Invent Your Own Stupid Aphorisms/Folk Wisdom

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This is probably less stupid than pseudo-situationist. Yours can be stupid or just make no sense.
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A fist in the crotch is worth two in the peanuts.
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This comes from this AIM conversation, based on something someone on the boards said.

Me: anyone who gets misty-eyed about biscuits deserves a fist in the crotch
Friend: i don’t like biscuits.
Friend: but i’m all about kicking someone in the crotch.
Me: fist=punching
Friend: hey, you can stick your hand there
Friend: but i’m all about my fot
Friend: *foot
Me: a fist in the crotch is worth two in the peanuts

She should be more careful where she sticks her fot. She could get athletes fot or something.

LC

2

A hand in the bird is worth two in the bush.

3

'Tis better to have loved and lost than to have red-hot needles poking your eyes.

4

Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after.

5

“The worth of a man is measured in hours lost”
-postal workers’ adage

A horse’s mouth that bites the hand that feeds it bread alone makes light work a virtue by paying Paul to skin a cat on a camel’s back. Or something.

6

All’s well that ends. Well?

To err is human. To err repeatedly is moronic.

A stich in time saves nothing.

Let sleeping dogs drool.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. After that, quit. No sense in being stupid about it.

A bird in the hand will shit on your wrist.

-Syko

7

It’s the little things that make life worthwhile. It’s the big things that eat away relentlessly at your soul.

You can lead a student to knowledge, but you can’t make him think.

8

A bird in the hand will bite the hand that feeds it.

The early worm gets the “bird”.

If you meet the Buddha by the side of the road, rub his belly for good luck.

9

Tomorrow is another day, unless the sun burns out unexpectedly.

Never step between a mother and her cub. Worse yet, her ice cream.

The bone you throw to a dog today may be the same one you chew on tomorrow.

A brevity of silence is worth a thousand pounds of bricks.

A cat with four remaining lives can tempt fate, but not too much.

Staring at the sun 'til you go blind is like falling in love: it’s pretty, it hurts, and then you stumble around a lot afterward.

If you find a dollar on the sidewalk, look around. I lost my keys around there.

10

Yiddish proverbs and sayings that didn’t make it:

  1. While three wise men pull a troika, the fool is eating kasha!

  2. When a farmer eats a chicken, one of them has been killed.

  3. It is better to consult the great rabbi of Warsaw than to be stuck in a chimney with a disgruntled goat.

  4. A man of valor is worth more than rubies and is rarer than a truly tasty gefilte fish.

Other words of wisdom from around the world:

  1. Rain by seven, dark by midnight.

  2. Red sky at morning, sailors take warning. Red sky at night, sailor too drunk to notice.

  3. I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes.*

  4. Leave a log in the water for as long as you want–it won’t become a canoe, because you’re too busy working to bother with it.

  5. The early bird gets the worm, but the later mouse gets the cheese.

  6. Women, children, and the insane rarely make good doorstops.

  7. Only a moron orders the steak in a pancake house. (This one should be a real saying!)

*All right, all right. So I stole that line from Dr. Science. Hey–you are what you steal.

11

Misery is the mother of strange bedfellows.
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This one is, in fact, quite true. Consider yourself fortunate if you didn’t know that.

12

YOU LEAVE MY MOTHER OUT OF THIS!

13

I think my mother needs a strange bedfellow…she’s been looking a little deprived lately!!

14

What if it only has two? :eek:

Early to rise and early to bed makes a cat healthy, wealthy and dead.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese (is this someone’s sig? I coulda sworn I saw it somewhere here…)

15

“If you meet the Buddha by the side of the road, you’re obviously not in Kansas anymore.”

“A stitch in time is relatively impossible unless you are looking at it from a different perspective.”

“Haste makes waste and so does everything else, so what is this big deal about efficiency?”

“A journey of 1000 miles begins with 999 miles, so why bother?”

“Smile and the world smiles with you, (not because they like you, its just that they are uncomfortable with your idiot grin and are wondering if you are insane or on the edge or something, so go ahead ENJOY! Its fun to put the losers on edge;-)”

16

Necessity is the mother of invention, Lazyness is the father.

17

A smoked pot never toils.

If I had an hour to cut down a tree, I’d spend the first 45 minutes buying a chain saw.

When in doubt, move.

Go rest, young man.

If I had a dime for every good idea I’ve had, I could… I could… I could make a phone call.

18

Never accept a ride from someone stranger than yourself.

A hand in a bird has been away from bush for too long.