That’s hilarious, I always knew the lacrosse team was the real problem, they’re hiding something in that ball, why else would they be so worried about it…
I never said that the clothes were a problem, it’s the attitude that can bring the person into making bad choices, I guess what I’m saying is that if you do see a radical change in clothes or whatnot, you might want to get your telescope out and make sure there’s nothing brewing deeper inside.
When my brother was a teenager, he grew his hair very long. Mom didn’t like it, but decided to choose her battles. Then, when he had sons, she showed them photos of him as a teen. They thought he looked hilarious. He said, “Mom! Why didn’t you make me get a haircut?”
A few years ago, a woman in my church had a daughter who insisted on dyeing her hair pink. I told both of them the above story. The mother said she was going to get her camera. “Mom! You wouldn’t!” The next day, the girl’s hair was back to brown.
The mere fact that you’re questioning it means you probably don’t approve. You’re the parent, you set the rules. Your kid, your rules
Ohhhhh… I LOVE that jacket! Too bad I couldn’t squeeze my fat carcass in it…
If you don’t want her to wear it just remark how cute and sensible it looks. If that doesn’t do the trick, buy your own and wear it…especially when her friends will see you.
That coat is gorgeous. I would buy it in a minute if it would fit me. I’m too old for the typical “goth” demographic but I don’t care. It would be mine! 
Just so long as she doesn’t become a Vandal. 
Migration period tribe jokes aside, when I was 13 I seem to remember most kids, including myself, dressing fairly stupid. I don’t see anything wrong with the coat. It’s a dramatic fashion statement, but i don’t think it gives off an overly sexy vibe or anything like that. When she grows up she’ll probably have to dress in boring clothes that look just like everyone else’s most of the time. Let her dress a little over the top when she’s young and can get away with it.
But, uh, isn’t the societal appropriateness directly related to how “slutty” something might look in this case? If my mother told me something wasn’t appropriate in public I would ask why. I don’t know if it’d be a bad thing to explain to her daughter that people will make assumptions about her character based on her appearance. It might not be fair, but that’s the way the world works.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling her that people will make assumptions based on her appearance. I would tell the same thing to my son (if I had one) if he wanted to go out in public with his pants hanging down so low that his underwear-clad butt cheeks were hanging out. I just don’t see the point in using the “S” word to describe it. I don’t like that word–usually if you want to be honest about it, it’s used to describe any girl or woman who’s dressed less “morally” than the individual using the word finds acceptable (or, alternatively, any girl or woman who enjoys sex, but not with the speaker). Like others in this thread, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be teaching young girls that their clothing choices make them “slutty.” Nothing wrong with making sure she understands that other people have a right to think what they will and that those thoughts might negatively affect their opinion of her. Just leave the word out.
Any age is too young for Goth. Except of course if you are Sweden and live in Gotland.
This. Let her little freak flag fly while it still can without costing her jobs and whatnot. Besides, there are much worse phases for a preteen to go through than the gothy road (unless you, the mother, really can’t stomach Evanescence. And who could blame you ?)
Is 13 too young for the Goth look?
No.
Is 13 too young to get a 130-quid coat which she can only wear on particular occasions and which she could go off very, very quickly?
Absolutely.
Suddenly starting to wear black lipstick I can understand, as that’s a pocket money purchase. But where did the over-the-knee boots appear from?
I think there needs to be clear understanding here not so much about whether clothes are “slutty” or not, but whether they are a good use of money - hers and yours. Maybe agree a clothing allowance in return for chores and then she may understand that for that kind of money she could get a good few Goth-esque tops, and ones which maybe aren’t so extreme and would still be wearable at a family dinner.
As an aside, when I was 15 I desperately wanted a Wrangler (had to be Wrangler) jacket for my Christmas. So I could fabric paint the inside cover of Led Zep IV down the back of it, of course. My parents thought this was silly, and only boys wore Wrangler jackets, and bought me a nice sensible jacket. Which I never wore, opting to save up my Saturday job money and buy the Wrangler jacket. And the fabric paint to go with it. The point of that anecdote is you can’t stop her if she has her heart set on a particular style. But you can make her understand value for money, and that getting the things you want are because you’ve earned it, not because you’re worth it.
There’s nothing slutty about this jacket, but it’s expensive for something she’s likely to outgrow in a couple of years. Have her pay some of the cost if she wants it, but it’s not as inappropriate as some things I can think of.
If I were in your shoes, I’d let your daughter know that you’re more concerned with her attitude than her fashion choices. As long as she’s kind and pleasant to be around (you know, for a young teenager), she can wear whatever style she likes as long as it’s decent. That way you get the behavior that matters to you, she feels free to express herself, and you both reaffirm that character is more important than appearance. Even grandma who disapproves of hair dye can be won over if the girl will still sit down and play cards and laugh with her like she used to. And yes, unless your family usually hands out gifts that expensive I’d make her work for that coat too. Maybe split the cost?
Also, she’s 5’7" at thirteen? Good heavens! I don’t think I was even five feet at her age. Depending on her face and figure, she and her twin may get perceived as being much older than they actually are, which can be hard on a thirteen year old. People may expect a higher level of maturity than she really can offer, and strangers may treat her like she’s sexually mature when she’s really not even close. She and her sister may need some extra support to help deal with that. Hopefully you’re already well aware of this and I’m being borderline insulting by trying to advise you on it. 
Good luck!