I’m 70 years old and live in a small town in Montana. I’ve become friends with neighbors around me, who you might guess are mostly married. I have been married twice. The first time, I was too young and inexperienced and it only lasted five years before my wife kicked me out. I was angry and upset at the time, but I soon realized it was a good thing for me in the long run. While I am still on speaking terms with my first wife, I wouldn’t calls us friends.
I was single for 15 years before looking to marry again. During this time I was very happy. Within a few months of my daughter graduating High School I started online dating, I soon met someone and remarried. That marriage lasted for over 20 years, but by that time, we were living separate lives. I decided we should divorce and she agreed, so it ended up being a mutual decision. So far we are still friendly toward each other.
I now live alone with my dog in a new house, in a new town, and honestly, I couldn’t be happier. I enjoy being alone and doing what I want, when I want, with whomever I want, and I don’t miss being married. I have male and female friends to hang out with, and I really don’t mind coming home to an empty house.
Most of the single people my age have lost their spouses and seem very lonely. They didn’t choose to be single like I did. Assuming they could find someone compatible, I think they would consider remarrying so they didn’t have to live alone, which I think makes me an odd duck. Are there other people, either men or women, who are over 60 and choose to be alone, or am I a true outlier?
Not myself, but my late father-in-law was 70 when his third wife (my wife’s stepmother) passed away. He was then living alone, but as far as I could tell, he was pretty happy.
He had a busy social life, thanks to having several close friends who lived nearby, as well as the fact that he lived in a gated community, where he knew many of his neighbors. His next-door neighbor was a widow, and the two of them did a lot together (though he never really disclosed to the rest of us if the two of them were just friends, or something more).
He regularly saw his children, stepchildren, and grandchildren, even though none of them lived the same area as him – he’d travel to see us, and we’d go down to Florida to visit him. And, he had come out of retirement a year or two before his wife’s death, as he and a friend had started up a new company; that all kept him very active.
He remained healthy, active, and by all accounts, pretty darned happy, for over a decade. He died at 81, from a fast-moving cancer.
I suspect most people are happier if they have at least a domestic partner if not a lover?
Someone to share the daily chores and shoot the breeze with.
Humans seem to be social creatures.
I feel happy that I’ve been married for 40 years to a woman who shares most of my values, some of my interests and a lot of sense of humour. We’re not young lovers any more, but we pull in harness pretty well.
Though I guess it’s better to live alone than grind your teeth and put up with someone you don’t like?
60+ here, partnered with the same person for 40+ years. We get along fine, care about each other, but we mostly each do our own thing. I know I would be quite content were I to find myself living alone. I don’t think my partner would be quite so happy, but … I’m not really sure.
Depends on the person, and the relationship, I imagine.
In contrast to my father-in-law, my mother-in-law spent most of the past decade married, and miserable. She and her husband (to whom she’d been married for over three decades) grew to strongly dislike and resent each other, and though they had discussed getting divorced, about ten years ago, they chose not to. They argued, fought, and generally only barely tolerated each other for years.
Her husband passed away last fall, after years of serious illness, and my MIL finally felt “free.” She has expressed that she regretted not agreeing to the divorce years ago. OTOH, I’d say that she is, generally, not a happy person, has very few actual friends, and generally feels that life conspires against her.
I’m 58 (near enough and I know it is not the 60 asked for by the OP but close enough I think).
My last long term relationship ended seven years ago (we are still on very good terms). I am no longer at all interested in another romantic relationship. If lightning strikes and I meet the right person that’d be fine but I am in no way trying at all. This is fine with me and how I prefer it. It is a lot less stressful.
I have noticed, looking at my married sister (30+ years) and other married friends that I maintain a much more active circle of friends. They have friends, of course, but they almost never have their friends over for dinner or go out to dinner or hangout at street festivals or go to museums or anything. My circle of friends is fairly active and usually meet a couple times a month (give or take depending on the season and what is going on).
My fear is what happens when I am over 70 or 80? I suspect that will be a lot more lonely as the friends likely won’t be doing as much (if at all).
Living alone, and having a healthy sex life, are not mutually exclusive. It just makes it harder for most people. Many older married couples stop having sex for a variety of reasons, yet don’t divorce because the thought of being alone is too scary for them.
I know one thing: I would rather be living alone than living in a rotten relationship. So it depends. I would welcome a happy relationship (such as the one I’m in now) at any age as long as it lasts. I had a miserable “starter marriage” long ago and wondered whether I would ever date again when it ended. Well, I did, but I was lucky enough that she approached me. My parents are still happy, living together, and in their 80s. But I can see where living alone also has advantages.
My mother passed away at 75, and my father lived alone until he died at 91. In his early 80s he moved into a senior community that provided food, among other things, and it made his life much easier. He continued to drive throughout his life and had family and friends close by, until I moved 1,100 miles away. I made the effort to go back and see him a few times a year. He also had a close female friend, but was never interested in remarrying. They would go to concerts and movies together, and even did some overnight car trips. I think being single made his life easier, and that probably influenced my decision to stay single.
Losing your friends and family is the toughest part of getting older.My daughter has offered to take me in when I am no longer able to take care of myself. She happens to live near a senior community that I could live in and still be very close to her house if that makes more sense. You need to plan ahead so you are prepared for whatever life throws at you.