Introversion

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I have found that it’s essentially unpredictable whether I will enjoy a particular social gathering - even on recurring events (group hikes, local party committee after-session drinks, Stammtisches) I go home recharged and in a good mood the one time, drained and miserable the next time.

I cannot interact with particularly large groups but such a group tends to split off into smaller groups that can have a conversation, and I can with some luck insinuate myself into one.

With given main parameters of the gathering, I have found that just one or two people can make or break my experience.

People who have single-handedly made the occasion enjoyable for me
[ul]
[li]Some people do practice the simple, obvious courtesies that should be obvious but, alas, are not. For example, when you are sitting together with people whom you know but who do not know each other, introduce them to each other (I, being an introvert and knowing the problem, make a point of it myself). Also, when you talk to someone and someone else stands by with an obviously interested posture, include him/her in.[/li][li]Some few other people even go further and make it their business to actively introduce people to each other, making them circulate and starting conversations in which they are not a major participant themselves. I have seen guests do that when the actual host chatted with a small ingroup the whole evening.[/li][/ul]

People who have single-handedly made the occasion miserable for me
[ul]
[li]People who are not aware that in a conversation between n people they should expect to shut up for (n-1)/n * 100 % of the time. People who drown out other’s conversation, talk over other people, generally monopolize the conversation. (Ironically these antisocial people are considered sociable, aren’t they?)[/li][/ul]

Some other unpredictable circumstances that can make (+) or break (-) an occasion for me:
[ul]
[li]- LOUD volume of conversation (this makes me silent because I feel responsible in part for the overall volume, so I’d contribute anti-conversation, if I could, to bring the level down to normal).[/li][li]- LOUD GUFFAWS, ALL THE TIME (usually alcohol-fueled), drowning everything out in the vicinity[/li][li]- being the odd man out in a group that otherwise is very familiar with each other[/li][li]- loud music that makes conversation without shouting impossible.[/li][li]+ a large enough ‘seed’ of people whom I know well - I have found that given that it is easier to reach out to others[/li][li]+ having some sort of standing in the group myself[/li][/ul]

So I usually go to a social gathering looking forward to a chance of a enjoyable evening but aware that it may well turn out the other way this time.

22

I actively avoid socializing, except in very small groups (dinner with another couple or two is my limit). Keeping up a conversation is exhausting (for me, anyway), and making conversation with someone I don’t know well can be agonizing.

I prefer to avoid crowds altogether, but I can handle crowds as long as I don’t have to make conversation.

23

I actively avoid large social gatherings. Only ones with close friends are ones that I would seek out.

I dislike going to parties or gatherings where there is a lot of people I don’t know or aren’t close to. I find that I’m counting the minutes when I’m there, and if I’m not in constance communication with someone close, I tend to retreat to the background and just avoid people.

I don’t like talking to new people, they usually find me too odd to talk to. However, if someone does talk to me, I usually try to be friendly. But I don’t seek out contact with people at the party and try to make excuses to leave early

24

I have been reading a very interesting book on introversion. Being pretty introverted I want to understand it better and find ways to be more social.

It turns out that they have done studies and found that the brains of extroverts process large amounts of stimulus differently than introverts. In extroverts, being in highly stimulating situations (in other words, around a lot of people) causes a release of dopamine which causes good feelings. In introverts the same environment produces an adrenal response*, which causes stress. I don’t remember the exact details, I’ll hunt it up when I get home.

Slee

*I think it an adrenal response…

25

Another introverted individual chiming in.

I don’t mind large crowds where I’m mostly anonymous. Rallies, marches, speeches, sermons, the ilk, I feel very at ease in them. I’ll shout and chant along with the rest of the crowd. I’ll even lead and can fake being dominant, if I feel moved to, but usually prefer not to. It’s an amazing feeling to lead a hundred people in chanting, but it’s also exhausting.

I don’t have a gift for small talk or networking, and if I’m not in the mood, I just won’t do it. In small parties where I have to behave myself, I feel a little awkward, especially if there are a lot of strangers. But I’ve gotten a lot better at finding that invisible thread where people intersect, and can fake being charming, too. ‘Fake it till you make it’ works, believe it or not, but it’s exhausting, and that mask gets heavy after a while.

But all in all, I prefer to be alone. I rarely invite people along when I’m going somewhere, because in general, if I’m going somewhere of my own accord, it’s to get out of the house, and be anonymous for a while. If I get invited for drinks after work, I might have one or two and go home, but most of the time, I just go home and relax. I can’t unwind around other people. I would much rather stay home and read a book, than go to a large party where I don’t know everyone.

26

Being around new people is mentally exhausting for me. I’m not particularly awkward, but I simply do not talk until I do some observation and learn who is around me. If I think someone might have information I want, or if their sense of humor seems compatible with mine I’ll come out of the shell and engage them. I guess I can come off as a bit creepy because I’m the guy that can go to a pub and just sit quietly drinking some beers and watching people, gazing at lights, thinking about other stuff, etc.

It’s weird that the posters in this thread are among my favorites on this board. I’d suggest a gathering but…well…

27

This pretty much says it for me. It’s very easy for me to feel alone in a crowd. I also absolutely suck at making small talk. I know you’re supposed to ask the person questions, but my brain always freezes up and I can’t think what to ask about.

Part of it is that I’m weird. I’m not interested in the things most people are interested in. So I really despised lawyer get togethers, where people were most likely to talk about college basketball or golf or something, but I do OK at a function about one of my interests.

I also HATE crowds. I really do not understand why people subject themselves to parades, the state fair, or things like public fireworks or arts & crafts festivals. Just thinking about the parking and the crowds makes me feel ill. I also hate crowds in stores. I tend to go grocery shopping on Sunday, and I have to get there before all the dimwits get out of church and clog up the aisles. (Not to imply that they are dimwits because they go to church, just that in a crowded store 90% of the people seem to be dimwits, and there’s a huge influx of people after church lets out.)

28

Active avoidance of large social settings. I’m not anxious around people at all, but interacting with them drains my energy. I also dislike most people I meet and don’t want to hear what they have to say. The more of them there are, the more tired I feel, the more disinterested I get, and the more I wish I was at home or somewhere, anywhere, alone, doing something I enjoy. I looooove being alone.

I do love large crowds where we all ignore each other. I like NYC for this reason - people seem so blissfully cold and anonymous there (I am from small towns were everybody knows your name - nightmarish).

While I’m often ‘out’ walking my dogs, shopping, or going places with my boyfriend - I rarely socialize with friends. And when I do it’s one on one. You won’t ever see me with a group of more than 3-4 people I know pretty well.

Work is a different matter, I can ‘turn up’ my extroversion when I need to and even enjoy it. I am quite good at making small talk and putting other people at their ease, as well; but these are skills I built up from almost nothing. :wink:

29

I like socializing; I’m just not very good at it. All the more so when it’s people I don’t already know: A handful of close friends makes for a much easier gathering than a meet-and-greet with strangers.

That said, I do sometimes get overloaded at parties, and have to go sit in a corner by myself for a while, or the like.

30

I have a bit of a stammer. I never feel like I can get the words out in a timely manner and I feel like I’m dragging the conversation down. Very close friends and wife have the patience, but people I don’t know very well, I just simply try to avoid the situation. I feel it makes all of us uncomfortable.

Ironically, for some reason I loved being a customer service rep, probably because I recv’d very few direct calls. If I needed to make an outgoing call, I knew all the details and knew what I wanted to say, before I made the call. My clients knew to e-mail me and I loved being able to help people.

I’ll go to concerts, but I’m very uncomfortable in a venue w/ more than 200 people. I just don’t like the hassle of crowds.

My life goes along pretty well, but I’d like my wife to have more of a social life so I could spend more me time. But she has some of the introverted tendancies as I do. So generally it’s me & her against the world but sometimes I just really need me time, I need her to have a hobby/more friends so I have time to enjoy myself.

31

I’d agree with this.

But there’s also another factor: I frequently find large social gatherings to be boring, when there’s nothing to do, except make conversation (which I’m not very good at), or listen to other people conversing and observe what’s going on around me (which may or may not be interesting, but it gets old after awhile).

Social gatherings where I’m actually doing something, where there’s some activity to engage in—playing a game, for example—I like.

32

It’s funny because 99% of people I work with are convinced I’m a total extrovert. I’m not; I’m really an introvert. I am very animated (and obnoxious :D) around people I know and am comfortable with, and I can fake that very well if I have to.

But I basically either like to know everyone I’m with (smaller gatherings) or no one (large anonymous crowds; that’s exactly why I loved NYC too, rhubarbarin). I find large parties to be very mentally exhausting and I’ll find myself wiped out and incredibly irritable. I then need to go home and be by myself to feel better.

33

Funnily enough, I love quiet, reserved people in real life - most of the time, if you make an effort to engage them and put them at ease, they’re usually worth it - there’s a lot going on in our quiet heads. Except this one woman I know, who is pretty much a human blank space.

34

Mine’s the former. I’ve done the whole pub, club, socialising thing and don’t miss it in the slightest. I’m choosy about the company I keep, and I like my own company, so socialising isn’t that high on my list of priorities or “Things to do”.

35

I don’t mind talking to 3 - 5 people at all, for instance at a table for dinner. I hate large crowds and getting into the small conversations I do like. I often feel I’m intruding, unless there is some good reason for me to sit down.
On the of hand, I love public speaking, and I would much rather speak for a half hour in front of a thousand people than be at a cocktail party.

36

I prefer to not be in large social settings. I’m not shy or socially awkward or antisocial, it’s just not my thing.

My free time is spent alone or with one of the small handful of people I feel close to, which is exactly the way I like it.

37

I don’t like large social settings, either. My first instinct when invited to go to a bar or whatever is to automatically say no. I stil do go at times, but the instinct is to avoid those situations.

38

I don’t like crowds, and actively avoid them whenever possible. The exceptions are crowds that I choose to be in because I enjoy the activity they’re doing–opening nights of movies I really want to see, nerd conventions (comic, game, WoW, etc.), concerts, that sort of thing. But if the whole purpose of the crowd is to stand around and be superficially social with as many strangers as possible…that’s exhausting and I actively avoid it.

I prefer spending time with small groups (one other person, maybe another couple…I’d say four or five others is about my limit, and only then if I know them). Meeting new people is hard for me–I’m not socially inept, I just don’t find that I have a lot in common with most people. I tend to bond with other geeks/nerds of both genders fairly quickly, but have more trouble with “normal” women (I know there’s no such thing, but for the purposes of this example I mean women who enjoy stereotypical female pastimes like kids, shopping, fashion, cooking, etc.)

You couldn’t pay me enough to go to a bar, unless it was with a group of people I knew well so I could spend the evening hanging out with them. And even then, I’d prefer not to do it unless they’re there for a concert or something.

39

I’m not shy around strangers. Like, I have no problem introducing myself and exchanging small talk. I don’t like doing it, but I don’t find it awkward (usually). People usually have to approach me first because I’m more likely to be interested in the wallpaper design than the people in the room, but once someone comes up to me I’m fine with holding up my end of the conversation and asking interesting questions and all that.

But once I get to know a person, I become more inhibited. I don’t do the deep “let me really get to know you” conversations very well. The more intimate the setting, the more uneasy I feel. I’m more likely to say “yes” to an office party than I am to dinner at a coworker’s house, even if it’s a coworker I am friendly with.

That’s not to say I exactly like humongous social gatherings, but it’s easier to be an inconspicuous wallflower when it’s time for a mini-recharge in those settings. It’s also easier to find a person or group of people who I can be sociable with on a superficial level.

But in general, I avoid socializing outside of work. I decline party invitations and don’t join the gang for happy hour. People often think it’s strange because I’m friendly and approachable, with a good sense of humor and great listening skills. But having “fun with others” is just not my thing.

40

Inigo: I, at least, find a gathering of introverts to be more comfortable.