You know how downhill ski boots have two ways of opening? Some open with the front panel (supporting your shin) folds down toward the toe. The others open with the back panel (supporting your calf) fold down toward the heel. My friends and I were strapping into our skis and the conversation turned to which style of boot we each liked best. I came out with:
“I prefer rear-entry for easy access.”
Didn’t live that one down for months.
This isn’t one that I said, but it was said to me.
I was backstage one day at “Phantom of the Opera” talking with the lead actor who played the Phantom about things that had gone wrong during that night’s performance. During one scene in the show he is supposed to play the organ (he actually just mimes hitting the keys as the organ music is piped in from elsewhere.) Only this night he didn’t quite make it to his spot in time so the music started a little before his hands hit the keys.
After the show he says to me, “Yeah, the Phantom’s organ went off a bit early.”
I still don’t think he had any clue what he said, but I could hardly keep a straight face.
This one is courtesy of my mom:
She was out running errands in the suburbs, and her car battery died after closing time in some Godforsaken strip mall. This was pre-cell phones, and there was no pay phone to be seen, so she waited until the next car drove into the parking lot. It was inhabited by a couple of hot, 20-something guys. She put her friendliest smile on her face, went up to their car, knocked on the window, and said,
“Excuse me, but I’m pretty desperate. Do you think you two could find it in your hearts to jump me?”
And to be fair to Mom, I should share one of my own. Some years back, I started dating someone new after a long dry spell, and things were going…quite well. When I am happy, I tend to lose weight, and I’d taken off something like 10 lbs. inside a month without trying in the least.
A good friend of mine asked me how things were going with the new guy, and I answered, “Fabulously - I’m getting into pants I haven’t gotten into in years!”
On a first date with a girl we were discussing how tiny each of our apartments are. She was describing how hard it was to arrange her bedroom furniture.
“You don’t understand- Everything’s tight in my bedroom.”
That got quite the raised eyebrow from me.
oh damn posted too soon…
In high school a very sweet mormon girl who I was on and off pursuing had a sore throat. In a small group of friends she turned to me and said “Do you have something hard that I can suck on.”
I was out at Big Boy with a couple of male friends once, and ordered some sort of brownie and ice cream dessert thingie with a maraschino cherry on top. I hate maraschino cherries, so I set it off on the side of my plate and ate the rest of the dessert. Then the server took my plate away. My friend Craig watched the plate go away, and said sadly “I should have asked you for your cherry.”
“You should have. I would have given it to you. It’s too late now.”
Neither of us realized what we’d said for a few seconds. Then we died.
When I worked in a movie theatre, we got some promotional dolls from a film. So I had one of them in the box office and one of the cashiers saw it and exclaimed.
“OH, can I play with your Woody?”
It totally made my day.
When I worked at OfficeMax we had to stock merchandise above the shelves for later retrieval. This involved climbing up a ladder. We could work much faster when we worked in two’s, one person on the floor handing boxes up to the guy standing on the top platform of the ladder. One day while preparing to do such work the guy I was working with said out loud, “You wanna be on top or on the bottom?” :eek: Needless to say I was quite embarrassed knowing we were within earshot of several customers.
He was flexible in several of your heads?! That sound way more intriguing that the whole teabagging thing. 
You know, I’ve been enjoying lurking in this thread, sad that I had nothing to contribute.
Unfortunately, I just remembered that I do have something to contribute, but it still makes me cringe. Oh well…here goes:
A few years ago, I was sitting in the lunchroom having a conversation with one of my coworkers about ethnic foods (I am black, she is Mexican). We eventually got onto the subject of food based on “odd” parts of an animal’s body. I explained that my grandmother was from the south and liked to cook beef tongue. My coworker said that her family also made lots of that dish in her youth, and that she loved it. I told her that I couldn’t understand how she liked it; it was always chewy and unpleasant in my experience. She said that I clearly had not had it cooked properly yet, then.
This seemed like a reasonable hypothesis, so I responded, full of innocence and stupidity, “Well, the only tongue I’ve ever tasted is my grandmother’s.”
:eek:
Four years later, I haven’t lived that one down.
I can’t speak to the motivations of dictionary editors, even urban ones, I’m just reportin’ the facts as I see them from here. Does it seem odd to you that things may have slightly different meanings in Southern California than in other parts of the country? Dictionaries schmictionaries, I’ve never heard the word used to describe a consensual act or an act involving females. I don’t doubt people use the word for those, but not here.
I think you misread me. I didn’t say that any consensual sex act is embarrassing. I said that a teabagging isn’t called a teabagging here unless somebody’s embarrassed (ie the act occurs in public on an unwilling participant and usually is documented with photographic evidence). I don’t doubt the word’s origin or its different meaning where you are.
See my spoilered post earlier.
I referee hockey games, both youth and adult. This past Sunday I was working the 10 and under games at the local rink. While standing by the boards waiting for the coach to shuffle his players on and off.
His insturctions are as follows:
“Steven, off. Jimmy on. Jeff, off. Chris, on. Jack, off…”
He looked at me and we both clearly bit our tongues. A quick look around assured as that the kids were too young to get it and the parents were too deaf to hear it
[Stewie Griffin] Blast! [/Stewie Griffin]
I inadvertently raunchied my post in the inadvertently raunchy thread. See, Alanis, that’s ironic.
Picture this… :dubious:
a girl on a diet… :o
a boyfriend surprising her with a small candy bar… :o
“I got a surprise for you in my pants… :eek:
it’s a tootsie roll(he’s a dark skin Samoan)… :eek: :eek:
don’t worry, it’s funsized!!” :eek: :eek: :eek: