I said “what?” “No. Nothing.”

Spiky= in Navamom’s language, anybody who doesn’t call her when she wants them to call. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they haven’t called in months or somesuch; it may mean simply that she wants to speak with them. But… why should she be the one who calls, only because she’s the one who wants to speak with you?

I’m not sure if she’s my most-asshole-relative but, being the closest of the assholes, I suffer her smell more than others’.

29

I spent Christmas at home with my daughter and husband and his well-bread, nice family of mouth breathers. Please know that they are a “good family” and I am the backwoods, poor, beneath his station wife.

So I watch my 27 year old SIL begin the bitching when she walks in the door, demanding to know if I have ALL of the packages her uncle sent. (I wouldn’t know, he doesnt’ send me his postage receipts, but I assure her that all I received were under the tree) then moves on to digging beneath the tree to “hand out presents” only until she has procured all of HER presents and leaves a bunch under the tree. Who then proceeds to sulk and make smart ass comments about what a good christmas my daughter had (who is 15 months old and the first christmas she wasn’t a pooping blob). She then disappears to text message all of her “friends” who are so important to her. She bitches about breakfast, won’t look at my child, etc.

Then I get to spend yet another holiday with my 25 year old SIL eating with her mouth open while smacking her food.

Who is it that begrudges a 15 month old? The first grandchild? Our first child? Who is it that has worse table manners than a 15 month old?

That’s right. My husbands family.

Did I mention that we are flat assed broke and spent more on them than we did on our child just because they are such selfish assholes that we can’t say “gee, we can’t afford to buy gifts, but we would love to have you come over because we love you and value you.”

I didn’t get anyone in my family anything. You know why? Cause they would bitch slap me if I took money I didn’t have to buy them stuff.

I’ll take my family, as fucked up as they are in other ways…

Really, at 27 you are jealous of a BABY?

FWIW, the first christmas I spent with them, the 27 year old spent 5 hours opening gifts and STILL bitched.

30

I don’t like my brother-in-law. I never have. He’s a jerk and he’s stupid and he likes to make racist comments when I’m in the room because, my sister tells me, he knows it makes me angry. He and my sister are now separated and their two kids live with him, temporarily. She’s been going through a difficult time; she has breast cancer and had chemo and a double mastectomy, with more chemo on the way. He knows that, but he’s been hitting her up for money, even though he has a job and a pension from a job he’s retired from. She’s working less hours because, well, damn it, she has freakin’ cancer, so she doesn’t have extra money to send, but she does it anyway for her kids.

She hadn’t told the kids about the cancer, because she knew how much they’d worry and they couldn’t do anything for her. Well, Christmas rolls around, and she can’t afford to send her kids presents. She knows that stupidhead will say something nasty about her to the kids, so she tells the older one she has cancer and doesn’t have the money to send them presents, but once she is better and back to work, she’ll make up for it. He’s upset about the cancer, but okay about the presents.

And then it happens. She had her double mastectomy last week, and while she’s lying around her house with tubes and drains in her, her son calls up to tell her that his father told him that she really didn’t have cancer at all, she just wanted to keep the money so she could live the rich life. She had a double mastectomy! Lost all her hair from chemo! And that bastard says to her kid that she doesn’t have cancer? Fortunately, my nephew didn’t believe it, but I can’t wait until they’re divorced and the kids are living with her again and I never have to say his name again.

31

At one of our family Christmas parties, my drug-dealing cousin was caught going through our purses and coats. He said he was looking for a lighter. :rolleyes:

32

Perfect reason to get them nothing. “Well, I’ve noticed that no matter how much you get, you’ll still bitch about it, so I got what I could afford. Either way, I won’t avoid the whining.”

33

There’s a line from Rob Roy that I love.

“I will think of you as dead until my husband makes it so. Then I will think of you no more.”

Jessica Lange nails that line.

34

That would probably be the uncle who got caught fucking his 10 & 12 year old step-daughters. Mom & daughters moved into our guest house right before christmas. He showed up christmas day with a whole van full of toys, and they actually let him spend the day with them. Sadly, he’s still alive – and didn’t spend any time in prison, although he’s been a pariah for a long time.

35

After reading this thread, I am going to go give my wife, my sister, her husband and kids, my kids, and all my friends a big hug.
When they ask why I am going to point them to this thread.
I thank OG, I don’t have your relatives.

36

I have an aunt who I find very unpleasant. Don’t know if “asshole” fits, but certainly “stupid bitch” does.

She visited my parents this Christmas. The plan was for her to stay there for the entire duration of her visit–as my parents have plenty of room for her and her three kids. My sister–the only other potential candidate for “hostess”–does not.

My aunt was with them less than 24 hours before she, out of the blue, decides to visit my sister on Saturday night, right after we come out of my niece’s holiday performance. My sister, who loves to host people, was like “Sure”. It was late night but we were all buzzed and ready to party. But it was clear that my aunt wasn’t planning on just visiting for an hour or two. Before my sister finished asking (reluctantly) if she wanted to spend the night, my aunt was already making pallets on the floor.

Now my sister was already hosting me and my twin sister, my other aunt and her child, and–for the first time ever–our brother’s daughter and son. She and her husband also have two girls and are permanently housing a father-in-law and a sister-in-law. All in a three bedroom house. So she was already juggling a full house.

My aunt and her three children (one small child and two teenagers) had NOT been on the agenda. My sister had planned on a big breakfast for her original guests–one that would allow for seconds (‘cuz we like to eat). But with four additional, last-minute guests, this couldn’t happen. She had to generate biscuits out of scratch because there wasn’t enough bread, and she had to worry about having enough juice, bacon, etc. If that wasn’t enough, my aunt didn’t seem all that worried about getting her fat ass ready to leave. Normally, this wouldn’t have been a big deal, but it was Christmas Eve and my BIL’s family was due to come over that night and have their Christmas gift-opening ritual. It was going to be very much BIL’s family thing. My twin sis and I had already decided we were going to my parent’s house that night. When told about this, my dumb aunt didn’t seem to get it. She made a weak offer to contribute money for dinner fixings–not understanding that her simple presence was the imposition. She was all set for staying for the party, even though her and her kids’ asses hadn’t brushed teeth, showered, or changed clothes since the day before!

Finally, my sister had to “signify” that the aunt and her children would have to leave. My sister was heartbroken about doing this, but her husband was already angry about the breakfast thing. There’s no way he would have accepted her being at his Christmas uninvited, especially since the woman is not his favorite person in the first place. And frankly, the aunt is no one’s favorite person. She’s loud, judgemental, and ignorant on TOP of being abrasive and argumentative. My sister resented having to be placed in that awkward situation.

Turns out that my aunt and my mother (her sister) had had a few “words” which had made my aunt feel unwanted. The words were minor IMHO and not enough to warrant her passive-agressive behavior. Her unexpected absence made my mother feel awful and threatened to ruin her Christmas (and when Mama’s not happy, no one’s happy). Things seemed to heal themselves once the aunt returned, but the whole situation confirmed to me just how cluelessly hurtful a person my aunt is. I don’t like her and probably never will. I just hope her kids, who are all adopted, leave her clutches unscathed.

37

One of my wife’s aunts failed to show up for any Christmas festivities this year. It’s just the latest snubbed invitation in a series of them over the past several years, including my wedding. This aunt had to drop out of college because she got pregnant-- she later married the guy and the marriage eventually failed. The experience left her with a jaundiced and paranoid view of life-- nothing is fair and everyone is against her. She can rattle off a whole litany of grievances (some genuine, some exaggerated, some entirely imagined) against the rest of the family. The irony is that while some of her siblings have led arguably easier or luckier lives than her, she also received extraordinary emotional and financial support when she went through her difficult times. Of course, she’s forgotten all of that and only remembers real or imagined slights and disputes. When she does come around, which is increasingly rare, most of her time is spent complaining and judging.

I don’t know whether that rises to the level of “asshole”-- it’s more sad than anything else. Their family used to be really close; now this aunt seems intent on completely alienating everyone else.

38

I am going to do something similar. Og knows we have our problems, and I’ve been the cause of some of them, but… nothing was ever like the events in this thread.

39

This year the asshole was the BIL. The christmas feast held at another relatives’s house involved a ham and roast pork loin. Our 92 yo Great Aunt( a sweet harmless quiet person) who is widowed and lives alone was offered leftovers and she inquired about the ham bone. The old gal loves to make pea soup to freeze up. The bone head BIL, insisted he wants the ham bone. But the spunky great Aunt held her ground as she never would buy a bone in ham just for herself. Instead of giving in, the BIL compromises and snaps off the joint (the best part) and gives the old gal the shaft. :dubious:

40

Me.

My step grandmother (who loved us grandkids so unconditionally that I didn’t know she wasn’t my blood relative until 9 or 10) gave me a little molded plastic horse when I was in the third or fourth grade.

Being as poor as she was and having 8 grandchildren at that point, it probably didn’t cost that much but, truly, it’s the thought that counts. Right? I still remember how its left front hoof was raised in the air and remember actually enjoying playing with it.

However, when I returned to school from Christmas break, another kid in my class brought a handheld, manually operated pinball machine to class. My, how I wanted that thing. After much pleading from me, he agreed to trade it for my horse.

Forty years later, I still cannot forget the look of hurt on my grandmother’s face when she found out.