Looking out my from window, across the street there is a work truck that just pulled up and parked in the driveway, completely blocking the sidewalk. At this moment, several kids are walking to the middle school at the end of the block. The workers are standing there, watching the kids have to walk around the truck. Not a huge deal for the kids, but an inconvenience nevertheless. There is a wide open parking space along the curb no more than 20 yards away. Nothing appears to be being loaded/unloaded from this truck.
Personally, I simply could not park in this manner. As I go about my business in public, a significant portion of my brain is dedicated to NOT inconveniencing others as they go about their business. Especially if I am breaking rules/conventions in the process.
So how about you? To what extent do you inconvenience others. And how do you think about people who inconvenience you? Feel free to define it however you wish; standing in someone’s line of sight at an event when everyone else is seated; arriving late and expecting some accommodation; talking loudly when others may not be interested in hearing; double parking to run a quick errand…
While I completely agree with you, there may be a reason they had to park where they did. I would have gone up to the workers and asked them point-blank why they have to block the sidewalk and endanger the kids. If they can’t give me a good reason, I would take photos and send them to the head of the city department they work for.
My wife is chronically late for everything. I have politely explained to her over and over that being late for a meeting or appointment is considered rude and inconsiderate, but it just doesn’t seem to register. I have finally concluded that she (and others like her) simply don’t care that they’re late, and thus simply don’t care that they’re being rude and inconsiderate in this manner. Perhaps it’s due to some sort of narcissism or a lack of empathy. I don’t know. I just know I’m the opposite; I hate being late and inconveniencing others.
I’m not sure your example of the work truck is a good one. It doesn’t seem like the workers parked there knowingly trying to inconvenience the school kids. Rather, they parked there thoughtlessly, and then didn’t bother to move the truck when the kids showed up. Being thoughtless is not intentional (I don’t think).
Anyway, I think an important aspect of this discussion is the relative inconvenience to you and others that your actions have. I mean, I generally try to be thoughtful of others and not inconvenience them in any way, but there are times I will when the inconvenience to me in not doing an action is significantly greater than the inconvenience to others from doing the action. The total net inconvenience equation is important.
As a pedestrian, I guess I’m a bit of a crank about parking over sidewalks. I can imagine doing so if there is not alternative parking, or really quickly, to load/unload, especially if there are no pedestrians present. But this was on a residential street with plenty of nearby available parking. Nothing was being loaded/unloaded. This looked to be the “boss’” truck. Other work vehicles were parked in the street. Workers stood near the truck as the kids walked past. If they did not see the kids when they parked, they sure did not rush to move the truck when they saw the kids.
If not intentional inconveniencing, it impresses me as - at least - an absence of consideration. Or thoughtlessness. Or thinking the rules apply to everyone other than them. In every place I have lived, it is illegal to park such that one blocks a sidewalk.
They moved the pickup after the kids were gone. Today is trash day. The parked the truck directly in front of the neighbors’ trash cans. The could have easily parked it 10’ further along the curb. So either the neighbors have to move their cans, or the garbage truck driver will have to get out of his truck - or skip the pickup.
Maybe a flipside is, how much will you inconvenience yourself, for the convenience of others? Like in a store. Do you keep yourself/your cart to one side, acknowledging that others are actually using the aisles? Or do you just feel you are entitled to the middle half of any aisle. If you are trying to make a decision or reading a label, do you look to see if you are in anyone else’s way or intentionally step to the side? Or do you just stand there in front of the shelf as long as you please?
I don’t like to inconvenience anyone. I am often willing to inconvenience myself a lot in order to not inconvenience other people. I’m a bit of a doormat.
I’m the case of parking in front of the garbage cans, I could totally see me doing that unwittingly. I have attention issues. I might see the garbage cans but not register their significance. Which of course I can’t control at all. The idea that everyone has equal capacity to pay attention to things like this is just not true. So I’d err on the side of considering the best of intentions.
It’s entirely possible the truck blocked the sidewalk without thinking about the potential consequences. Then once the kids started walking around the truck, obviously they couldn’t move it without endangering the children.
How much will I inconvenience others? I might double park or park across a driveway while remaining in my car to drop off or pick up someone or something.
I empahsized remaining in my car for a reason - because the people who inconvenience me the most frequently are parents dropping off or picking up the kids at the school down the block ( none of whom actually need to be driven to the school as there are three others within walking distance.) I understand it’s difficult to park within a block of the school but some of these people are incredibly inconsiderate and they know they are being inconsiderate. They just don’t careI’ve been in my car with the garage door open about to pull out - and someone blocks the driveway and refuses to move their car so I can get out. When they return, they invariably say “it was only five minutes” , Yeah, and if you had let me out, you could have parked there as soon as I left. One time, someone did that to me husband and he pulled out far enough that the other person couldn’t open their driver’s door - the driveway blocker still didn’t move right away. Another time, I was blocked by a double parked car- and when I went to ask the person sitting inside to move it- she said she didn’t know how to drive. Why would you leave a non-driver in the car instead of the driver? So that if a traffic agent walks by you won’t get a ticket , not to avoid inconveniencing people.
If there’s an animal (say, a turtle) in the road, I’ll stop the car and block traffic to remove the little demon (who will then turn tail and try to head back the way he came, the schmuck). I’ve never had anyone give me crap for doing so.
There’s a factor in the Big 5 personality inventory (which is derived from the 16PF) called Conscientiousness. Some people score very high on this measure, and others amazingly low.
This describes me pretty well, at least I think it does. I’m not sure where I get it from, but my mother was always very strong on following the rules, and being polite.
With parking as an example, I do volunteer work that requires me to drive to different addresses, park, unload some tools, and do tree care on young street trees (usually 15-20 minutes or so per tree). Finding a place for my (small) car to sit while I work, not so far that I have to carry tools any distance, is a challenge. I have two rules for myself: I will not block anyone else’s driveway (other than the address that has the tree) at all; and I will only double-park if it’s safe and the only option. When I park in a tree-owner’s driveway, I always try my best to leave room for pedestrians to walk by. If there is room, I would rather block such a driveway than park in it. Any sort of business or multiple-unit driveway I will not block or park in, even if it’s their tree I’m working on.
I am obsessive about not being late to anything. I have a friend with a much more casual attitude towards this, who always has an excuse (usually traffic) and doesn’t seem to have heard of the idea of allowing extra time to allow for traffic (as if every trip is going to be smooth sailing the whole way). But she is aware of it, and has actually been getting better.
That’s not inconveniencing myself though. People that leave their carts in the middle blocking others are clueless, but I don’t see how keeping it to the side is any inconvenience to myself.
I will never “knowingly” inconvenience others except perhaps in retaliation for same. I know that’s petty, but it’s probably the most effective way to change that behavior…or start a war.
Man - you are singing my song. Like I said - middle school a the end of my block. There is simply a 20 minute stretch in the morning and afternoon that my wife and I simply avoid driving in/out of our driveway. If I’m at work and can head home at 3:15, I simply wait 15 minutes so that I do not arrive at my street until after pickup.
The persons who are most inconvenienced are the younger parents on our block who often need to be driving THEIR kids to and fro right at that time.
Sure. Likely a blurry line between inconveniencing and cluelessness. Not sure IMHO reqlly requires that be hammered out. But I could argue that choosing to just do whatever you want without doing otherwise out of consideration that you might make things easier for others - could be viewed as a form of choosing not to inconvenience yourself. Even acknowledging that you share space with others might be viewed as an inconvenience.
If I’m sitting in a theater and feel the urge to fart. Do I just let it fly? Or do I hold it in/excuse myself? “Inconveniencing” oneself is in some ways a flipside of extending courtesy.
But again, not sure that needs to be hammered out for this discussion.
Please understand that I do not intend this as a personal attack. I realize that you have posted before about your and your family’s mental and emotional processing, but I forget your personal details. I’m just a bit challenged by the idea of complete inability to control/register the significance of blocking garbage cans which are clearly set out for collection. I imagine some people might experience such a profound inattention/executive functioning disorder, and you have my sympathy if you are such a person.
I think registering the significance of garbage cans is going to depend a lot on where you live and are used to. Although I have a garage, most people in my neighborhood park on the street. Which means the garbage cans are normally blocked by parked cars. And sanitation workers here must bring the cans to the truck so one drives and one mostly walks. It would never have occurred to me before today that parking next to trash cans would prevent pickup.
Then you should be grateful, I think. A lot of people miss things all the time. It’s just a fact of our lives. I once left an entire case of raw chicken in the foyer overnight. That was actually the incident that prompted me to get professional help. If you find it hard to believe, then please explain to me how I live in mortal terror of inconveniencing people but still manage to do it sometimes. You would think that if it were under my control, and I cared about it that much, it would never happen. But it does happen. I inconvenience people sometimes. Not on purpose but because my best effort isn’t always good enough.
I hate getting tailgated, so when I am in the fast lane I am regularly checking to make sure someone is not approaching going faster than me. I am all too eager to let them by at the first opportunity. And I don’t stay there any longer than I need. A friend of mine thinks he’s Mario Andretti, and every drive thru traffic is a race to him - if he passes someone, he MUST stay ahead of them - no other option. And he NEVER wants to be passed! Especially when he’s in the fast lane. Yes, I have to close my eyes sometimes.
Another friend is not punctual. At. All. So when he’s late for a meet-up, he just shrugs it off. We’ve gotten into the habit of telling him to arrive earlier than the rest of us, so he will be on time. He’s just like “yeah, you know me, lulz - oh well!” as if we just have to accept it if we want to include him.
When you say “on time” in that context, do you mean getting to the gate with enough time to sit for a few minutes and comfortably drink a cup of coffee, and maybe play a game on your phone, or sweating thru the security line and scrambling to the gate as they are boarding? Because while I have not traveled with him this way, I can see the latter being the norm.