You might consider throwing in a performance bond as well.
Are you self-insuring?
The next time he wants to get toys out are you going to make him file a Environmental Impact Statement?
As a Certified Lead Auditor (Exemplar Global) for ISO9001 I have to heartily disagree.
TSA was a horrible idea to begin with.
Seriously, though, whomever was in charge of implementing your quality system did you a disservice.
Your example of signing a statement that says you’ve received the proper training to do your job is perfect. As an auditor, that written statement is meaningless to me, but it does create an audit trail for me to loop back to your supervisor with quite a few questions about exactly what that statement means, whether you’ve received any other training since signing the statement, etc.
Just because some people think ISO9001 means you have to have 75,000 documents doesn’t make it true. In fact, there only six procedures that you’re required to have documented.
I am overwhelmed by all the helpful suggestions. :eek:
In true middle management style, I will prepare a compendium of all of the apparent deficiencies in our processes, and pass it up the chain for an overall policy directlve. 
[QUOTE=suranyi]
How old is Piper Cub? Because he sounds a lot like my own five year old.
[/QUOTE]
Six and a half.
Well, there’s your problem - the cub is clearly being held back doing menial labor - you need to provide a mentee for cub to train so that cub can move on up the ladder.
Jeez, I forgot sign in/sign out documents, one for each toy!
No. Sorry, but that is wrong; that is what comes out of having had an ISO implementation/auditor of the kind who does not understand the norm they’re applying - and that’s for any ISO we’re talking about, not just 9000/12000.
Allow me to explain ISO 9000 to you:
- document what you do, how you do it. Not how it should be done in a perfect world, not how it would be done in a company with different people, not following the examples in the manual as if every company was identical to the examples.
- then do it the way you have documented it.
TADAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Toy Retreival and Storage Systems Documentation
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Toss toys on floor while playing;
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Wait until mom & dad complain about toys on floor, and demand initiation of toy retrieval and storage procedures;
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Start to pick up toys, grudgingly;
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Get distracted playing with toys;
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Mom and dad lose patience, pick up toys themselves;
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Toy retrieval and storage complete.
It also has an acronym, as all military things must:
S- Situation
M- Mission
E- Execution
S- Service and Support
C- Command and Signals
At least in the Canadian military.
That would certainly be the usual procedure in many families. But what you sometimes see in the documents is:
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Fill play-tool retrieval form (see appendix A). [Long-text explanation of every Ogette-damned field in the Og-damned form, followed by a table where each line contains: field name, field description, instructions, Required/Optional/To be filled by manager, and three other things nobody gives a shit about]
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Deliver play-tool retrieval form to manager.
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Manager approves play-tool retrieval form. [No mention of what happens in case of rejection]
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Deliver play-tool retrieval form to play-space manager.
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Play-space manager provides play-tools listed in form.
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Proceed with entertainment activity.
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At end of entertainment activity, child shall retrieve each individual play-tool and deposit said tool in its storage space (see Appendix B for list of assigned storage spaces).
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After retrieval is complete, play-space manager shall verify the state of each individual play-tool and its correct placement.
And for anybody who can actually believe that, I’ve got some primo real estate, very close to the beach.
Looks like you’ve got 15 reports for failures to properly store all play-tools. What’s your corrective action?
“Retrain on the procedure”
:smack:
ISO Auditor humor! Only on the Dope!
SMESC? Isn’t that a terrorist spy organization?
Two biggest lies ever told:
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Corporate manager says “Hi, we’re from corporate and we’re here to help.”
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Division manager replies “We’re glad you’re here.”
- Outside Consultant: “We will simplify your problem”.
It’s SMERSH, and it was the Soviet counter-intelligence department during WW2. It literally means Death to Spies, which leaves very little ambiguity about their attitude to spying.
By other countries…
Well, obviously. It wouldn’t be very clever to have the counter-intelligence department target your own spies, now would it?
Psst! Piper Cub, may I suggest you get in contact with Mr. Harvey Richards? You’ll thank me later.