So, let me give a little more introduction for my situation, I’m 18, a freshman at a community college and am transferring after a couple years to another school. In the mean time or at least for the moment, as money is still money, I’m living with my parents. I’m also the youngest in my family, so after me there will be no one left in the house except my parents. My mother has suddenly taken up interest in this article she found in the paper about Russian orphans up for adoption. At first I thought it was very strange and sudden, but I’ve kind of warmed up to the idea, and I think it might be interesting, and probably best for my mother as she won’t have any more children living at home soon. On top of that, all the usual stuff, adoption is a great idea anyway and all that.
So, I’ll stop here and ask my question, has anyone here ever had experience with international adoptions? Apparently these particular kids (ages 7-15, apparently) currently are in America, but how long they’ve been here I don’t know.
So again, anyone ever do anything like this, or experience it themselves? Or maybe, has anyone here ever been adopted like this, to another country. I’m just sort of confused on how it all works, and I don’t really know what to expect or really, how to react, I’m sure I’m overreacting in the amount I’m worrying about it, but its something I’m pretty blindly getting into.
One of the women I work with is currently adopting her second baby from Russia, and another couple are in the process of getting their first. Of course, they’re getting infants in Russian orphanages, so it may be different for getting school-age kids currently in the US.
There’s a huge lot of paperwork involved, as well as background checks and home visits. Once you have everything together, you get the entire packet certified by the state and send it off. After a time ranging from 3 weeks to several months (depending on how many specifications you’ve made about age, sex, location, race, health problems, etc.) you’ll get a referral. In some places, this will include a full medical history, pictures, video, etc. Other times, it’ll be a letter with name, birth information, and current vital statistics. If you reject that one, you’ll go back on the waiting list till they find you another baby to look at. If you accept the referral, they’ll schedule you a time to go to Russia and see the baby, sometime from a week to a few months later. On that trip, you’ll pay the $10,000 fee, visit the orphanage, and make a final decision about whether or not you want that one. If not, they’ll try to find another child to show you while you’re in the country. If so, you come home and wait for them to set you up a court date. This can take anywhere from 10 days to 2 or 3 months. Then you’ll fly back to Russia, go to court to legally adopt the child, and then bring him or her home.
There are lots of adoption groups on the web if your mom wants to look into a bit more, but that’s completely between her and your father. It’s something they would be getting into, not you.
Well, actually this seems to be a strange method of doing it, I’d just learned about the visits, but they actually already live here from what I’ve heard, so perhaps it will be much simpler. Also, this particular group (the one already in this country) is fairly small, so there aren’t as many options as you would have with something like this, perhaps it is too outside the normal for it to be a discussable topic.
I have a son adopted from South Korea.
I have girlfriends with children from Khazikstan, Peru, Guatamaula
A cousin with a child from Russia.
All these children were adopted at less than a year (I think the baby from Khazikstan may have been 13 months or so at placement). There is a HUGE difference between adopting a baby and an older child - or a teenager!
If the girls are here in the US, I don’t think it will be an international adoption. I suspect it is a failed international adoption (it happens sometimes that people adopt and then can’t handle it). Russian adoptions happen in Russia - it usually takes two trips to a Russian court, and Russian orphans can’t leave and enter the US without a sponsor to adopt them.
Oh, and I don’t think you are overreacting. I don’t really know enough to jump to conclusions, but nearly everything you have said has made my alarms ring.
-
Your mother has suddenly shown interest in adopting just as she becomes an empty nester. This could be very good (a lot of adoptive parents adopt at this time) or it could be a sign that she is more interested in meeting her need than a childs. Why now? I don’t know, but her motivations need to be understood.
-
She took an interest in them after reading about them in the paper. Once again, motivations. Adopting is a huge deal. Why these kids? If she sees herself as a savior rather than a mother, she may be setting herself and those kids up.
-
The girls are seven and fifteen. They may be very set it there ways. They may never adjust (some kids adopted as babies never adjust). The fifteen year old will have a very limited time to adjust before becoming a legal adult.
-
They are here in the US. How did they get here? Are they US Citizens (they very well might be if there was a failed adoption)? If they aren’t how many legal and immigration hassles are there going to be?
-
How many placements have they had? Were they in the care of birthparents? An institution in Russia? A first set of adoptive parents here? Are they now in foster care here? Each placement makes any future attachment more difficult and creates additional risk of trust issues.
-
If there was an initial US placement, why did it fail? It may be the adoptive parents had unrealistic expectations, or something changed (job loss, divorce, death) that made it difficult for them to parent. Or it may be something about the girls themselves that they couldn’t handle. If so, your mom might be able to, but she should know what she is up against.
-
How long have they been in the US? Adjusting to a new culture and a new language can be very difficult - especially if it was not your choice.
Just for maybe a little more clarification, Dangerosa, I can’t answer most of your questions, however the first two I can. Her motivation is, without a doubt, to be a mother, I believe the reason she chose “these kids” is simply because the opportunity came up and presented the idea, and has since had her interest. As for “Why now?” I’m not really certain, but I’d be just as willing to say that it’s really just because now is now, and motivation involving “when” probably wouldn’t change with time at all, except perhaps financially, but there is nothing of that sort in the foreseeable future. Pretty much any of your other points/questions I don’t know responses for sure, I’m still reading about the program, but I’d figured it would be best to just make it clear that my mother’s motivations aren’t misguided, just unexpected at first.