Insanity is the mother of invention

A few years back, when the Earth was still cooling and Man wandered the planet in search of a good bar in which to revoltingly drunk, there arose the need for such necessities of life as nature did not see fit to provide that Man in his infinite ambition set about creating them Himself. Ultimately, Man’s ingenuity provided for his brethren such human essentials as the wheel, the spear, and aerosol cheese. Eventually, Man began to run out of things that He felt He really needed but couldn’t deny millions of years of creative evolution, and so had begun to invent things that He merely wanted, and when that well began to run dry, started inventing things that maybe He could convince other people they needed even though they had no useful purpose whatsoever.

Thankfully, I ran across Patently Silly today, which aims to catalog the world of ridiculous patents filed by people who are apparently of the belief that they have created something perfectly sane and rational and, most importantly, revolutionary. Witness, for example, the disingenuous Cream-based Food Composition, made with real molten fatty substance. Wouldn’t that go great on your morning bagel? Or maybe you’re the sort of person who prefers Non-Standard Cheese Products – maybe ones shaped like a heart and topped with a few tomato raisins. Either way you’re covered.

Me? I want me a nutcracker.

Oh dear jeebus! I laughed myself silly over the nutcracker!

Then I began to think of people to give it to for the holidays… wonder if they have a male version?


Device for Treating Erectile Dysfunction


Mental foreplay…snerk


The heart-shaped cheese cutter-couldn’t you just use a cookie cutter?

This looks vaguely obscene.
Well, they say that certain piercings enhance sex…

This one’s kinda cute, actually.