Inventing Backronyms

I got to thinking–suppose that a government office had a mouse problem, and brought in a cat to control it. Government being government, they would have to give the cat a bureaucratic title.

That cat would be known as a MEOW – “Mouse Execution Officer (Whiskered).”

And the dogs brought in to eradicate the cats would be known as CANINES - Cat Attacking, Neutralization,and Ingestion via Natural Encounter Specialists

well, they should have deployed TRAPS devices.
Total Rodent Annihilation and Pest Slaughter.

And the animals brought in to eradicate of the dogs? Broad-Efficacy Animal Removers, or BEARs.


And those animals shit in the WOODS: Waste/Offal Outdoor Disposal Site

And the WOODS contain installations of Tri-phase Recycling and Energy Extraction Systems, or TREES.

A vital component of the TREES are the Layered Extended Arrays of Virtual Energy Sequencers, the LEAVES.

And the TREES are protected by Biological Armour with Redundant Keratin, or BARK.

Which brings us back to the CANINES…

The CANINES BARK is backed up by its Balsamic Iodine Thermodynamic Enhancement, or its BITE.

A real-life “backronym”: for some years now, the British police have had a computer “master database” titled HOLMES (Home Office Large Major Enquiry System). Clearly, some whimsical bureaucrat found it irresistible to think up a “suitable” title whose words, taken in order, spell out the name of the fictional great detective. I gather that there are a good many in the police, who find the title annoying: cutesy and condescending, and it’s hardly even proper English – “Large Major”, for crying out loud…!

Someone wrote a short story in which the criminals retaliate by creating an all-encompassing database of their own, for their nefarious doings. They give it a long and convoluted title whose initials spell out MORIARTY – the criminal mastermind who is Holmes’s great antagonist.

Anyone know if the Bureau of Advanced Creative Knowledge Responsible for Originating Names Yielding Meaning is hiring?

But the TREES can withstand the CANINES because their defenses include Radical Organic Ordnance Training Servomechanisms, or ROOTS,

I’m impressed that the thread starts with the term “backronym.”

until Ministry Against Nature came along and started cutting down the TREES.