India! Oh, Calcutta!

Cafe Society
1

I have a tape somewhere from a 1982 broadcast (on KMET!) of The Dr. Demento Show. On it is a song called India! Oh, Calcutta! (perhaps not with that punctuation).

First: Who wrote and performed it? I want to say Martin Mull.

Second: What is the line here?
*You can drink your gin and tonic 'til it liquifies your brain
Me, I’ll sit on my veranda with my dynamite cocaine
Like the ??? with his hashish you can fill your head with smoke
Me, I’ll sit on the veranda with my coke

Singing India! Rice and curry!
Kama sutra Bengal tigers and the rest
India, where there’s no hurry
Of all the English colonies you’re the best*

The ??? sounds kind og like ‘punjee’.

Also, in the first verse, is India ‘as hot as molten fire’?

2

Og. It’s ‘of’.

3

KMET?!?

:: thud ::

4

A little bit of heaven.

5

I have never of this song - though I will go look for it now - but yeah, it sure is.

Cool beans! Wanna go look for this song now.

6

If you find it let me know. I’d buy a digital copy.

Here’s the first part of it:

*I’m dancing, Oh Britannia
All the bloody time
And one can get a nice tan-ia
In these sunny climes
Oh, India’s so very hot
As hot as [molten] fire
As hot as the sun that never sets
On the British Empire

India! Oh, Calcutta!
Kama Sutra, Ghandi and the rest
India! England’s bread and butter!
Of all the English colonies you’re the best!*

Definitely politically incorrect. But funny when you consider British hubris.

Incidentally I have Martin Mull’s and Steve Martin’s Men on the same tape. (Maybe that’s why I thought the OP song was done by Martin Mull.) I’d like to add that one to my novelty playlist.

7

Sorry. Gandhi.

8

Then, of course, there was the SCTV send up of Evita: Indira! - the only bit of that I remember is Andrea Martin in appropriate costume and make up, with her arms straight up, singing “Don’t Cry For Me, Raool Pundi!” (please forgive my spelling, I’m going phonetic and from memory only)

9

I remember that one.

10

Just found this thread – it’s the Duck’s Breath Mystery Theatre troupe and an LP they released in the early 1980s. If you remember characters like Randee of the Redwoods, Dr. Science, and Ian Sholes (who’s still around) they all came from these guys. Really funny stuff.

11

I discovered that some time ago. IIRC I tried to contact someone who was in the troupe, and never received a reply.

I’d still like a digital copy, and the definitive lyrics.

12

And the missing word that the OP was looking for is “thugee.”

13

Well, 6 years and change but once again the Dope comes through! :stuck_out_tongue:

14

I had the song going through my head today and found this thread.

You can listen to it online for free here if you don’t mind registering. It starts around 4:33 in the first segment.

It was played on Dr. Demento many times and the list is on the right side of the page here.

I think these are the lyrics from this live performance but there may be multiple versions:

*I’m dancing “Oh Britannia” all the bloody time,
But one can get a nice tan-ia in these sunny climes.
India’s so very hot.
It’s hot as [molten?]1 fire.
It’s hot as the sun that never sets on the British Empire.

Singing,
India! Oh, Calcutta!
Kama Sutra, yogis and the rest.
India! England’s bread and butter!
Of all the English colonies you’re the best!

You can drink your gin and tonic til it softens up the brain.
I’ll just sit in the veranda with my dynamite cocaine.
Like the [Punji?]2 with his hashish you drink until you’re broke.
I’ll just sit on the veranda with my coke [sniff].

We’re singing,
India! Rice and curry!
Kama Sutra, Gandhi and the rest.
India! Where there’s no hurry!
Of all the English colonies you’re the best!

Oh the half-castes and the brahmins, you may think rather low.
You can conquer the Dravidians to and fro-oh.
But the Taj Mahal and Ganges are lots of fun to see,
All the Teeming Millions on Victoria’s knee.

We’re singing,
India! Bombay City!
Kama Sutra, Bengal tigers and the rest!
India! Conway Twitty!
Of all the English colonies you’re the best!
Of all the English colonies you’re the best!
*

1 It sounds like “molten” or “molf and” to me
2 “Thugee” makes more sense but it definitely sounds like “Punji”. Maybe it should be Punjabi?

15

I believe it is ‘Ganji’

Like a Ganji with his hashish, you can drink until you’re broke.
I’ll just sit on the veranda with my coke. <sniff>

16

This song came to mind today. I’ve just noticed this:

I have no idea where my tape is, but I could have sworn the line was Oh, the Teeming Millions, on victoriously.

Has anyone still here listened to the song recently?

17

This just in:

A year and a half ago I posted on Duck’s Breath Mystery Theatre’s Facebook page. They replied that it was a lifetime ago and that they’d try to remember; also, they were digitising EVERYTHING and they’d post the song if they find it. About an hour ago they posted:

A few additions: not “Molten” but “Muh!” an intentional nonsense syllable (Merle favorite), teeming millions on “Victoria’s (our Queen) knee”. I don’t remember what we we were saying …“Punji”? Maybe! But I’m impress you remembered the rest!! (Oh and opening with "You can’t sing “Rule Britannia” , all the bloody time.)

Someone posted a link to the album and said it’s Track 22. And with the help of youtubetime, here it is. :slight_smile: