In which matt goes after nuns. Yes, NUNS.

The BBQ Pit
1

Well, specifically the nuns who were standing in the metro today in such a way as to block off a huge open space and squish hordes of people into a tiny vestibule.

What the hell is your problem?! Can’t you pay attention to what’s around you and move your holy asses when there are huge crushes of people trying to get in the damn train?! I know you weren’t afraid of being trapped, since you were still on the train when it emptied three stations later. Voilà, you could have perfectly well moved to the centre of the train and let people into that huge space you were blocking off, and I for one wouldn’t have been squished into the door, having to get off and back on at every station to try and let a few more people through.

If you had been any closer to me, you would have had to endure - well, if not a burst of invective, at least an impatient but polite request in my imperfect Spanish. As it is, MOVE IT. Thank you.

2

Maybe Sister Mary Impedimenta and company were protecting the novice travelling with them from the ravening hordes of urban barbarians that are supposed to have their own primitive society in the abandoned tunnels of the Metro?

Or am I just reading too many post-apocalyptic science fiction novels? :smiley:

Either way, as Sister Mary Annette’s song goes in Nunsense:

The habit is a symbol
with the whimple you learn
you get instant respect
which you don’t have to earn!
You can cut in front of line
without waiting your turn!
Virtues like patience
are not our concern!

jayjay

3

Thank you!

4

matt, I wouldn’t mess with the nuns, if I were you. Those sisters can be tough old bats!!!

:wink:

5

That’s the truth!

Some nun-fighting tips:

Keep an eye on the sleeves…they always have something tucked up there…a ruler, a clicker, a germy tissue…

Watch the ring. Those things aren’t just symbols of their commitment to God…they HURT!

They know fourteen ways to kill a man with their crucifix and its chain. Don’t let them get that thing around your throat!

Chalk. It will be used as a projectile.

Don’t let them call in reinforcements, spiritual or temporal. You’ll be swarmed under in moments.

They’re repelled by chewing gum, untucked shirttails, unkempt hair, poor spelling and unlaced shoes.

Hope this helps.

jayjay (13 years of Catholic school…)

6

Feh. Just put on an altar boy uniform and they’ll start weeping…

[sub]Was that a wee bit over the top?[/sub]

7

So “going after them” doesn’t mean that you’re trying to get a date with one?

Good, I got a little confused when I read the thread title…

8

Amusing anecdote: Once a friend and I were hanging out in New Hope, PA and were trying to see some interesting objets d’art on a bottom shelf. But the way was blocked by a woman bending over in tacky lawn ornament fashion. Totally oblivious to the cramped store and crush of human bodies on all sides of her, she continued to peruse at her leisure while my friend repeatedly asked her to please step aside so she and the 500 other people might pass by. Her requests went unheeded several times, and the heat and crowds finally flipped my good friend’s social politeness switch to the ‘off’ position. She reacted by louding asking the bending woman to, and I quote, “Get your ghetto-ass booty out the way!” Shocked, the woman stood and turned to face us. On her head, a wimple. On her lapel, a pin denoting her religious order. Christ on a hot-cross bun, she’d sassed a nun. The horrified sister quickly existed the store to sound of barely suppressed laughter. True story.

So yeah, nuns are obstacles. But they make great fetish gear. :wink:

9

So, the 7 dwarves are visiting in town, been there a few days, when they come across a nun and are having a pleasant enough chat.

But Dopey seems perplexed and uncertain. Clearly, he wants to ask the Sister a question, but is reluctant. Under the kindly prodding of the Sister, he comes forth.

“Sister, do you know that nun in your convent that’s, uh, a midget?”

She is taken aback, and assures Dopey that there are no midget nuns in her convent.

“Well, how about a short nun, say about 3 and half, four feet tall…”

The good sister assures Dopey that there is not such an unnaturally short nun in the convent, none whatsoever (snicker)

Dopey agonizes for a moment, obviously very distressed.

“Well, are you sure, Sister? There isn’t, like, a really short nun…”

Suddenly, Doc falls to ground, laughing hysterically and pointing hs finger at Dopey.

“Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin!”

10

snort

LOL!

:smiley:

penguin…damn, that’s funny!

11

When I was in fourth grade, we had this nun, Sr. Mary. She was so freaking cool-although we thought she was too mean then-she would have been GREAT with rowdy high school kids.

She would tell us what sex was, when we came across an article about AIDS. She said the word penis, and of course, being a bunch of nine year olds, we started giggling. Her response was, “What? It’s just a word.”

She treated us like adults. That was cool. Sex wasn’t dirty. AIDS wasn’t something people got because they were sinners.

12

I thought it was okay to date nuns occasionally anyway…as long as you don’t get into the habit. :smiley:

13

…

I’m going to hell for that, aren’t I?

14

You weren’t already?

15

If God did not intend for us to make fun of nuns, how come he makes 'em dress so damn silly!

16

I think the Church should have bought a giant SUV for the nuns to travel in - a Ford Apatasaur 350, or perhaps a Dodge Phallus or a Chrysler Turgid. Then they wouldn’t be clogging up the Metro anymore…

17

…so the nun says, “That’s OK, my name’s really Robert and I’m on my way to a costume party.”

I actually just like to say nun. Nun nun nun nun nun.

18

…and Mother Superior snorted. “Baloney! He told me it was Gabriel’s Horn and I’ve been blowing it for years!”

19

“Stand back, girls, I’ve got to gargle!”

20

“Excuse me St. Peter…but may I gargle before Sister Ophelia washes her ass?”