Some of you might find the term “fundie” offensive. To all offended: blow me.
So when I got back to my dorm today, there was something sitting on my refrigerator. It was dark, and when my eyes adjusted I saw… a batch of cookies! A nice little assortment, a sampler platter if you will; with oatmeal raisin, chocolate chip, double chocolate, and some others yet to be determined. It bore a sticker reading “Happy Holidays! From The Gunfighter Families.” Well, that was nice! I remember it happened last year, too, but I had just forgotten with all the other crap that’s happened since then. That gave me what amounts to a warm fuzzy.
That’s when I noticed the CD. Huh, I think, they’re going all out this year. What could it be?
The CD was titled The Real Deal, and the artist was apparently some guy named Dave Roever. Hm. Country music, perhaps? The cover art featured a set of desert camo gear, a guy with an, ahem, unusual profile, and a shadowy picture of a helmeted soldier. I don’t know what to make of this. Perhaps the back shall give a little more information. The back of the CD read:
It was once said, “The only thing needed to allow evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing.” Mm-hmm…
Far too many people in our world today would chose*(sic)*** the path of least resistance, ultimately plunging humanity into the abyss of moral depravity and destruction. September 11, 2001 will remain a turning point of decision for years to come.**
Crap. Where did I hear that before? Was it Pat Robertson, Pat Buchanan or Jerry Fartwell? Or all three of them?
I’m going to skip a couple of lines of this. You’re not missing much.
It is this resolve that calls our sons and daughters to be willing to pay the ultimate price of sacrifice to preserve civilization and human decency; that we may live in the moral refuge we call freedom.
Moral refuge? What the fuck, sir?
It is to you, the best and bravest serving in the United States Armed Forces and those who are willing to stand and fight along side*(sic)*** you that I dedicate this CD.** Thanks, but no thanks.
From the battle fields of by-gone times to the jungles of Vietnam and now the deserts of Arabia and conflicts yet unknown, there remains a continuous strand of dedication to the call of freedom, life and liberty. On behalf of many grateful citizens and patriots, thank you for your commitment to truth and justice; thank you for your service.
I don’t know what to say.
Apparently, this CD was made possible by the Roever Evangelistc Association. Oh, and he has a website! I point Firefox to www.daveroever.org. (According to the About Us section, he was burned by a phosphorous grenade; so I will not comment on his appearance.) The mission statement is a little scary, but overall he doesn’t seem all that bad.
Then again, I haven’t listened to the CD yet. Not sure that I will.
I would have put this in the Pit, but the cookies are delicious.
