Indecorous Embiggenment

At the onset of our pubescence, we males suffered a malady of mortifying proportions:
Indecorous Embiggenment.

What methods of ensmallment have you found to alleviate unbecoming tumescence?

Advancing age has resolved that “problem” for me. At the time it was never something I thought of as a problem. *If you’ve got it, flaunt it *has always been my motto. :smiley:

Long shirts. They hide your “Embiggenment” pretty well and the only people that might notice that something is amiss would have to be actively staring at your crotch.

Tax Code.

(Read three pages & then look down.)

All of my embiggenments were decorous.

That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.


With jeans on an adjustment would usually do it. With a Boy Scout uniform, it was truly mortifying to be asked to demonstrate standing at attention while standing at attention.

“Tight-pantsed points, hard living down” - thank you, Bob Seger.

For a while, I tried ensmalling myself by thinking of something unsexy, like my grandma. The problem was that I Pavlovian-conditioned myself into having thoughts about my grandma even when the embiggenment was useful and appropriate. And that was just weird, so I had to stop that.

I never came up with any alternative strategies.

I’ve seen young male Redditors recommend flexing arm or leg muscles. Apparently that redirects the blood flow.

It’s been too long since I had that experience for me personally to conduct any experiments.

There’s a thought… so I guess standing on your head could work. Get all the blood to the brain. I mean, for those of us without much in the way of muscles, but with huge brains.

Of course, then you have to explain why you’re standing on your head. So there’s that.

I see you never went to Catholic School.

Some priest or nun glaring at you…embiggenment…impure thoughtsthe near occasion of SIN!

I always tucked them under the waistband of my boxers. Unfortunately, this seems to have resulted in a permanent upward tilt (slight, but noticeable) which makes certain fun-times positions uncomfortable.

Just cut it off. Problem solved.

Well, it might not be an optimal solution, but it IS a solution!

a dozen ice cubes in the shorts cools things off.

Remember that book “Then Again, Maybe I Won’t”? I had to have my mom explain the part where he starts carrying his raincoat around everywhere, and opening a textbook to hide…something… when he was called up to write on the board??

Ah yes. French class in grade 10. Getting called upon to write something on the board as I fantasized away about sexy Tori sitting behind me. I took as much time as possible writing God knows what on the board, only to return to my seat with her staring directly at my crotch the whole way. It’s like something from a John Hughes movie.

Oh, my. I just had a horrible flashback of something I had utterly repressed. Four words: Junior high. Swimming pool.

Oh, well. At least now I know how those Vietnam vets feel when they wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

Actually, it’s “tight pants, points, hardly renown.” The points aren’t in his pants (and why are there more than one? :)), they’re on his shoes.

Indecorous Emiggenment during a massage earned me the offer of a handjob while my wife was in the next cubicle…


So wrong

I remember a teacher with indecorous emigenment in running shorts…

Ewww even worse