In The Year 2000, now 3000 ...

The Game Room
1

Conan O’Brien has finally upped his famous running gag about predicting the
future. Like these odd predictions in 50’s magazines: http://i43.tinypic.com/2vt7ggy.jpg

I thought it was hilarious that when 2000 came and went he left the title alone.
But now of course, in his new time slot, he’s finally changed it to the year 3000.
The predictions are still usually about something happening in the news right now.

So what are your predictions?

In The Year 3000 channel surfing will replace baseball as The National Pastime.

In The Year 3000 the number of Oscar nominees will be expanded again so Adam Sandler can get a best picture nomination.

… the governments of the world will tax web profits and porno will again be available only behind the counter at liquor stores.

… marijuana will become legal and the tragic substance bubblegum will finally be outlawed.

2

The radioactive glow of the glassy surface of the earth will look particularly pretty when contrasted with the Northern Lights.

3

In the year 3000…

…Paper will be considered a rare collector’s item that people will pay thousands for at yelling auctions(silent auctions went out of style).

…Cows will go mad all over the world and as a consequence, cheese will become rare.(Who cares about the resulting pandemic of Mad Cow Disease when you don’t have cheese?)

…Hasbro will release a new version of Scrabble, this time including naughty words. It will be called “Dickwad Addition”(Compare with their earlier Diamond Edition).

I’m not very funny. sigh

4

…Google Chrome will find a way to block annoying pop-up ads by overlaying them with a ten-question survey about why you want to pop that pop-up.

…Attention spans will continue to decrease, only octogenarians will still be texting, middle agers will be the only tweets, adults will communicate with “Duh”, the single-word app, teens will just send single letters and tweens will send just 0 or 1.

5

In one of life’s great ironies, tweens sending 0’s and 1’s will end up becoming a distributed sentient awareness.

6

…people will stop making pets of pot belly pigs or ferrets and start doting on sea creatures, dressing them up like SpongeBob SquarePants and pals.

…scientists will combine genes from Clint Eastwood and opossums. Instead of playing dead when confronted, they will tell hostage takers “Go ahead. Make my day.”

7

…advances in cloning will allow for the creation of a Michael Jackson/Elvis Presley hybrid. Unfortunately, he will immediately break all bones below the waist when he tries to moonwalk and shake his hips at the same time and be forced to live out his life in a wheelchair.

8

In the Year of the Depends Adult Undergarment…

… people will still want to deny Lutherans and Presbyterians the right to get married.

… there will be hundreds four-year programs for spammers. Harvard’s will still be the best.

… Tibet will realize its nuclear ambitions, much to the horror of the Han Caliphate in Beijing.

… Moishe Cohen, Prime Minister of Mexico, will win the Powerball and move to Alaska.

… Hawaii will be nearly fit for human habitation, with Honolulu 98% decontaminated.

… Ginza will reconsider secession. Tokyo won’t.

… corn will grow as far north as Iowa.

9

… Donald Trump will finally dump the wig, but instead of a comb over he will have two mohawks, one sticking out on each side with bald in the middle

… Sarah Palin will still have followers and still be explaining all her previous speeches

… The Leno 10:00 show will bomb when fans demand he become more like Charlie Rose’s political interview show

… The Michael Jackson will is still being contested by twentieth generation relatives.

… Russia and China will agree about something: That Luxembourg should get plutonium enrichers and long range missiles as long as they are for peaceful and defensive purposes.