As a job applicant/supplicant I’ve been asked some fairly idiotic things. Today’s questions (from a department head, no less) belong in the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Hall of Fame.
Is there anything bad from your past we should know about, like, ummmm, a felony conviction?
(Answers choked back through admirable willpower):
- Not in this state.
- Well, I used to ride around with Henry Lee Lucas when he was on a spree. But I only watched.
- Do crimes against property count?
- I’ve really got to get longer sleeves to cover up these jailhouse tattoos.
Do you have trouble getting along well with anyone at your current job?
(Answers not volunteered through truly amazing force of will):
- There was that rotten bitch in Billing. I sure fixed her little red wagon!
- A few of them are still miffed about the time I sprinkled cyanide in the water cooler.
- Not at all. Everyone respects me since I got my concealed weapons permit.
- I used to get pissed off at the least little thing. But now I have achieved Serenity (fix interviewer with glassy stare).
Where do they get this stuff?