Ineptitude (another thread!)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Xixos’s thread got me to thinking: what are you totally inept at? With me, it’s:

  1. Math. Anything up to and including 1 + 1 sets my brain in a tizzy of panic. I’m not proud of it, and math was the only subject I ever failed at school (went to summer school in 7th grade to make up algebra!).

  2. Foreign languages. See above. But I am kinda upset about this one, as I’d really like to learn to speak a foreign language. All my efforts have come to naught. I can speak just enough French to ask questions: but not enough to understand the answers! Curses.

  3. Sports. Am a totally uncoordinated klutz. This does not particulalry bother me now, but as a kid forced to participate in gym class, it was pretty hellish: “Oh, no, you’ve got Eve! You lose!” (And so they did)

2

Style - I know what I like when I see it, but I don’t know how to make it happen. Whether it’s my personal wardrobe or decorating the house or landscaping my yard, I just can’t “see” the final product. I know what colors I like and what fabrics and accent pieces please me, but putting it all together in a finished product? PFFFFT - as if!

Lucky for me, my husband is good at that, so when we were remodeling our house, I frequently yielded to him on color choices and such, and he left me alone while I painted. Unluckily for me, I’m also trying to relandscape a corner of our yard. He HATES anything involved in yardwork and he knows nothing about plants, so I can’t rely on his suggestions. I randomly dug holes and stuck stuff in the holes - we’ll see what the spring brings.

Even my ceramics, which have improved considerably this session - yesterday was glazing day. I just looked at the sample board and picked out colors I liked. Will the colors work with the pieces? Who knows??

And I won’t even get into the way I dress. Jeans and a top. Either black or white sneaks. Plus I have 2 or 3 nice outfits when I have to be a bit dressier. I accepted long ago that I’ll never be known for my fashion sense.

3

Same here with math and foreign languages. I was pretty good at some sports, though. I sucked at anything that required brute strength or girth, seeing as I was the quintessential 90-lb weakling for most of my life, but I was good at running, swimming and gymnastics when I was a kid.

I’d like to be better with a round brush and a hairdryer. I can’t get the knack to save my life. I substitute a fat curling iron to get that smooth-but-full look.

4

Same as you, Eve. I can do simple math with a calculator if I have to. I don’t know anything about algebra or trigonometry or anything else. Being in radio, I can read a clock like nobody’s business, backwards and forwards, in 12- or 24-hour time, do backtiming, etc. But my wife does the books, for which I am eternally grateful.

I think maybe that if somebody had explained sports to me when I was little, I might have developed an interest in them. But no one ever did, they were content to make fun of me because I didn’t know how to play their games, or understand the point of running until you black out, throwing a ball around a field and having a group of guys jump on you and hurt you on purpose, etc. This is fun? It teaches you something? It taught me to stay far away from people who wanted to pile on me! And the bum-patting. If you’re not my wife, you can’t pat my bum. No way, no how.

I failed to learn French in high school. I don’t have enough skill in another language to carry on the simplest of conversations. Spanish was a bit easier than French, because a lot of the words are similar to English. But really, there has been only one time in the last 30 years when I was required to speak another language. I’ll have to get by without that ability.

I guess I’m pretty inept at all things mechanical, and by extension, electronic. I could put together a stereo and/or A/V system for you, or help to connect up a recording studio, or hook up your computer and peripherals, and replace drives and RAM, etc. But I can’t fix anything that’s broken, and all I know about cars is how to fill the tank.

Oh yeah, gardening. All I know how to do is mow the lawn. I don’t know how to grow anything, or even how to identify most plants, flowers and trees.

Boy, this makes me sound pretty usesless! But I have other useful skills. I promise!

5

Well, let’s see. I studied math all the way through two years of Calculus, I’m learning German, and I’m reasonably coordinated (I can juggle, for instance)…

Flirting, dating, etc. I can’t even tell you what I’m doing wrong on this. Maybe my jokes are too obscure, my piercing gazes look like I have lazy eye, and I haven’t the faintest clue when anyone is trying to flirt with me. To me, this is a foreign language.

And it’s a common enough lament around here; I’m surpirsed I’m the first to mention it.

6

I agree with two of Eve’s areas, the only difference being that I keep trying to do these things anyway:

Math. I know that I’m bad with math, and my family and friends know that every electronic device I own has a calculator in it for a reason, yet I still regularly embarrass myself by trying to do math in front of others. Calculating discounts, how much the tax will be on a purchase, any tip other than 15% or 20%, how to split the check at a group lunch/dinner, etc. I think what happens is that I get it right just often enough to encourage myself. :wink:

Sports. I’m almost completely useless at sports, but I love to play. I discovered softball a few years ago, and inflicted myself on two different teams. The first team was actually pretty good, but they kept me around because I’m a great team player: I have a good attitude, I’m reliable, I listen to advice and try my hardest every time, etc. And I never actually cost the team a win, so they were willing to let me stay. I never played sports as a kid – my family was very artsy, more into theatre and music and the like – but sometimes I wish I had. Even though I doubt it would help much. :smiley:

I nearly agreed with foreign languages, especially when I read, “I can speak just enough French to ask questions: but not enough to understand the answers!” But in my case I don’t think my problem is ineptitude so much as lack of practice. I last studied French about 1.5 years ago, and got through the university 202 level (with an “A” average). The next class would have been conversational French, but 202 was all I needed for my grad school requirement so I couldn’t afford (and didn’t have the time) to take any more French. I’d still love to practice my conversational French, because it’s the only language I have even a chance of becoming fluent in. Someday…

I agree with Kalhoun about the round brush/hair dryer, but will expand it to include hairstyling in general. I can’t do anything with my hair, and it’s not for a lack of trying! I just don’t get it. The same can be said for many cosmetics, too, though I’m slightly better with them than I am with my hair.

I agree with fishbicycle about gardening: I’m completely inept with any kind of flower or plant, indoors or out. The proverbial black thumb. And his username reminded me that I’m also somewhat inept at keeping fish alive … if I hadn’t managed to care for a cat for 18 years I’d be pretty concerned about my ability to keep anything alive. :wink:

I can’t think of anything original to add, though I’m sure there are other things I’m hopeless at but just can’t remember right now. :slight_smile:

7

Time management
Personal finance management
Housekeeping
Microsoft Excel (I can get by on it, but it always leaves me with this vague spooky feeling that it is smarter than me, and it knows this)

8

Again, sports. I am a klutz and the rules of most sports and physical games completely elude me. I live in the hope, however, that someone will one day be able to explain football (American) to me.

Also, both hairstyling and makeup are beyond my abilities. I wear my hair really short and wear little or no makeup because I simply can’t figure that stuff out. My mom and her sisters are always perfectly made up, without a hair out of place. My sister and my female cousins all inherited this ability. I, however, can make nothing of it despite years of trying.

9

Having fun. I know it sounds weird, but it’s true. My concept of “fun” would be boring to most people, especially since I don’t like to spend money. And what most people do for fun isn’t really that fun for me. Sometimes it’s easier just to sleep or work than to let myself have fun.

Playing games. Either I don’t really understand the rules of whatever game is being played or I don’t have my heart in it, lacking a competitive spirit. What’s bad is that I usually know I’m going to lose, even before the game has begun, so I don’t really put effort into it. I don’t even try any more when it comes to sports. Too many bad memories and experiences.

Exuding confidence. I’m working on it but I’m not having much success, I fear.

Domestic skills. Particularly cooking and cleaning. I know how to make two or three dishes that don’t require a microwave, and beyond that it’s Budget Gormet. I hate doing dishes, laundry, and cleaning up rooms so, like a child, I don’t do them until I absolutely HAVE to. I am pretty good at decorating things, I have to say. I have my style and I’m consistent about sticking to it.

Asking for help. My biggest fear is that someone will discover I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, so I’m constantly doing things all on my own so that 1) people won’t see the mistakes I’ve already made (haha! monstro wrote 25 instead of 52!) and 2)I don’t come across as weak, helpless, or stupid. One day it’s going to kill me.

10

*Flirting, dating, etc. I can’t even tell you what I’m doing wrong on this. Maybe my jokes are too obscure, my piercing gazes look like I have lazy eye, and I haven’t the faintest clue when anyone is trying to flirt with me. To me, this is a foreign language.*OP by Robot Arm

This is me. I know why I’m like this. I hate being phony and I have little self confidence.

Small Talk…I think it’s pointless. I like to talk about things other than the weather or how someone’s hair looks. And yes, I realize that people who don’t know me probably think I’m unfriendly.

I also didn’t get “the neat gene”. I wish I appeared more organized.

11

Another math and numbers generally impaired person here. My most prominent example of that is balancing my checkbook. Even using a calculator, from time to time I still manage to write incorrect numbers in the register and end up giving myself pounding muscle tension headaches later when I go to balance the register against the new statement my bank has sent me, and for the longest time I just can. not. find. my. error. :frowning:

12

Anything involving a high degree of coordination: I’m a klutz, I guess. I make up for it by having a pretty high tolerance for pain, so I was able to do stuff like long distance running, which didn’t require a whole lot of dexterity. But I look at gymnasts and pole vaulters, champion ballroom dancers and blackbelts just shaking my head in awe.

Time management: I’m either too distracted by shiny things or too focused on what I’m doing. Anyway, life’s too short for that amount of regimentation.

Dieting: I love to eat. I’ve gotten better at eating nutritious stuff thanks to my wife, but I could never be one of those 1500-calorie-a-day saps. I’d rather just deal with being fat.

Two years ago, I would have put math down, too. Out of the blue, though, I bought an algebra and trig textbook and started working through the problems and examples just to see how far I could get. Lo and behold, I figured it out!! It seems to me that barring a genuine learning disability, math phobia boils down to two things, namely that it is poorly taught in school and you have to be very patient with yourself. Still, I believe it can be done.

13

What am i enpt at?

keyboarding

stkicking with an exercise regime

singing

andn what the rest of yall said!

14

I’m vaguely ept at pretty much everything, but I’m not really expert at anything. Math is fine; some of its finer points escape me, but such is life. Languages are fine; for some reason, I can get the gist of what most people are saying in any language vaguely familiar to me, and I can imitate accents like nobody’s business. I can cook a decent meal, keep a decent house, talk to strangers about the news of the day, amuse children for a finite amount of time, and read directions on just about anything else.

I suppose the one thing I’m truly inept at, then, is expertise. There’s nothing I’m really, really good at, or at least, nothing I’m so good at that you can’t find someone else in the group who’s better. Less pressure on me, I guess.

Okay, now that I think about it, the one thing I’m really inept at: anything involving a high degree of patience. Can’t do it. Would rather rub salt into open wounds than exercise patience.

15

Mine have been covered so far, but I wanna vent about it anyways.

Most inept: Doing my hair. Made all the more frustrating by the facts that 1) My hair is stick straight, fine strands, but lots of them and 2) my sister is the hairstyling queen. I can’t even braid it or do a ponytail without messing it up. I can braid my husband’s great, just not my own. Nothing frustrates me more quickly than trying to make my hair do something. It just sits there, limply mocking me and my lack of skills.

I’ve given up on having a “hairdo”. I just let it grow like Rapunzel. I’ll have the same hair 50 years from now, only greyer.

Can’t do sports. I don’t watch them either, outside watching UCLA get trounced at football vs. USC once a year.

I’ll go out on a limb and say I’m OK at math. I got A’s all the way up to Math 130, wherein I got the lowest grade I’ve ever received in college (a C) for the most work I’ve ever put into a class. I know my multiplication tables though, and I’m one of those rare people that doesn’t sigh in exasperation and despair at the words “long division”. And I got 100% on my exam on matrices :D.

Nails. See “hair”, above. My fingernails themselves are deficient – they just don’t hang on to enamel. Base coats, expensive brands, cheap brands, nothing works. It just peels off. But they grow pretty long, so hey. (I can do my toenails just fine – they’re green at the moment).

I’m a terrible housewife, too, if you ignore my cooking. It’s my only saving grace.

16

Right now I’m not too good at finding my damn headphones… I know they’re around here somewhere…

In fact I’m really bad at remembering where I put stuff, if I put it anywhere slightly unusual.

And while I’m perfectly able to imagne point particles and one dimentional strings and eleven dimentions of space-time, I cannot seem to fit all of my clothes into a suit case.

17

  1. Math. To me, 1+1=Arkon, Ohio.

  2. Arts and Crafts. My mother can knit, sew, crochet, do needlepoint, and make Christmas ornaments out of beads and pipe cleaners. I have not inherited that gift. My hands simply won’t do what my brain tells them to do. The last time I tried to make a pillow it ended up looking like a sad, diseased manatee.

  3. Paying attention. I zone in and out of the conversation when people are talking to me, so I only catch on to part of what they’re saying. I should take a page from Ellen DeGeneres and just mention Gloria Estefan when they’re finished.

  4. Sports. Suffice it to say my head is a magnet for baseballs, basketballs, softballs and golf balls. Balls hurt me a lot. No wonder I’m dating a girl.

18

Math. I’m not just inept at it, I’m TERRIFIED of it. That is Algebra and that sort. Nice innocent math where you are just doing some combination of either adding, subtracting, multiplying or dividing? Not too much of a problem.

Anything slightly abstract can send me into tears in an instant.

19

When I read this, I thought “Archon, Ohio. Huh. That’s probobly one crazy place!” Apearently that’s another one of my weaknesses, though I’m damned if I can figure out what to call it.

20

D’oh! I meant Akron, of course. :smack:

I guess I should add “proofreading my post” to my list of ineptitudes.
Does this mean I don’t get a pumpkin sticker?