Is it rude to interupt someone when they’re speaking to you? If someone interupts you while you’re speaking to them is it rude to ask them not to interrupt you? If someone interrupts you while you’re speaking to them is it rude to simply ignore the interruption and continue speaking until you finish? Does it vary by context?
I would say it’s rude, yes, but I totally understand interrupters if it’s because they already know what the person is going to say.
My father, for instance, will often go on a long 2-3 minute talk when I already know, from the very first 5 seconds, exactly what he is going to say. I try not to interrupt but sometimes it’s near-impossible.
It’s rude. This happens a lot where I work - people interrupting. Happens to me and I witness it happening to others, and response varies. If I am on a roll and making my point, I don’t want to be interrupted, and if someone starts I will very quickly break-off and say “Please wait - let me finish…” before they can get rolling.
If I need to break-in I try to do it gently, knowing how effing annoying it can be. “…yeah, just real quick I wanted to mention…”, but you have to wait for a small break to edge in there, like when someone pauses to take a breath (but then several people may try to break-in at the same time - everyone is waiting for the same moment).
The worst is when someone harshly interrupts you and then loudly continues talking over you. Effing microaggression. Makes me want to punch them in the neck.
I would argue that it is context based. If the speaker has a history of long diatribes, or if the speaker is saying obviously false and/or vile things, or if the speaker is not being considerate of the other person’s time, than an interruption is warranted.
The first thing I need to know is: does the listener want to hear from the speaker?
Of course it varies by context. Work? Family? Friends? Social organization? 2 people or more?
WRT social situations, I’ve known quite a few folk who like to pontificate - often about nothing. They start talking and within seconds you know where they are going, but it takes them several uninteresting minutes to get there. But if someone interjects a brief question or comment, they get all insulted and say, “I’m talking!”
I guess I was raised in a - um - talky family. Boyfriends and girlfriends were often taken aback the first time they sat at the dinner table and experienced what - to us - were just lively discussions. Interjections were common, and volume often got loud. No matter how much of a “roll” I think I am on, it is hard to imagine that “making my point” will be impaired by someone asking a question, expressing agreement, etc.
Sure, if someone interrupts you and just takes the conversation in a completely different direction, that is generally rude. And may warrant comment. But maybe the listeners simply aren’t as interested in hearing what you are saying, as you are in saying it.
I’m sure I am not phrasing this well. But my preference is that conversation involves considerable give-and-take, rather than taking turns speechifying.
One thing I dislike more than interruptions, is when you have a small group of maybe 4-6 people, and while one conversation is going on, 2 or 3 people just start a different conversation. I have a hard time following either conversation. But that practice seems to be nearly universal.
It can easily be considered a hijack, and – depending on the setting – you could be modded for it.
So there.
Yeah.
[I heard that]
More seriously…
It violates the letter and the spirit of Active Listening:
But it’s still highly context-dependent. If we’re in a meeting, and there’s a hard end time to the meeting, and somebody’s droning on, they may need to be interrupted.
You see this on TV news interviews frequently.
The blow can sometimes be marginally softened with, “I’m sorry to interrupt you, but …” although just doing this to make your own point or to change the subject seems iffy.
When we think of politics, I’ve interrupted my Republican neighbor a few times, when he heads down the road of well-worn bullshit talking points. We’ve all heard them ad nauseum. I just can’t hear them anymore.
If the person with whom you’re speaking is somebody you love and/or respect, I think it’s really decent to keep interruptions to a minimum – personally or professionally.
If somebody either chronically (over many separate conversations) or repeatedly interrupts me, I might try to find a civil way to ask that they refrain. At the same time, though, I’d consider whether I was using up more than my share of the oxygen in the room 
This. And also it can be cultural/familial. Some groups of people are used to all talking at once.
And I’ve known people who will simply go on for really extended lengths of time, not pausing to let anybody else get a word in, even when it’s not diatribes. I know one such who would pause from time to time, as if she’d reached the end of the speech and might be ready to listen, but as soon as I tried to say something in one of those pauses, she’d start right up again. Then once she scolded me for interrupting, and I explained to her what she’d been doing. She was better after that.
Is it considered an interruption when someone asks for a clarification on something you are talking about. Very often if I don’t keep things clear it makes any further conversation much less productive.
In meetings it is the job of the meeting chair to keep comments short and tell interrupters that they are out of order and should wait for the speaker to finish.
Hard to do, for sure, which is why when meetings are getting out of control it is worth spending a moment at the end to review the meeting. If the interrupters hear other attendees say their actions are disruptive, they might clean up their act next time. I’ve seen this work.
It’s context based. And how acceptable it is varies a lot culturally.
I have a response that works well. I’ve only used it a few times, when someone is really being obnoxious.
If you are speaking, and someone interrupts, just continue talking right along with them.
When they stop talking, say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said. It seems we were both talking at the same time.”
mmm
“Forgive me for talking while you were interrupting”
If you don’t tell me what you are talking about right off the bat I’m not going to interrupt, I’m going to walk away. I can’t scroll down to find out the point you might eventually get to so get to it if you expect me to keep listening. Do me that that courtesy and I’ll return the favor by hearing you out.
If I don’t interrupt my mother when we’re on the phone, all I get to say is “Hi, Mom” and “Goodbye.” Seriously. As you might imagine, I rarely call her.
This method is amplified if you stare at them while continuing to talk. Extra points for raising your voice a little and if you are in a room together moving closer to them.
And doing it often requires interrupting people.
(I have both run meetings – and kept them on time – and at other meetings been interrupted by the chair to tell me it was somebody else’s turn to talk. They were generally right about that.)
I agree with others that (1) it is, in general, rude, although it can depend on the context; (2) it’s also rude to run on or monopolize a conversation so that other people can’t respond or say anything unless they interrupt, and (3) this is something has cultural/familial differences.
Indeed. And I can’t remember anyone complaining about a chair interrupting a speaker. I have heard plenty of people complaining when they don’t.
I’ve been to meetings where something gets passed around representing the right to speak, so that everyone gets a chance. Good for brain storming.
Ah, yes. The talking stick:
Can also be used as a cudgel for when the stick seems to have lost its mojo