Incel question

[Tee]

@Velocity

I agree, see post #95. Male aggression sets off a lot more societal alarms (to be fair, partly because men are usually stronger and more capable of violence.)

Are you kidding me? It doesn’t get any more infantilizing than this idea of Incels being upset and frustrated and of course they want to dehumanize and violate and occasionally waste people with a van or something, or build monuments to those who do. That’s just the way it goes, how can we get the poor tykes out into society and into girls’ pants so this won’t happen? And so forth.

The only worthwhile product of these discussions is seeing the relatively common frustrations of men who are dating get aired, because apparently we are absolute shit at addressing these problems in any other context than a violent ideology.

[aruvqan]

@Covfefe

Coming from a stable family typically with a father figure who’s a model for consistency in respectful treatment of women can also help be a lasting buffer from slipping into some of that negativity. I am speaking from personal experience and what I see in some who never had that (…not that I think there are simple solutions to prevent it from happening as much as it does).

I have to agree with this - my brother learned how to treat women with respect, he saw my dad interact with my mom with respect. For a child of the 70s, he dated old school - dates tended to be dinner and a movie, he would buy flowers for her and actually have conversations not a rush to get her into bed.

I learned how I wanted to be treated, and while I did my share of screwing around, it was by my choice, and I refused to be disrespected. Even the jackass who ended up abusive started out respectful, it wasn’t until he had managed to get me moved out of state and away from any support system that the fecal matter hit the rotational air movement device. mrAru and I do date nights, dinner and movies or even just going out for a late night coffee and dessert, we go to museums, aquariums, parks with interesting crap, random road trips and romantic cruise ship vacations [hey, good food, you unpack once and they haul you around to interesting islands, what isn’t to like?] I in return treat him with respect, and do things for him I know he likes [made him breakfast this noon - he really likes ham, onion and cheese omelettes with rye toast so he got breakfast sort of in bed <crutches, I make it, he hauled it himself:p> and he just left so I started a batch of brownieswith extra walnuts, flaxseed meal and oat flour for the omegas and fiber so when he gets home after work, he will have a nice dessert to go with the hammy scalloped potatoes for dinner.]

I wish there was a class given in middle school to teach boys and girls to be respectful, and socialized like the old etiquette classes you see parodied in Cry Baby and other movies.

[P-man]

@Robot_Arm

I’ve known people who say that they don’t understand math. I have a friend who says he can’t read a map. I sometimes wonder if everybody has something like that which just utterly mystifies them. Whatever it is for you, imagine you had that same frustration around dating and relationships. I’m sure that all the advice is well-intentioned, but it may never make sense to the terminally clueless, myself included.

I never understood dating, algebra, or mechanical things. I can read a map, though.