In what unfortunate ways have your parents shown their distaste for your date/S0?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

When I was 15, a boy my father couldn’t stand telephoned, and my dad happened to answer the phone. He screamed at the kid “If you come anywhere near my daughter, your blood will be all over town!”

When I was 20 and dating a man we’ll call Ed, my mother told me “if you really loved me, you’d stop seeing Ed.”

After I’d been married for about 15 years to CairoSpouse, who ought to be any narrow-minded mother-in-law’s dream (multiple degrees from Ivy League schools, same racial/religious background as my family, treats me like a princess) my mother allowed as how although they’d never liked him much, it was good for me that we were married because he is so “stable.”

CairoSpouse and I couldn’t decided who should be more insulted by that last comment, him or me.

Your experiences?

2

My mom was unfailingly polite to my dates to their faces, although she would later let me know what she thought of them.

Mom met the future Mr. SCL. Mr SCL and I dated on and off for 11 years before we married. At one point during this time, I was dating a very tall, very handsome park ranger. Six foot four, blondish hair, ice blue eyes…just adorable. I took him home with me for my birthday dinner and called my mother the next day to hear what she thought. She summed it up very neatly in three words: “he’s not Mr. SCL”.

No one every compared to Mr. SCL.

What can I say? She was right. We’ve been married 18 years now.

3

When I was 16 a met a kid online and we did that “falling in love before meeting” thing. We met, turned out he was black (I am not). After a second of shock I was fine with it and we continued falling in love.

Turns out my parents were ve-e-e-ery not cool with him being black and I went from being their good little girl to them taking away my computer, my driving privileges and basically telling me that if I ever spoke to dude again I’d be kicked out of the house (at 16!).

I didn’t understand the whole thing when I was 16, and I pretty much still don’t understand it now. I snuck around with dude for a while but the pain of my parents “hating” me was too great and we broke it off.

He and I still talk, 12+ years later and he’s now happily married (to a white woman) and doing fine. It will always kill me what I had to “do” to him but luckilly we were both young enough to bounce back from it.

They haven’t really said anything negative about anyone I’ve dated since even though I’ve dated a psycho and a manipulative asshole (different guys). I guess the underlying rules around here are “as long as he’s not black and you’re not a lesbian, it’s ok.”

C’est la vie.

Although mom’s hackles did come up a bit when I casually mentioned my current dude is an Athiest. We’ll see how that plays out :slight_smile:

4

I used to be really shy, so I never dated when I lived at home, and even after I was out on my own, I didn’t have many relationships. So I guess it was a wee bit of a shock when I introduced my husband, who I’d married after dating for 4 weeks. First thing from my dad was “You’re not pregnant, are you?” (No, I wasn’t.)

It’s been 23+ years and my folks both became very fond of my sweetie. I think he really won over my mom with the lovely remarks he made at my dad’s wake. Sometimes I feel like she likes him better than me! :eek:

:smiley:

5

Pretty much by just ignoring her existence. When said disliked SO would be in my parents’ company, they would be polite and civil and conversational with her, but once SO had left or if they saw me without her, it would be as if she didn’t exist. They’d never ask about her or make any reference to having seen or spoken with her. If I mentioned her name or referred to her, their reaction would be like, “oh… her?” as if she was the last person they would have expected to hear me mention.

6

My cousin, who has her own house (“in life inheritance” from her mother, cousin has never lived elsewhere) and about as much intent to marry as to become Pope (for which you need to be a male) used to have a semi-live-in bf who was purdy but, imo, an idiot.

About half a year after breaking up with him, she agreed to go on a date with a guy she knew through work, let’s call him John. Grandma has spent several years referring to him as “that ugly thing, John.” I’ve never met him, but some recent pictures of my cousin included a guy who prompted me to ask “Mom, is this the oh-so-ugly-John?” “Yep” “Grandma’s taste must be in her ass lately, he ain’t no CK model but he isn’t ugly! Nice body, too” “Well, you know how it is, she liked the other one” “:rolleyes:”

The mother of one of my exes ignored me pointedly after I refused to “accept” that being a Catholic makes me “not a Christian.” Her husband liked it, though.

7

My parents killed my prom date, chopped her into tiny pieces and rototilled her remains into the vegetable garden. To this day, I won’t touch the cucumbers.

The tomatoes taste OK, though.

8

My dad was quite the opposite. He just wanted everyone to get married as soon as possible. With me, he liked a married guy of a different race and a much older drunk who still lived with his mom. With my twin, he liked her boyfriend even after he gave her a slap (they’re married nearly 25 years and he’s never hit her again and is really a great husband and father - to his credit, she can be a little infuriating) and for my brother, he got mad when said brother didn’t get down to Texas fast enough to meet some online girl who then married someone else (fast enough = two, three weeks). For my younger half sister, he had nothing bad to say about the guy who stole her car, constantly called her fat, gave her herpes, punch a hole in the wall, cheated on her and ruined her credit.

Better he should have been more picky.

9

[QUOTE=Caricci]
My dad was quite the opposite.
[/QUOTE]

My parents aren’t that extreme, but they pretty much like every woman that I date. When my last GF and I broke up, no one was more upset about it than my father.

10

My parents decided that they did not like my choice for a wife (we have been married for 21 years so this has been going on a very LONG time). They showed their disapproval by befriending my former girlfriend, who they previously disliked, and involving her in their lives. This is (one small) part of the reason they are not involved in my life any more.

11

ASAKMOTSD, that is seriously fucked up.

12

Heh heh. Those last few posts remind me of something related. Once when I was home on a visit, my mother tried to set me up with the son of one of her friends.

Unfortunately, I was married to CairoSpouse at the time.

Had I actually fallen madly for her friend’s son, divorced CairoSpouse and run off with him, I suppose she’d have found something wrong with him. Maybe that he was a homewrecker, or something?

13

To be fair to my parents, they would strongly dislike anyone I was with simply because they happen to share my gender. It isn’t necessarily personal to the specific guy.

That being said though, here are some of the different things that have happened…

  1. I was specifically told that I was not to bring him as my guest to my brothers wedding.
  2. He was not invited to my parents home at the holidays, if I came I was to come alone.
  3. My mother has told me that if he ever comes up in conversation with her friends, he is only refered to as my friend. She made it a point to let me know that she would never tell her friends about our actual relationship.
  4. After we had been together for about 3 years they consented to meet us for lunch. (without my younger siblings of course) My mother spent most of the meal trying to convince my SO that it was just a phase, what if he wasn’t really gay? How did he know he would still think he was in 10 years? etc. It was a painful lunch.

Those are a few I can think of offhand. Things have gotten a little better as our 6 year anniversary approaches next month. My mom has started asking how he is when we talk and is generally becoming a little more accepting of our lives.

14

When my husband and I were first dating, my mother would slam the door in his face when he knocked and asked for me. Even after we married, she hated him for the first ten years. It made things very difficult for me.

15

A year and a half ago, my parents thought my then-girlfriend was a man!

Just because it was an internet-based long-distance relationship is no excuse :stuck_out_tongue: Long story short, we met in Florida and had a wonderful time, followed by time together in Japan :smiley:

16

Parental unit checking in here:

Singirl dated a guy in high school and college. He totally creeped Mrsin and I out. We are all active people and go on active vacations, he couldn’t keep up with old lady me walking to the supermarket. :smack: We never said anything. Singirl met him in Paris, on her way to Madrid for a semester abroad. He broke up with her on New Year’s Eve in fucking PARIS!!! :frowning: Sooooo many long distance sobbing calls, while Mrsin and I feel for her but are secretly rejoicing that asshole boyfriend is out of the picture. The next year they’re both back in the States going to the same school and he wants to get back together (his Paris chick is long gone). Sonofabitch stalked her at school. ARRRRGHHHH. But all’s well that ends well. She married the nicest guy in the world. She and we love him to death. :cool:

Sinboy’s crazy girlfriend: She comes to see me at my U office and tells me how she wants Sinboy to grow up and start dressing like an adult. Huh? She says she asked him what his favorite color was for dress shirts. He replied, “Red with purple parrots.” She indicated that she thought it was time he stopped dressing in khaki pants and Hawaiian shirts. I looked down and confirmed that I was wearing my typical work attire: Hawaiian shirt/khaki pants. :dubious:

17

On a more silly note, when my father met my current boyfriend for the first time, Dad noticed boyfriend’s hat hanging on the coat stand. Just a simple black fedora, maybe a little bit of an unconventional choice but it was winter, after all. I figured Dad might even dig the hat-wearing, since he’s a hat guy himself.

Dad picks up the hat to examine it and cheerfully inquires “Is this some sort of Jewish thing?”

“Umm, I guess it is when I wear it perhaps…” :confused:

Awkward silence ensued.

18

[QUOTE=McNew]
Pretty much by just ignoring her existence. When said disliked SO would be in my parents’ company, they would be polite and civil and conversational with her, but once SO had left or if they saw me without her, it would be as if she didn’t exist. They’d never ask about her or make any reference to having seen or spoken with her. If I mentioned her name or referred to her, their reaction would be like, “oh… her?” as if she was the last person they would have expected to hear me mention.
[/QUOTE]
This was the same way my parents were to my ex (whom I’ll call Liz). Polite and civil to the point of being coldly so, but outside of her presence, acting completely unaware that she even existed.

This made things difficult for family gatherings. We have some cousins who didn’t know that adults get their own party invitations, and addressed an invitation for one such gathering to my mother, my father, my sister, and myself; even though I was an adult and not living at home. I called to see if it was okay to bring Liz, and the host assured me that yes, of course it was, and apologized for not including Liz on the invitation.

Mistake number 1: Telling my mother that Liz were looking forward to the function. This resulted in an hour-long lecture on how Liz, not being named on the invitation, was not to attend this function.

Mistake number 2: Telling my mother that I had cleared if with the host. “Well of course she said yes, Spoons; you had her in a corner. You will not bring that girl to something she was not invited to.”

Mistake number 3: Telling my mother that if Liz didn’t go, then I didn’t either. “Fine, and you’re out of the family if you don’t show. Have a nice life.”

Sweet revenge: At the function, which I reluctantly attended without Liz, having the host ask my mother, “Where’s Liz? I meant to include her on the invitation and I was looking forward to seeing her with Spoons.” It was one of the few times in her life that my mother was speechless.

Liz and I broke up eventually. There were many reasons, but my family’s treatment of her was definitely one of them.

19

Well … my dad’s main concern was that I be married before I knocked anybody up (when I announced at age 16 that I intended to name my first son after my grandfather - my dad’s dad - he quite seriously informed me that I’d better make sure I was married to the mother because he wasn’t " … having no bastard named after my father" :rolleyes: ) Still, he seemed to like just about any girlfriend I had (few as they were).

My mom, on the other hand … she’s never treated any of my dates or girlfriends poorly. She simply says “I don’t think she’s the one for you” about each and every female I’ve ever dated, or simply expressed an interest in. Well gee, Mom, I turn 41 in a couple weeks and I’m still single! I hope I find that “right one for me” pretty soon, so that you’ll be happy! :dubious: Truth is, I don’t really care a whole lot whether or not I ever get married. If it happens, it happens, and I’ll be the one to decide if she’s the “right one for me”. You’re not the one marrying her, Mom!

20

Ah! I love it when justice is served.