“Even the inner and sensible intuition of our mind (as object of consciousness) which is represented as being determined by the succession of different states in time, is not the self proper, as it exists in itself – that is, is not the transcendental subject – but only an appearance that has been given to the sensibility of this, to us unknown, being.” — Immanuel Kant
(I offer that quote in the hopes that you’ll realize that you could be both as depressed as you are AND think like Kant. Count your lucky starts.)
Inigo, when the time is right and you rethink #9, consider: When you have enough insight to know what your parents didn’t teach you, but should have, maybe you are in a position to teach yourself.
If not, you are welcome to borrow by false bravado costume. One size fits all.
What I meant was that you are going to have to teach yourself to stick up for yourself. You are right that it is very often a learned skill. You have the right to be heard and to be treated fairly just as much as anyone else. There are ways to do that without being aggressive and pushy and books that teach you how. I can suggest a couple and I’m sure others can also.
The other comment about the false bravado costume was just my being silly – sort of. Sometimes when I have stood up for myself, I’ve been so scared that my knees were knocking together. But I didn’t want the other person or persons involved to know how frightened I was. So I would just fake feeling self-assured and confident. Eventually, I didn’t have to fake it anymore. I began to realize how strong I really can be.
In a way, you have to become the parent for yourself that you never had. Think of all the things you wish your parents had done for you – all of the nurturing, attention, wisdom, approval, playtime, exploration, savoring, joy and love. Consider making it a point in your life from now on to indulge yourself in all of these things that you should have had a long time ago. There is nothing unreasonable in having these things to build on in your life or in having them as part of the rest of your life.
As much as I enjoy the boards for carefree arguing and fun, I hate them when it comes to stuff like this, when a person can’t physically reach out and offer comfort.
If I could Inigo I would. I don’t have any words to help, I wish I did. But I care, despite the fact that we’re all basically just text on another’s screen.