Inspired by Dooku’s recent post. I’m not sure who my biggest asshole relatives are, although I think my grandfather calling my brother at work to ask for money after my mother refused to pay his taxes for the umpteenth time, as well as calling my mother repeatedly and threatening to kill himself qualifies. They weren’t serious threats; he died of old age. The esteem his peers held him in is measured by the number of adults who came to his funeral: Five. That doesn’t include any of his grandchildren or even both of his daughters. My mother, bless her heart, was his only blood relative who showed.
Oops. Forgot to provide alink to Dooku’s thread.
You asshole.
Easy. My brother-in-law. We stopped accepting holiday meal invitations from my sister and her grown children two years ago because of the tension when he’s in the room. Not a gathering goes by without several “nigger” comments, or “fucking liberals” comments, not to mention complaints about how there are “no white people working in the banks anymore”, and how the “goddamn gooks are taking over everything”. Then there are the belittling stories about his wife (my sister), meant to show how inadequate and possibly unattractive she is. His children (all grown) have all the symptoms of people who were emotionally damaged in childhood. A true prince among men, in an alcoholic, abusive, prickish sort of way. So we spend Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter alone, and we don’t attend summer picnics. I wish he would die.
On the whole, I’m lucky. None of my family or inlaws rise to the level of being pit-worthy for things said or done at meal or gift exchanges and such.
OTOH, there’s the old ‘fish and guests start to stink after three days’ factor. You see, my husband and I are childless (by choice, no commiseration needed) and although our house is small, we do have three bedrooms. You’ll see that this obviously makes us the ones who should host any relatives who travel in for any holiday. :dubious:
And I don’t mean just a couple of days over Thanksgiving. Quite often in the past relatives have taken advantage of the ‘we’ll we’ve already spent the money to travel here to New England and you’re within a couple of hours drive of many ski slopes and the kids have the week off from school anyway…’ curse. Add in both weekends, and often an extra day at both ends, and we’re pretty much looking at having them stay for two weeks. Two looooogs weeks. And we only have one bathroom!
One year we had TWO sets of parents and six children at once!
Two weeks of constant noise, children squabbling (and as non-parents we’re not at all accustomed to tuning that out), jockeying for bathroom time, coming home from work to find that whatever you’d planned to make for dinner has been consumed for lunch, heaps of ski wear and gear piled every where, the television on constantly every evening… It gets old.
We’ve joked about taking a cruise over the holidays to escape, but we don’t really want to miss seeing the family over the Christmas feast and gift exchange and catching up. It’s just we don’t want the ‘extended family togetherness’ to go sooo long.
Anyway. We normally use one of extra bedrooms as a study/library/home office, and the other is the guest room/exercise room/sewing room and general ‘homeless item temporary storage’ room. This year our budget finally allowed for us to have the study redecorated, all the way down to clearing everything out to the bare floor, and having two walls covered in built-in shelves, installing new windows (with window seats to read in, yay!), running cables through the walls, tearing up the carpet and putting in hard wood floors, adding moldings, painting… basically, the room is going to be the study/office of our dreams. 
Work started in September…and it’s not anywhere done yet. Lots of holdups, big and small, but we’re dealing.
But guess what? All the existing stuff from the study got moved into the guest room, and as a result NEITHER can possibly be used as bedrooms right now.
I almost turned cartwheels when I realized that. “So sorry, Aunt Meg, but you and hubby and little Angela, David, and Kristen just wouldn’t be at all comfortable here this year. Why don’t you call Bill and Mary?”
Having a quiet home to withdraw to after some boisterous party or get together is wonderful. This is already the best Christmas we’ve had in years, and not a single present has been opened.
I’m already planning to have the guest room redecorated next year. Starting December 1st.
So, you and **Lizard **are what, asshole brothers?
My brother is an asshole. Gwen says “Hi!” to everyone.
I guess I wasn’t thinking specifically of asshole relative stories connected to Christmas, just asshole relatives in general, but the title of the thread does imply otherwise.
Ah, let’s talk for a moment about my in-laws. First of all, not the greatest parents in the barrel, my wife and her siblings grew up on a steady diet of emotional and physical abuse, being taught that the only way to survive was to sacrifice anything and everything for the happiness of their parents.
Fast forward twenty years, and we felt they had changed enough that we had a reasonably pleasant, albeit mostly superficial relationship with them. Our three year old daughter loves them because they are fun to play with.
Last year at this time, we mention in passing that we have named a good friend of ours to be guardian if anything happens to us. Apparently they assumed it would be them, and when we informed them that, no, we had made the choice that we felt was best for our daughter, they cut my wife out of their will.
This year, they managed to top themselves. They know that my wife is going through some tough emotions, trying to heal from the trauma of the past, and I suspect that anytime my wife mentioned that she wasn’t doing well, had a headache, whatever, they took it as a criticism. So last month they politely asked that whenever we get together, that we refrain from discussing how we are doing, how we are feeling, anything emotional or personal of any sort. My wife told them that she had no interest in having a totally superficial relationship with them. And so with the words “Oh well, I guess we won’t bother then”, they dumped us.
I guess the good news is that we won’t be collecting anymore asshole relative stories from them.
I don’t know how much money was involved, but it sounds like good riddance. The company of people who won’t settle for anything less than complete control over you is not worth a dime.
My cousin’s ex-husband lied to the court and said their baby was born in NC (where the ex and my cousin used to live) when he was really born in Maine. This lie got him emergency custody and he then fled Maine to NC. He didn’t have custody for long. But still what an asshole.
However, the baby is dressed up as Santa Claus today so it’s hard to stay mad in the presence of such cuteness.
I don’t have any asshole relatives, really. Some of them can be thoughtless and annoying, but that’s true of most of us.
So why am I here? I’ve read a gazillion threads about family, and I can’t think of a single one where someone complained about their children or grandchildren. I guess that could be because most Dopers are fairly young, and while their (our) kids might have issues or problems, they’re safe from asshole status.
But some of us are old enough to have grown kids and grandkids, so why no complaints about them? Have we all learned from the mistakes of our parents, grandparents, in-laws, etc. and raised flawless children? Or is it a reflection on ourselves as parents if we bitch about our kids?
Anyone have any kids to bitch about?
There have been threads, usually in MPSIMS or IMHO rather than the Pit, where people state that they are at the end of their rope with their offspring. Usually, though, they’re asking for advice or for people to help them strengthen their resolve.
Asshole relative stories usually end with the poster stating, “So I gave up,” or words to that effect. It’s hard to give up on your kid.
It gives me no small grief to say that my most embarrassing, self-dramatizing relative this Christmas is the same one who is also the most generous, forgiving and loving. Mama Doug just can’t respect boundaries where me or Papa Doug are concerned.
I am Type 2 diabetic and having problems controlling my blood sugar, a fact Mama Doug has always taken not so much seriously as personally. Enough so to ruin the mood during today’s Xmas Eve lunch with my cousin and her friend by accusing me aloud of “eating to be cute” and “show her up.” I felt moved to apologize to my cousin and friend afterwards.
I just wish it didn’t make me feel so denied, and eager to stuff myself even more. I’ve tried and tried to reach her about that, but she won’t acknowledge a thing.
Sometimes people love you too much to do the right thing. 
I guess I’ll bitch about one of my kids, my oldest, who seems to take pride in being “late” with Christmas gifts. Late as in February or March. He’s never sent a gift in time for Christmas, and his card (with the funny Christmas letter) is always late too. He does the same thing with birthdays.
He doesn’t make excuses, he just jokes about it. “When has our family been on time for anything?” I’m not sure what he’s remembering, because this wasn’t a problem when he was growing up. The gifts he receives from me and his siblings are always on time.
It was funny, for a couple of years, but it’s not anymore.
He’s also done this thing with his brothers, where if he doesn’t like what they give him, or if he already has the item, he thinks it’s their responsibility to return it and get him what he wants. :dubious:
He’s a bit selfish too, or un-generous. When he started replacing VHS tapes with DVDs, and audio tapes with CDs, he offered his old stuff to his siblings, but he wanted to be paid for them. Since many of those tapes had been gifts from his parents and siblings, I was embarrassed to hear that he wouldn’t just give them away. His brothers and sisters aren’t like that.
So he’s a bit of an asshole when it comes to gifts. His brothers have learned to just give him gift cards. Saves bad feelings.
I could write a novella on my husband’s aunt and uncle, but I’ll spare you. They are the two most self-centered, selfish, immature adults I’ve ever met. They throw extravagent birthday parties for each other, including balloons and cake and streamers and crap, and ignore their children and grandchildren. Yes, they throw birthday parties for EACH OTHER in the manner suitable only for spoiled eight-year-olds, and give nothing to their grandchildren, not even the most important of things, and things that cost no money: time, love and attention.
They decorate for Christmas in a way similiar those people whose houses get on TV. Tons and tons and tons of holiday decorations, huge tree, stuff everywhere, toy training running around, the whole she-bang. Excessive. They spend thousands on each other, and nothing on anyone else. (They have the money to be generous, but aren’t.) They are basically estranged from their three grown children, two of whom live in the same city, and who maybe see them if there’s a funeral or some emergency. Otherwise, there’s no contact.
Last year, they invited their daughter to spend Christmas with them. (They are desperate, I guess, to have some semblence of ‘family’ around them, as my husband’s mother and grandmother have passed away now, and my husband and I have no reason to see them.) She, the daughter, is HIV-positive, on income assistance, and is generally just scraping by.
On Christmas last year, the aunt and uncle opened megabucks worth of presents to each other in front of their daughter. For her, well, they gave her some of their used Christmas decorations that my husband’s aunt was “tired of”. Oh, they had told her this, too, no pretence of anything else. Merry frickin’ Christmas.
She, the daughter, said it was worse than being alone at Christmas.
This was pretty much the marzipan on the Christmas cake of what they’ve done in the last few years. Unless you count telling the funeral home people when they pre-arranged their burial that they had no children.
They have three.
ok, that is very fucked up.
Yeah. Instead of having to involve their children in anything, they just pretend they don’t have them. Very weird, but then these people are very weird.
When my husband’s mother and grandmother passed away, there was no longer any reason to associate with them, and it’s a tie that we’ve gratefully, quietly, severed.
I just can’t imagine living in the same city as my grandchildren and not bothering to see them. They are delightful children, and the aunt/uncle are missing out on a lot of joy.
Their loss.
I have siblings which I don’t interact with very often. They have good moments but by & large are toxic. Currently, they involved on a grab-fest over my Mom’s estate which tops even their crassness at the grab-fest over my father’s estate in '99. (People, she was his wife. She got it all. Get Over It.)
Sibling #1 (oldest): Female. aka “Evil Bitch Sister” Several kids, all of whom seem to move as far away from her as possible to live. Not a coincidence.
*Kept me from talking to my father just before a stroke removed his power of speech.
*Took $100k of antique persin rugs out of the family home.
*Took valuable first edition out of the family home.
*Borrowed $$$ from our parents well into her 50s, while still living in a Huge mansion & driving BMW/Mercedes?LandRover.
*Brought Mom’s checkbook to the nursing home when she had Alzheimers to pay for her kids tuition and her new “Sub-Zero” kitchen.
*Showed up at my kids birthday parties with her husband & kids STARVED to raid all the chaffing dishes, all the cookies, and drain the bar. While there, Bitched about how she was worried her new car would be stolen because of our ‘bad neighborhood’, Made PuertoRican racist statements in front of my wife’s Nephew’s wife who was, you guessed it, Puerto Rican.
*Called all the kids at the party ‘Animals’.
*Has turned ‘Happy Birthday’ phonecalls into whiny bitchfests about why she can’t steal more money from Mom’s estate and why she should just be allowed to ‘Take’ (read: Steal) Mom’s Florida Condo.
(There are multi-Dozens of others; won’t spend Christmas remembering them)
Sibling #2 (second-oldest): Female Two kids, who are really sweet. Miss them.
*Severe shopping disorder & Depression.
*May or may not have cheating husband; possible delusions.
*Has a Mother in law who makes things worse by intentionally excluding her from all family events. Her husband never cut those apron strings.
*Lives too far away for me to really help. I miss her, but I can’t ‘fix’ her.
Sibling #3 (third-oldest): Female Behind the scenes manipulator (CONTROL FREAK) (3000 miles away, Thank Og) Several kids who seem to want nothing to do with us, possibly on orders from their Mom. Its a Shame, that.
*Systematically stripped parents house of items while they were alive. Husband is pilot, so they’d regular pack (read: Steal) freight from the attic/basement/garage and fly it home.
*Took almost all of my grandfathers/mothers things. (Antique Road Show quality; possibly Sothby’s quality)
*Tried to get executorship removed from another sibling.
*Harrassed all siblings almost daily with “where’s my check? where’s my check?” re: Mom’s estate until we finally stopped taking her calls.
*Had a ‘first mortgage’ through my Dad that was never repaid; calls everyone else in the family leaches & thieves. Pot-kettle-black.
*Talks down to anyone on the east coast as ‘pushy NYers’, when her husbands family’s claim to fame was robbing wagon trains and pretending they had class for 6 generations. I may be from the East Coast, but if greedy Pirates like you are whats on the West Coast, then I’m not in any hurry to move.
Sibling #4 (fourth-oldest): Male. Nice guy. **Married to the ultimate Teutonic Bitch (NOTE: Not all Nazis were born in Germany). ** Have several kids who are my kids age who I miss & who miss us too. Points made are about Her, the wife, not Him. She runs that house, so that’s a minor distinction.
*Has all but accused me of child abuse by not letting me interact with her daughters (ie play). If one tries to hug me, I have to raise my arms so as not to have arm contact with them and she still gives me the evil eye. Brother possibly unaware of this.
*Has issues with my weight. When I was heavy, bitched about me being Fat. Whenever I’d lose weight, said she didn’t want to be around me (or have her kids around me)until my weight ‘stabilized’. “When you are at the same weight for 6 straight months, you let me know”. Equates weightloss with mental weakness/instability.
*Sends my brother & her kids to all birthday parties, as she wouldn’t ‘set foot’ in our house.
*criticises how clean our house is.
*joins in /has joined in re: all racist jokes Evil Bitch Sister and her Neo-con husband have.
*Drapes herself around all male neighbors & friends of my brothers in front of us. (We’re talking hugs with one of her legs wrapped around the guy’s ass)
*Disparages all ancestries except German, which is hers.
*My brother may or may not have taken/spent estate money on his house, doubling its size. Truthfully, Mom & Dad talked about doing same while they were alive, so I don’t mind.
Today is Christmas. I spend it, quite happily, with my Family: my wife (who my siblings make Polish jokes about) and my two sons, the only kids in the family who will carry on the family last name (and who are hated by my siblings for it).
We’re all very happy and have no need for them in our lives, if the costs are to be so high.
I’m going to gripe about my daughter. We were supposed to pick her up at 12:30 today and take her, her boyfriend, and their son to my mom’s for Christmas. We all live in about a 10 mile area. My grandma and my uncle and his wife were also going to be there. My uncle and wife have not seen my grandson for 2 years.
All morning I try both my daughter’s landline and cellphone to make sure they are going to be ready to go at 12:30. No answer. As we’re walking out the door to go pick them up, the phone rings. It’s my daughter, “We’re not going. I’m sick and I can’t go to grandma’s sick.”
Okay, this is true–she can’t go to Mom’s if she’s got anything contagious because Mom has lupus. I understand that. But what about calling earlier to let us know she wasn’t going? How about calling my mom and letting her know since she was making enough food for all of us? How about arranging for the grandbaby to go? Why the fuck does she have to wait til the very last minute to let me know what’s going on? And then leave it for me to explain to everyone else. My mom was pissed.
Everybody had presents for the grandbaby, but he wasn’t there. Everyone was looking forward to seeing him–he’s the only little one in the family right now.
This is par for the course with this child–she never thinks of anybody else. I’ve tried to explain to her that now that she has a kid he comes first, but it just isn’t sinking in. At least he’ll still get his presents, because I have them all here and I’m holding them hostage until I can get the grandbaby over here. Probaby tomorrow, because I’m sure she’ll be needing something soon and she ain’t getting anything from me until I get what I want–the grandbaby.
She’s the asshole this year. Also, my brother, who hasn’t called or visited my mom for the last two years.