In which you tell your fellow Dopers five things they'd never have guessed about you.

True things, dammit. I’ll start:

  1. I’ve never seen “Stripes” or “Caddyshack” all the way through.
  2. I’ve been completely drunk only twice in my life.
  3. My older sister and I fought all the time as children; the day I got a lock on my bedroom door was one of the finest of my young life.
  4. I hate, hate, hate Barney the uber-annoying kiddie dinosaur.
  5. Cheetahs and bald eagles are my favorite animals.

Your turn.

Ok!

  1. I’m staggeringly bad at simple math. I need a calculator to do multiplication beyond the 2X table. I can do algebra well, though. :confused:

  2. I played keep-away with a bull calf once. They play rough.

  3. For some reason, various people have found it absolutely unbelieveable that I have never owned, nor used, a poster tube in my life.

  4. Up until I was about 20, I seriously thought that Elton John was singing, “Hold me closer, Tony Danza”. I don’t think I’ll ever live that one down.

  5. I can play the didgeridoo.

  1. I hate doing yardwork (even our tiny lawn) but I like doing laundry :o (don’t laugh, goddamnit! :mad: )
  2. Most of the muscles on the left side of my body are slightly larger than the muscles on the right side (except for my triceps) :confused:
  3. I don’t watch much TV (sometimes: Olbermann, Stewart, Colbert)
  4. I used to love going to bookstores, then I decided, hey, I pay taxes for a reason. Now, I love going to the library.
  5. I keep meaning to learn Italian, but haven’t gotten to it yet. Sigh :frowning:
  1. I am afraid of Groundhogs.
  2. I start breathing thru my mouth immediately upon entering any washroom.
  3. I have only started growing chest hair at age 25.
  4. Strangely enough, though I was born and raised in Canada, I own land in Oklahoma (kinda, it will be mine, eventually)
  5. I want to travel to Noyaya Zemlya.

1.I am totally terrified of the dark
2. I read tabloids, I can’t help it.
3. Until I got married I always had dogs, two Aussies shared my (twin) bed as a kid.
4. I don’t like expensive jewlery and I only wear very silver/white gold.
5. I am allergic to shellfish

  1. I am a great cook…and can make anything if I can look at a recipe.
  2. I make my own granola.
  3. I am a real health food nut…I am a vegetarian and I eat virtually no processed or fast food.
  4. I now am a dog owner…in March I acquired Daisy, a lab-greyhound mix.
  5. I am an advanced yoga student and take 5-7 classes per week.

Amazon Floozy Goddess, I’m the opposite with the Tony Danza thing. I never even thought of it until someone was singing along with the jukebox last Friday.

1.) I was pursued by a Cobra.
2.) I stole a small bottle of whiskey from Robyn Hitchcock.
3.) I cannot stand the sight of wet newspaper.
4.) I read the entire Story of Civilization by Will and Areil Durant.
5.) I hate traveling.

Looking for Byzanium?

  1. I’m not always an argumentative jerk
  2. Even though (or maybe “because”) I love good beer, I don’t drink
  3. More than 14 years later, I still feel guilty that a wolf that attacked me had to be put down
  4. I’m an ordained minister and have performed weddings
  5. Most people think I’m a Republican, or at least conservative, and for some reason I enjoy encouraging this belief (this in direct contrast to statement #1)
  1. I almost always have a piece of string in my pocket, tied up in lots of little knots because I’m unusually fond of the feel of the knots under my fingers and I like to run the string through my hands several times an hour.

  2. I have never seen more than a few minutes of ‘The Sound of Music’, ‘Pulp Fiction’ or ‘Blade Runner’ and I don’t plan on fixing that anytime soon.

  3. I will not tolerate having brand labels visible in my house if I can avoid it. If I can’t remove something’s label I transfer the contents to a different container. My everyday life is not advertising space.

  4. I love computers. I love Macs AND PCs. Both have their advantages and I have two of each.

  5. I don’t really like sunny weather.

  1. I’m really very shy.
  2. I like garbanzo beans.
  3. I really love this website.
  4. I’m pretty content with life right now.
  5. I can’t sing at all.

Jeez, I think I’ve been pretty open…not much to hide.

  1. I’m a teetotaler.
  2. I have never voted Republican.
  3. I have a pretty sentimental side…I might even go so far as to call myself a hopeless romantic.
  4. I have a jawless, drooling, geriatric poodle sleeping comfortably in my lap as I type.
  5. I have wept over the fates of fictional characters, on occasion. Few, if any, of them live action.
  1. I have a very deep voice with no trace of a southern accent (except when I want to).

  2. I can castrate a pig.

  3. Tennessee Ernie Ford, Marty Robbins, Willie Nelson, Loreena McKennitt, Sufjan Stevens and Boy George are all among my favorite singers (and while I love musicals I genuinely loathe Barbra Streisand and Judy Garland).

  4. My legs are slightly different lengths causing me to have a very ‘distinctive’ gait.

  5. I love guns.

  1. I catch the flu if I watch a musical. True, I have seen the sound of music twice and had a 104 fever by the end each time and have never seen the end of the wizard of OZ, I am sick in bed by the time the monkeys start flying around.
  2. I built an apple cannon when I was 15 out of an old hot water tank, a 2 inch valve, some pipe and an air compressor, it could shoot them over a quarter mile.
  3. I raised angel fish and kept bees all through high school
  4. I had 23 cars at one time when I was 18 and have owned over 300 in my life, I only have 3 or 4 now depending how you count. While commuting to the university, there was a parking attendant with a perfect memory, he knew everyone’s names and all their classes after a week into the quarter. Just to throw him off, I drove a different car every day for a month.
  5. I built a 30 foot lighted pink flamingo on my shop roof that is visible from the interstate.
  1. I don’t like The Lord of the Rings. At all. Books and films. I love all of Tolkien’s other stuff, oddly.

  2. My first ever crush was on Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre. Fictional crushes are totally healthy-- right? RIGHT?

  3. I’m Lactose Intolerant, however I still drink milk every now and again with devastating results.

  4. I can play Greensleeves and Moonlight Sonata on the piano, but not Chopsticks.

  5. I once found a used condom in a book.

I daresay they are. I daresay the same of dislking LOTR.

  1. Upon first meeting me, nearly everyone I encounter seems to decide that I’m either A) a fundamentalist Christian or B) unstable and potentially dangerous. I have no Earthly notion why – I’m a “hardline” agnostic who doesn’t discuss religion unless someone else brings it up, and the only time in my life I’ve ever hurt another person was when that person stuck a razor blade in my face – nor do I know what common quality these two traits share that I apparently exhibit. Nonetheless, there you have it.

  2. My degree, should I ever get around to finishing the three semesters I still need for it, will be a double-major in Computer Science and Philosophy.

  3. I hate the Beatles. (Longtime posters may remember this.)

  4. I can switch my accent from North Country to Deep South to “normal” at will. I learned to do this to avoid the ubiquitous “Oh, you’re from the [north/south]!” I used to get whenever I traveled.

  5. I know kung fu.

And a bonus:

  1. Number 5 is a lie. I don’t know kung fu.
  1. I suffer from mild rhotacism.

  2. I was the assistant coach of my highschool cheerleading squad. Shut. Up.

  3. Though I’m not given to hating much of anyone or anything, I have but one irrational prejudice: Jerry Garcia. Say his name near me in person and you’ll get an evil, evil eye.

  4. I used to stammer as a child, though now I rarely do. However, if badly frightened, I will stammer uncontrollably. This had a friend of mine in stitches when, as we were out for a midnight walk in the middle of nowhere, we heard coyotes howling in the not-so-distant fields. She asked if I wanted to head in.
    “Y-y-y-y-yessss, p-p-p-p-p-l-e-hease l-l-l-let-t-t’ss g-g-g-g-g-g…”
    “Let’s go, Porky Pig!”

  5. I love peaches. Fresh peaches, canned peaches, peach-flavoured anything, and especially anything that smells like a real peach. I moisturise with that Kiss My Face peach-scented stuff, and depsite owning many bottles of desginer perfumes (I won them all), prefer the Body Shop’s Fuzzy Peach perfume. Peaches! Yum! Mmmm!

I can’t really think of much that someone familiar with my posting history would be surprised by. But I’ll try.

  1. I’m really every bit as obnoxious and argumentative in real life as here.

  2. I love My Best Friend’s Wedding.

  3. I have watched the 1998 Academy Awards broadcast at least ten times. Probably fifteen.

  4. I was once attacked by a badger.

  5. If I eat more than a piddling amount of mushrooms, I’ll be in the emergency room within 24 hours. Well, this one can actually be deduced from my posts by someone with medical knowledge, but I couldn’t think of a fifth one so it’ll have to do.

  1. Me too.
  2. I once won some cash on a TV quiz show.
  3. I’m in my fourth incarnation on this message board.
  4. My favourite sounds are birdsong and Led Zeppelin but not at the same time.
  5. I own 37 T-shirts.

Can’t you use a Poster Tube as a Digeridoo? Or vice versa?

There are plenty of odd things about me. But I’ve already blabbed about them on this Board, s people could now easily guess them…