Infidelity: deeds or thoughts?

[robertliguori]

But isn’t “loving” another person, even if you don’t act on it, a betrayal in itself? That’s a lot different than thinking about a roll in zee hay.

That’s an interesting perspective. Is love a voluntary choice? Can you choose to start or stop loving someone? If not, how can love be a betrayal?

[Bryan_Ekers]

*Originally posted by Urban Ranger *
Surely scenarioes #2 and #3 are different from #1?

#1 and #2 are different, but the difference is a miniscule ant-fart compared to the galactic tumult that distinguishes both of them from #3.

You’re splitting deck chairs, if I may be allowed to mix and blend metaphors.

[Priam]

*Originally posted by Kalhoun *
**Tell me which of the examples below are infidelity:

Scenario One - Man sees hot woman and thinks to himself, "WooHOO, I’d like to get me a piece of THAT!

Scenario Two - Man realizes he married the wrong girl and pines for her endlessly. He never acts on it and never mentions it to his wife, but he feels that he’s in love with the old girlfriend and feels this way for years.

Scenario Three - Man fucks stranger he meets in a bar.

Also, which of these indiscretions can a couple recover from? **

Two or three could be depending on agreements laid down either verbally or by assumption (verbal is much better). Number one also could be, but I contend its such an automatic response that anyone who considers it such really needs to re-evaluate their criteria if they want to have a relationship with most men and quite a few women.

And all the indiscretions can be recovered from if the relationship is good enough. #3 might be stretching the point, but I could see some circumstances where it would be a one-shot deal that people could reconcile about.

[Urban_Ranger]

*Originally posted by Kalhoun *
Scenario One - Man sees hot woman and thinks to himself, "WooHOO, I’d like to get me a piece of THAT!

Scenario Two - Man realizes he married the wrong girl and pines for her endlessly. He never acts on it and never mentions it to his wife, but he feels that he’s in love with the old girlfriend and feels this way for years.

Scenario Three - Man fucks stranger he meets in a bar.

#1 - yes
#3 - possibly
#2 - very hard, if not impossible

[grimpixie]

*Originally posted by Kalhoun *
**Scenario One - Man sees hot woman and thinks to himself, "WooHOO, I’d like to get me a piece of THAT! **

Someone I knew once said that looking once is as a result of being male, taking a second look is as a result of appreciation, but it’s when you have a third (and further) look (and the consequent thoughts) that you’re heading into lust/infidelity territory. This makes sense to me - I can’t really help noticing and appreciating (and even desiring) the voluptuous blonde on the bus, but I can do something about the thought that if I just lean forward a fraction and she turns a little to the left, I’ll get a good view of her cleavage…

Grim

[j.c]

Speaking as a woman, I’m just gonna pipe up and say that I have lustful thoughts all the dang time, and being in a reliationship doesn’t slow 'em down.