In which I pit AOL, HP, Roxio, McAfee, and Microsoft (finally) - mild

A couple of weeks ago, my computer went completely mental (as mentioned in a couple of threads (not needed for this story, really)).

I had been in email communication with HP on several occasions (trying to restore the sound in the computer). They gave me what was essentially the advice (“remove” the sound device and let the computer “find” it again and/or replace the drivers). I had already done this (and told them so), but I played along and followed the instructions. Not only did it not work the first time, the next five times were just as unsucessful. Their last option was a “non-destructive” restoration (reloads the software, but does not re-format). They said that this may or may not erase or damage programs I had added since day one. I really dreaded this because I know there are a couple of programs that I don’t have the installation discs for.

Anyways, last Friday I am unable to connect to the net through my cable modem. I called Comcast and the tech was unable to help over the phone. On Saturday, the tech comes out and, after switching the network card and doing a few other things, says, “I’ve got some bad news for you. You’re gonna have to re-install the OS. It’s refusing to recognize the network connection.”

I told him about the other problems I had and that I knew that this was likely the only way to fix it.

I bought a second hard drive (which I was going to do anyway) and copied all the “new” programs to it (ultimately not necessary). I used the restore discs and got everything fixed. I did lose a couple of programs (I didn’t use them much anyway, no loss) and to re-install the rest again.

When I tried to re-install Roxio CD Creator 5, it wouldn’t work because it saw the original version. I couldn’t unistall it because it wasn’t “installed” but it was there anyway. After an hour or so, I was able to get all of it out by stripping it out of the registry.

Same for McAfee Virus Scan 7 (yeah, a lot of people hate McAfee, but it does a good enough job for me, except when trying to re-install). I had to do some research (Google is my friend :)) and had to strip the registry again. Got it re-installed and working.

Now AOL. I don’t use it since I got the cable modem, but my daughter insists on paying for it (can’t convince her otherwise), so I’ve kept it on the computer. I’d been using 8.0, but it got all wacky so I’d grabbed a 9.0 disc while I was buying the hard drive (120 Gb - woo-hoo!) and figured I’d get up-to-date. First attempt locked up the computer. Second attempt got as far as the modem selection and stopped. It couldn’t find my modem. I call customer support. The number for which is ON THE FUCKING DISC instead of the package. Real brainiacs at work.

The first fucking idiot spend ten minuted trying to convince me to spend MORE money for extra stuff I don’t need or want. She just can’t understand why I don’t want their new new firewall (I use Zone Alarm Pro, thank you very much) or anti-virus software (I have McAfee 7.0, thank you very much). She then suggests I use their Bring Your Own Access Plan. She described it as “unlimited” with 15 hours per month. I am confused. Apparently the unlimited portion is for the cable modem only. If the cable is out, I get 15 hours per month with any extra costing $2.50 (or something) per hour. I said, “Then it’s not really unlimited then, is it?”.

She babbled something so I insisted on a technician (which is what I thought I was getting in the first place).

The technician (whose accent was so strong, I could barely understand him) could not tell how to make AOL “find” my modem so he told me to choose one of the generic modems and “it will work perfectly”. Not only did it not work, it, too, locked up the computer. So I erased both versions of AOL from my computer and stripped it out of the registry (does AOL REALLY need over a hundred fucking registry keys?)

So now things are well and good and the computer is behaving itself again, sound and all.

In conclusion:

AOL: Your time has come and gone. You can go home now. Your software sucks (unistall means the registry, too, fuckface) and your technical “support” suck monkey nuts.

HP: This is my LAST HP product. YOUR support also sucks. Ditch the software based “agents” and hire some humans.

McAfee: I like your software, but, again, uninstall means clearing youself completely out of the registry. It shouldn’t take 20 minutes to remove all those keys.

Roxio: See McAfee.

Microsoft: Windows Me I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. You bastardized Win98 and mutated it into a horrendous nightmare.

In defense of my self from flamers: I KNOW there are better options to the above, but when they are working, they do exactly what I want them to do. It’s just in the rare case when I have to re-install that I have problems.

But the whole point of having better options is that you don’t have problems when you re-install, or upgrade, or whatever. I upgraded my OS the other night, and aside from copying a scanner driver from the old OS install to the new one, I had no hassles at all.

My biggest bitch is that a program should uninstall itself COMPLETELY from my computer when I order it to do so. If a program can write to the registry, then it should be able to remove itself as well.

Unless a programmer can convince otherwise that it can’t be done.

As someone who builds install packages as part of my job, I can most certainly say that it is quite EASY to have an uninstall package remove any added keys from the registry. It is however tedious (you have to redo all the work you may have done getting the keys added to the package in the first place), and it can sometimes (rarely) break other programs (especially if you make a mistake and pull key 3F65sX…0927 instead of 3F65sX…0937 or something like it). Most times though, it all boils down to the assumption that you will want to re-install the program, and that it’s unnecessary to remove them accordingly (they sometimes forget that the uninstall package can break and that you won’t be able to reinstall it without removing everything).

It makes an ass out of u and mption but that’s the logic I was handed by a coworker.

Besides half that work is done by (highly intelligent and well-educated) developers in India making $6 an hour (or much less), so you can’t always expect too much.