Inspired by the multiple threads on the Verhoeven/Starship Troopers controversy. Do a 180-degree turn on the ideology of the original.
For example, my twisted take on MASH:
Benjamin “Hawkeye” Pierce and “Trapper” John McIntyre are two hell-raising surgeons at a field hospital in the Korean War. Then one day when sent out to an aid station near the front, they are taken prisoner by the North Koreans.
They spend two long hellish years in a Red Chinese POW camp, being starved, beaten, subjected to relentless propaganda, and watching helplessly as a third of their fellow inmates die of abuse.
When they’re finally freed in the armistice they weigh 80 pounds, and have become such fervent anti-communists that they volunteer to work for the Army’s germ warfare research labs.
So, one day Jeannie is complaining to Tony that her master Roger just won’t take any of her hints about her willingness to be his love slave, and won’t even let her call him master, and Tony takes pity on her and tells her that Roger is gay gay gay gay gay gay gay and that’s why he won’t take any of her hints.
Unfortunately Roger is so deeply closeted that he doesn’t even know he’s gay himself. So Jeannie does some magical whooshing and sends Roger to a Turkish prison for some self-realization.
Then Jeannie becomes Tony’s love slave, and serves him in every last little way. The networks let things slide at first, but then one day a network censor is sent to the hospital with a severe case of the vapours after reading a line in which Roger tells Jeannie, “I want you to suck my cock so long that when it comes out of your mouth it’s all wrinkly like my fingers when I’ve been in the pool for hours.” And thus the series ends.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - a twisted saga about a teenaged psychopath and her cult-like followers who’ve become convinced that people in their hometown are turning into vampires and must be killed.
Star Trek: An exploratory vessel goes to different stars to seek new life. However, this takes years because of the incredible distance between stars and what life they encounter is completely different than anything on earth and communication is impossible because not only are their languages different, most of them use completely different methods of communication.
Bewitched: A witch meets a hansome mortal man at a bar. She uses her magic to make him her love slave. Then magically grants every perverted sexual fantasy either of them ever had. Perversity ensues.
Quantum Leap. Scientist Sam Beckett leaps back into the past, to right that went wrong, armed only with an encyclopedic knowledge of lottery picks. stock market results and horse racing and sports results.
Diff’rent Strokes: Two WASP-y white kids hailing from a priviledged background are left orphans and broke. They are adopted by their late parents’ black housekeeper, and must adjust to living in a tenement in the “hood.”
Batman: A rich (and ambiguously gay) recluse and his boytoy “ward” lead secret lives as mastermind criminals looting & pillaging Gotham City. Every week, a new masked crimefighter comes to town in order to rein in the unstoppable crimewave, only to be bested, and killed, in the end.
Star Trek: An exploratory vessel goes to the stars to seek out new life and indoctrinate aliens in North American values. In no time at all. infuriated at being told that their way of doing things is wrong, hundreds of alien races declare war on Earth.
Fantasy Island - a malevolent series in which attractive young female tourists are subtly brainwashed until they realised that Mr Roarke is their ultimate fantasy. (Attractive yopung male tourists realise that their ultimate fantasy is Tattoo.)
Survivor - A group of people are marooned in an inhospitable spot, with no food. The winner is the contestant who eats the last surviving rival.
Gilligan’s Island - There is shock all around when Ginger and Mary Ann both suddenly reveal that they are pregnant. Gilligan is accused of being the father, but it turns out that when the Skipper keeps referring to his “li’l buddy” he is being unusually euphemistic. Suspicion then falls on the Professor and Mr Howell. (Well, who else is there?) That night, the others hear a screaming argument from the Howells’ hut. The next morning, they find that Mrs Howell has poisoned her husband and then hung herself. Obviously, then, the Professor must be the father, but he continues to deny it, claiming to prefer his test tubes. The crisis is averted when they unexpectedly learn that the real father is … Mr Roarke!
Starting a 6 a.m. Monday, Federal Agent Arthur Bauer has until midnight Tuesday to discover the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything before the Earth is destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass.
The Simpsons: Homer dies of alcohol poisoning, Bart ends up in prison, Marge sinks into drug abuse, and Lisa goes completely insane. The Flanderseses…, meanwhile, go down in a blaze of glory when the BATF raids their home-cum-compound.
Ned: “Help me with these Molotov cocktail-a-rinos!”
Rod and Todd: “Death to the infidels!”
South Park: Cartman becomes a serial killer, muttering "I hate you guys… I hate you guys so much… " while slaughtering schoolboys. When he is caught and the media catches up to Kyle and Stan, they both say that he was a seriously fucked-up little boy. Cartman spends the rest of his life playing teaparty with the vegetable patch at the local mental institution. Kenny’s parents die as they lived: drunk and dirt poor.
Warning – there’s no adult imagery on this page, but there is on other pages of this site, so if you’re at work or around kids or your old lady has you pussy-whipped, exercise caution while visiting other pages on this site.
