Personally I’ve never before been inspired to write an epic poem about, basically, accountng. It was inspired by this Washington Post Editorial supporting the city’s Chief Financial Officer for insisting on following all the legal requirements for the baseball stadium deal.
So here it is:
Gandhi at the Bat*
The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the DC Council meeting,
They couldn’t even call a vote, each member loudly bleating.
Linda Cropp then nodded off, and Barry did the same,
And the press opined once more anew, “It’s still the same old game.”
The audience got up and left, awash in deep despair.
There’d be no baseball in DC, or nearby anywhere.
A few bold souls cried out, their voices litter in the breeze,
“If you screw up DC baseball, you’ll be eatin’ gubmint cheese.”
The Council met again and failed to even gain a quorum.
For getting real business done it was a lousy forum.
The stench of failure wafted down the city building’s halls.
The council has two outs, two strikes, but not a single ball.
And then a loud roar sounded from the bowels of Accounting.
The CFO became alarmed and his rage began amounting.
“The Council hasn’t voted, still, to finalize the deal?
Jerry’s Kids would ger more done, I really truly feel!”
The CFO was hardly known beyond his office light.
He counted revenues by day – expenses over night.
He read the contracts to protect the city from a suit,
but couldn’t stop a politician trying to be cute.
“I’ll make them see”, he swore aloud, “I’ll make them do their part,
I’ll tell them what they should have known without a reading chart.”
And so the CFO began to organize for war,
And so he started, then and there, to batter at their door.
“They call me Natwar Gandhi, fools, do not foget the name,
For soon enough you’ll realize the price of playing games,
You’ll rue the day you hired me to keep track of your money,
There are rules, you know, and breaking them, to me, just isn’t funny.”
The city rose as one to cheer – the truthiness was real.
“He is Gandhi, Mighty Gandhi, and his voice is that of steel!
He’ll set things straight, he’ll make things right for Baseball in this town,
The City Council can’t ignore the truth he’s laying down.”
The council met again one night and Gandhi came to speak,
He told them one more time to act, his voice anything but meek.
“You must vote the deal up or down, in every small detail,
Or face the next election with the story of how you failed.”
The Council members pledged, AGAIN, to do some real work,
They like their jobs and pay and staff, and all their other perks.
“You woke us all”, said one old pro, “Thank’s for your honest talk.”
But in truth all that Gandhi got was an intentional walk.
Oh somewhere in the District lives an honest politician,
And somewhere else a city worker with a sense of mission.
If they ever get together they’ll be fearsome have no doubt,
But as it ended, Gandhi may have just as well struck out.
- with apologies to E. L. Thayer