I became “invisible” at the ripe old age of 20. That is the age I began using a wheelchair due to spinal cord injury.
Thanks, GrumpyBunny. I guess I’ll just put away that sheer top then 
My hair is adorable, so there’s that.
Thanks for telling us…now!
I have noticed and have to admit I kind of like it. It’s the anonymity, I think. In my late forties I did notice the world didn’t rise up to meet me quite as much, but I didn’t much mind.
I worked all my life in service, waiting, bar tending, swanky catering, all things where you’re effectively on display. After several years of it you really come to value NOT drawing attention.
I’m now in my late fifties and 30 yrs into a committed relationship, but every now and them I am taken aback to draw the unexpected attention of some gentleman. (Yes, men my age ish!)
And my money is on I get hit on more than the Mr. And he’s in shape, full head of hair, and a cutie, and works where there is certainly opportunity. (Of course I could be way wrong about that too, cause he’d never say.)
I don’t seem to have any problem not be invisible when it suits me, though perhaps that will change in the years ahead. After years in service I can pretty much walk up to and speak to anybody with ease.
Thinking about it, I must surely be invisible to young people I think. But since I don’t really care, I’ve never given it a thought before this thread. Still don’t care.
Recent New York Times article: The Lonely Death of George Bell – Dying Alone in New York City, published just a few days ago (Oct. 17, I think). Journalist got interested in the question of what happens to the invisible people who die, and traced one such death in great detail. Lengthy article, good read. It could happen to you.
ETA: For some reason, the first few lines of the story don’t display – either a problem with their HTML formatting or a problem with my browser. Here are the first few lines of the story:
Each year around 50,000 people die in New York, some alone and unseen. Yet death even in such forlorn form can cause a surprising amount of activity. Sometimes, along the way, a life’s secrets are revealed.
By N. R. KLEINFIELD OCT. 17, 2015
They found him in the living room, crumpled up on the mottled carpet. The police did. Sniffing a fetid odor, a neighbor had called 911. The apartment was in north-central Queens, in an unassertive building on 79th Street in Jackson Heights.
In a separate brief article by same author, What Happens to People Who Die Alone?, he discussed how he began to wonder about the question and how he got into investigating it.
In my 20s I was good-looking and got used to the attention. Now, at 36, all that’s over and in many ways it’s probably for the best:
For example, I thought of myself as interesting simply because people took an interest in me. Losing my looks made me realize I hadn’t achieved very much yet, and also realize my conversational deficiencies.
OTOH you also notice rudeness: people not paying attention to what you say, or saying things to you or people around you that imply you are not important. I’m not going to suggest that that’s a good thing, but I guess it’s good I get to see some people for how they really are.
I’ve experienced this my entire life in any conversation involving more than two people. I’m always wanting to make an observation or suggestion, and one that seems highly relevant and useful at that precise moment. But then by the time I have an opening, the discussion has moved on to other areas. It’s been frustating.
- Have you noticed this happening to you? How old are you?
Yes, I’m 55. Started noticing it in my early to mid 40’s.
- When people speak of experiencing “invisibility” on a personal level, are they just talking about not receiving sexual attention? Or everything? What are some examples?
*Sexual attention, absolutely, but more noticeable is not having thoughts and ideas listened to or given credence by younger people in positions of authority in the work place. *
- Does this happen more with women than men? Or is the phenomenon the same regardless of gender?
Can’t say as I’ve only experienced it as a woman. Observationally, I think men are considered sexually “viable” far longer than women.
- Are there behavioral traits you’ve noticed (in others or yourself) that you think serve to combat invisibility?
I’ve become more assertive, primarily because as I’ve aged I’ve stopped caring how people perceive me.
- Does anyone enjoy becoming more invisible?
Sexually, definitely! In the work place, not so much.
All this. I live in jeans and t-shirts, jeans and sweaters, jeans and sweatshirts, jeans and everything else 
If I didn’t have wonky arthritic feet I’d invest in some boots, but sneakers do quite nicely. I usually wear gold hoop earrings in various sizes. I need a haircut desperately so I’ve been pinning my hair back with a clippie.
And yes, I’m turning 55 next month.
1. Have you noticed this happening to you? How old are you?
I’m turning 55 next month. I don’t feel or think I’m any more visible/invisible than I was when I was younger, tbh. Honestly, I’ve never thought about it.
2. When people speak of experiencing “invisibility” on a personal level, are they just talking about not receiving sexual attention? Or everything? What are some examples?
I think it’s a general societal dismissal of once you hit a certain age you no longer matter. I see it more with the elderly than I do with my age group. I still believe that forced retirement ultimately contributed to my FIL’s demise, for example.
3. Does this happen more with women than men? Or is the phenomenon the same regardless of gender?
I think both sexes experience it in different ways. My FIL is a good example of what happens with men of a certain age who were always the breadwinner and suddenly have that yanked away from them. It’s like they have no other purpose in life other than puttering in the garden and waiting to die. My mother, who worked all her life, went through similar. Interesting that both of them developed dementia.
I think women also experience it on a sexual desirability level. The whole “cougar” thing stems from this. I have a FB friend who’s pushing 60, takes awesome care of herself, and refuses to date anybody in her age range “because they’re all old boring men”. Her last boyfriend was in his 30s :dubious:
4. Are there behavioral traits you’ve noticed (in others or yourself) that you think serve to combat invisibility?
The only trait I’ve noticed in myself is becoming a little more outspoken, which is huge for me. The other thing is temper: I’ve always had a pretty long fuse, and I guess it’s still pretty long, but it ignites much faster now. I attribute this solely to the drop of estrogen in my system.
5. Does anyone enjoy becoming more invisible?
I imagine those who always had a lot of attention in their younger years are shocked by this. Those of us who walked somewhere in the middle? There isn’t any difference.
I’m not aware of feeling visible or invisible either. Perhaps that means I’m actually visible?
I have heard other women complain about being invisible as they age. In all the cases I can think of, they were women who were used to being noticed: for their looks. I never expected attention as a young woman, but as I reached my late 30s I began to be MORE noticed. I had jobs that weren’t traditionally held by women so maybe that’s why. I also became more confident then, not sure why. At any rate, as I aged I did not experience this feeling of invisibility. I’m 68 now and still don’t feel it. Like kiz, I’m jeans and tee or jeans and sweater all the time. I don’t wear makeup (never have) or pay much attention to how I look. One of my friends used to complain that waiters ignored her in favor of younger people at the table; that never happens to me. Maybe it’s the pushy bitch in me.
I just remember that this weekend, I was ignored by a sales guy in the Sears sports department. Even though I was standing next to him, he looked right passed me and addressed my husband the entire time. But I attributed this to being female rather than older. It was awkward, though.
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Oh god no. I’m male, 41.
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I’m assuming “everything”, but it’s not a topic that has come up.
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I’d assume both genders, but it’s probably more pronounced if you’re a woman.
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Yes, of course. Are you asking for a list?
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Well, if you’re used to getting ogled it’s nice to be able to turn it off sometimes. I keep things in my closet for the express purpose of not getting eyeballed when I want to go run some errands or whatever. I see a lot of attractive women frumping it up to do the same thing. It’s probably not as nice to go from always-a-thing to never if you’re not doing it on purpose.
Ignored by younger women, sure. It’s not so much that they’re ignoring me as a person, but certainly as a potential sexual partner. I still get looks from women my own age, up to probably ten years younger. I don’t feel I’m ignored at all in retail settings, as my money is as good as anyone else’s.
I do notice that younger people tend to not move over to give me room to pass on the sidewalk. It’s a rudeness that I’ve not run across before. I’ve taken to just looking at my shoes as they approach to force them to move over, or just walking up to them and stopping, which embarrasses them into creating space. There is just no fucking way that I’m stepping off the sidewalk for anybody unless they’re brandishing a weapon.
I think one cause for marginalization after a certain age, beside the loss of sexual cachet, is the tech gap. I’ve been running on the old 1970’s analog model, where people would call each other on the phone and invite them to whatever gathering was in the offing. I accepted modernization in the form of e-mails and texts. The result: let’s just say I’ve had a lot of time to catch up on my reading.
But I’ve discovered people don’t keep each other in the loop like this anymore. Social media has created a situation where every individual is obliged to check Meetup; Facebook; city-X planit, etc.; and then show up and there everyone else will be. It’s like it’s 1890 and if you hear church bells or the sound of a brass band, you just follow it and enter the public sphere.
Obviously we need to develop a phone app equivalent of the calling card on a silver salver, with edges bent according to proper etiquette.
I don’t think I was ever noticed for my looks, although I look just fine. It was more that I was tall and athletic and I choose to occupy space (a very “unladylike” trait). But being older and for some reason, no longer considered tall (when did young women start hitting 6’ regularly?) I’m definitely invisible.
I think invisibility starts to happen for women from mid-30s (as fertility noticeably declines) - I hear it gets a bit disheartening when promenading up and down the bar doesn’t get the response it used to.
Also, it has to be one of the reasons some men buy expensive cars - it tells the girls he’s got wealth, status and, hey, he’s still a player. I suspect most wouldn’t do that unless they felt they needed to …
I’m too socially inept to know whether other people are ignoring me or not. Basically, the rest of the world is invisible to me.
Yes. I’m 47 now and it began several years ago.
No, I think it’s everything. I’ve noticed that even common courtesy might not be extended from those in a certain age group (like teens to twenty-somethings) over trivial matters, like doors being held open or, say, any kind of acknowledgement (a nod or smile) whilst you’re waiting in line together. It’s no big deal.
On the receiving end, it seems universal to me. On the giving end, it feels slightly more skewed towards females. I know guys can ignore you (perhaps they think middle aged women are hitting on them? I dunno), but women and girls radiate (if it’s not just a perceptional thing) more, uh, casual disdain. Like, “Ug, Crocs.” or whatever.
I just try to be extremely polite or helpful or friendly. If that doesn’t do the trick, then I just assume they’ve got something else going on. Be it personal issues, time constraints or we’re just in different places in our lives. I.E.: I’ve got time to chit chat in an elevator and they’re focused on an upcoming date / TPS report / dinner for their family. It really helps to remind myself that it’s not all about me. Similarly, they have no idea what’s going on in my life. We’re just all trying to get by.
Mostly I do. It’s freeing to no longer be too concerned with fashion or whether or not someone is interested in you romantically. Also, there’s not much ‘mean girl’ effect going on anymore, nor do I have to worry about office politics because I’d be too old to be on most anyone’s radar in that regard. So, yeah. But there are days when it sometimes kind of hurts my feelings to have my smile not returned. It’s not like it takes a lot to do so. < shrug > Plus, it can be a bit sobering to realize there probably won’t be much more ‘hotness’ related quandaries. Regardless, I know it says more about my state of mind mostly than anything else though.
I do wonder what will happen as I continue to age even further. Will it bother me when I get past the cutsie, “Isn’t she awfully hip for a grandma” stage? When I’m totally invisible, like in a nursing home, will it make me sad or will I still find a way to be vital? I hope it’s the latter, if only to be the resident goofy card sender or silly hat wearer. I’m planning on using my doofus sense of humor until the bitter end. 