Another only child here. Sometimes I wish I had an older sibling so my parents would have made their new parent mistakes with them, but otherwise I’m perfectly content being an only child. Yeah, it kinda sucks being the only kid around, but you adapt and find ways to amuse yourself. As for the self-centeredness that people seem to think runs rampant in only children, I’ve only met one or two who have been so completely spoiled by their parents that they’re insufferable to be around.
I’m an only child, and just for fun, I’m going to reply without reading any of the posts except for the OP. There may well be some scary similarities that crop up between me and other onlies.
I never felt like I had “no-one to play with” as a child. I could have my friends over whenever I liked, I had dogs, my parents were excellent parents and still are. Perhaps the fact that you are the sole parental focus-point is what brings out certain tendencies in the only child, like taking things personally, sensitivity, and being perfectly happy in your own company. Or maybe that was always going to be me.
I have distinct memories of being taken to my parents’ friends’ parties and having long involved conversations with various adults. I’ve always been able to deal with adults; I was seen as “mature” for my age. Maybe that’s because I was the only child in my household.
I was, am and always will be a bookworm. I’ve been described as vivacious, but I’m also introverted. I love to go out, and to catch up with friends, and to interact with people, but I also agree with whoever said that Loneliness is a Gift from God. 
And regarding the “they’ll be all alone when you die!!!” thing - I know tons of people my age (early 20s) who really don’t have a very close relationship with their siblings - they feel like they have nothing apart from their genes in common. So they are also “all alone” in the world.
I really don’t think only children are disadvantaged in any way. In some ways, perhaps they are advantaged, due to all the help, resources and attention that comes their way.
I’m an only child, aged 35 if that matters, the only time I ever wanted siblings was as a very young child. Now it doesn’t bother me. I disagree with those that say you mature faster if you look after younger siblings (although I have no frame of reference for comparrison), at school I was regarded as mature for my age. I also think that being an only child teaches you self reliance and independece.
I am probably quite introverted and bookish, but am happy to associate with people when i want too. I am married with kids, so therefore not a complete social misfit, but I do like my own company. I can’t understand people who need to have large groups of people around them and IMHO this comes from having a large family. My wife has a number of borthers and sisters and her parents both come from\large families and I do not envy them at all.
In short I echo the sentiments of Romansperson and Mstay .
There’s a couple hundred million Chinese that are only children. But given all the Chinese have been through for the past 100 years, it’s hard to draw any conclusions. I on the other hand, dare to swim against the tide and have 3 kids, and am one of three children.
I’ve got a sister who’s 2 years younger than me - there have been times when we’ve not got along, but we’re quite close now. We’ve been through the same things, and can therefore share memories and understand why the other one feels the way they do. I’m sure I wished I was an only child at some point, but I think it does help having someone to play with and share with as you grow up.
My girlfriend is an only child and she has been spoiled rotten. Absolutely spoiled rotten. It’s good in some ways - because she expects special treatment everywhere she goes, she often gets it - but a nightmare for me. Sometimes she realises she’s acting like a spoiled Princess - but that doesn’t necessarily make her stop. Still, she’s worth it :rolleyes:
I think it largely depends on the parenting - I have a good friend who is an only, and she’s one of the most down-to-earth people I know, as were her parents. They felt they could only handle one, so that’s all they had.
DH’s niece, on the other hand, is an only not by the choice of her parents, but because SIL can’t have any more, which I think accounts for a lot of it. This is a kid who is either never going to leave home, or break away from her overbearing parents in a spectacular fashion one of these days. I’m guessing “A” - she’s the whiniest, neediest, most spoilt ‘never-heard-the-word-no,’ most god-awful stereotype of onlies I’ve ever seen in my life. They’ve made sure she depends on them for pretty much everything to the point that it’s getting creepy now that she’s pushing her teen years. She has no real friends, because any time she spends with them is time away from Mom and Dad, and that’s just not acceptable - I’m surprised they let her out for school. And because they’ve allowed her to become so obnoxious that nobody wants to be around her, except them.
Another only child here. Most people are pretty surprised when I say I’m an only child. I’m only mildly introverted, but love books, drawing, playing musical instruments, movies, hanging out my friends, etc.
Growing up an only wasn’t as big a deal as most people think. My mom was home with me and we more or less had an adult relationship. I went out to the mall with her and her girlfriends, went to their parties, and was welcomed as one of “them”. When there was times where none of my own friends were at the house (which was rare), that alone time became time to expand my creativity. My mom could tell you crazy stories I used to make up, songs I used to sing to myself in the bathtub at the top of my lungs, wildly detailed drawings of something bizarre but unique, etc. When all my friends were getting in trouble for fighting with siblings, I was home reading a Choose Your Own Adventure Book, drawing on the sidewalk with chalk, playing Barbies or whatever.
I consider the only child thing a lot these days because I have a 10-month old son and people are forever asking when we’re going to give him a sibling. While he’s a terrific baby in every way, this first year of raising a child has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I don’t know if I can go through that again.
Here’s something interesting that happened to me in college. In one of my personal communications classes, on the first day of class the professor had us break up into groups according to our birth order - onlies, first born, last born, etc. – and talk about 4 or 5 key things from our life (can’t remember what they were). It was really funny, but as soon as all the only children were in a group together, we completely clicked and it was like we’d known each other all of our lives. We had so much in common it was silly and could talk easily with each other, like old friends.
I’m an only child, and I feel like there are both advantages and disadvantages involved. Of course, the older I get, (I’m now 26) the less disadvantages there are.
To start, you must know I had bad parents. So by the time I was 10, I was the adult and they were my kids. I never really got along with people close to my age. I just couldn’t interact with them. If you were at least 5 years older or younger than me, there wasn’t a problem.
However, now that I am away from my insane family, I love being alone. I live on my own and am perfectly content being self sufficent. My friends who are from big families, can’t exist away from their parents or siblings for more than a week or so.
Honestly, when you’re a kid there might be problems, but as you get older you’ve learned to rely on yourself more because of everything. And the spoiled, self absorbed thing? You don’t have to be an only child to have that attitude; I’ve known people who were the babies or the oldest who have that outlook.
Only child checking in here. I don’t think being an only is a disadvantage at all. When I was young I wanted siblings but now that I’m an adult (33) I’m content with my lot in life.
I do wonder what if would have been like to have sibs, especially since I am the first and only “only child” in the family on both sides.
All of the adults in the family used to love to spend time with me because I was well behaved and could have adult conversations with them. Also, they didn’t feel the need to constantly entertain me because I would just read or make up my own games rather than pester them for attention.
My parents didn’t spoil me rotten but they were and still are very good to me and we were always a close family. Many family vacations were just the three of us and I had a blast. I am somewhat introverted but I have friends and I socialize often enough but in contrast to many of my friends I do not need constant companionship. My girlfriend who has a sibling, can’t stand to be alone. If she is alone then she has to find someone to hang out with or at least talk on the phone to. I am quite content by myself and enjoy my own company and I have no problem occassionaly turning down a social invititation so I can just relax by myself.
I don’t think only children are destined to be spoiled rotten and self-centered. That all depends on what their parents teach them and how they respond to that; like any kid.
I don’t think I’m any more or any less well adjusted than someone who has siblings. I think parents should have how ever many kids they like and not bring a second child into the world strictly so their first child has a playmate.
If I ever have a child I would only have one. I’m sure he or she will be fine.
My experience with only children friends has convinced me that siblings are the only way to go (much like Cisco). I don’t mind the immaturity or lack of reliability as much as the seriously hampered social skills. Learning how to hold a conversation, dealing with life’s ups and downs, understanding that it isn’t always your way or the highway has been perennial problems with my only-child friends. But on the upside, only children get to develop into endearing weirdos sometimes!
Katriona is right - just as with all kids, how you raise them makes a significant difference in what kind of people you end up with.
I live in an area where there are a lot of professional couples that make plenty of money. Some of the kids are terrific, and others are spoiled brats - and the number of children in the family is irrelavent. The worst ones are the ones where the parents buy the kids whatever they want just to shut them up, and have careers that keep them away from home so much that they really spend very little time with their kids.
Some of the most selfish people I’ve ever known were people who were raised in very large families. The area I grew up in was heavily Catholic and there were many big families - 5, 6, 8 kids or more. After spending an entire childhood having to share with that many siblings, as adults they are very reluctant to share anything they’ve acquired.
My best friend is an only child too and would literally give me the shirt off her back if I asked. Her husband, who is one of 5 kids raised in a poor family, wouldn’t give you a dime for phone call if you were stranded on the highway. He won’t even let his wife try a bite of food from his plate in a restaurant.
youngest of 5 here, 3 still living.
I think alot of it has to do with how the kid is parented. And that holds true for all children.
Also, reading all these posts–you get what you get. Some wanted sibs and didn’t get them, some are glad they didn’t have to have sibs etc. There is no perfect plan out there. There is a gap between my middle and my youngest-6 years. In some ways, my youngest is an only child–and it will become more like that as the older 2 go off to college etc. It wasn’t planned that way-it just happened. Maybe he’ll get the best of both worlds this way.
I see maturity and sense in some onlies I know…but I also see entitlement and high expectations.
My daughter had a only as a friend for awhile–H. would share, as long as she got the bigger half. H. would take turns, as long as she went first.
This got really old, very fast and they are no longer friends. Sadly, I know of another only (an adult) who is just like that. C. demands star treatment–she gets it, but with alot of resentment. She is called Princess behind her back and people tend to roll their eyes at her. She is 40 (!).
but I do attribute most of this ego type stuff to the parenting. Don’t have any solutions–I wish people had to take parenting classes, I really do…
I have to share a funny story I have about my childhood, too – as I said in my previous post, I was raised in an area where there were a lot of large families. One of my junior high school friends was the oldest of 7 kids, and I remember spending an entire day at her house one summer. For lunch, her mom made sandwiches, which entailed a couple loaves of bread and some peanut butter and jelly. She put the sandwiches on a big tray and then drew me aside.
“Now I know since you are an only child you aren’t used to this, so I’m going to tell you what I’m going to do," she said. “In a minute I’m gong to put this tray on the table and everyone’s going to take sandwiches from the tray. You get in there and grab one – don’t be polite because if you hang back you might not get anything!”
Thus was my introduction to Survival of the Fittest in the large family :).
I am not an only child. I’m really close with my brother who is 2 years older. Also close with my parents.
I have dated guys who were only children. It was absolutely AMAZING how differently they acted than my friends and I who all have siblings. They were (and still are) selfish people and had a very hard time relating to other people and working as a “team” (as in a relationship team). Both came from quite different backgrounds but their only-childness really did come through.
Oddly enough I always felt guilty for pinning their awkwardness on them being only children, so it’s nice to see in this thread that people have noticed this kind of thing in other only children and in themselves.
It’s not a hard-and-fast rule tho. Not sayng people who are only children are bad - they are just quite different than people like me who have close relationships with their siblings.
Interesting.
I had the benefits of being both; my brother was born just after my eighth birthday.
I love my brother dearly. We get along well. I’m 29, he’s 21. (EEK! My baby brother is legal!) But I don’t think it’d have messed me up permanently if he hadn’t arrived, either. I can’t imagine my parents spoiling me rotten – in inappropriate ways, that is, my dad adored me. Heh heh. g
Some parents screw up their kids no matter how many they have. I don’t think onlies are bound to turn out awful just because they’re alone. I mean, who has siblings who hasn’t at least briefly wished they’d never arrived on the scene?
This has been my experience too. My sister was born when I was eleven, and now I’m twenty-two, so I was an only child for half my life. I was happy when she was born, and I’m glad that she’s here, but there’s too big of an age gap for us to ever have a traditional sibling relationship.
Interesting discussion. I am one of two (my brother is 4 years younger), but am by no means more mature for having a younger brother. I was and still am shy and introverted.
My husband was born 10 and 12 years after his sisters, so was essentially an only child. He was and still is shy and introverted, too. His sisters each have only one child who are 15 and 11. They both get nearly straight As in school and are very well behaved. The 11 year old is a bit of a crybaby at times (but that’s of her mother’s doing), but not at all selfish and has a big, giggly personality. The 15 year old boy has lots of friends and has had many girlfriends. He’s quieter, but definitely sociable.
He even wants to hang out with us sometimes. We’re the “cool” aunt and uncle. Yay! We just have to teach him to listen to good music. He can be a goth all he wants, but he’s listening to that fakey-poseur non-goth music. Good Charlotte? ::shudder::
I very much agree that the parents can make or break an only child to a far greater extent than those parents of kids with siblings, because you don’t have the dilution effect of other children in the household. The situation you described, Katriona, is one that I think parents really have to guard against.
I’m an only child, with a twist:
My parents divorced when I was a baby, and so I was raised by my mother. (My mother remarried when I was eight, but my stepfather didn’t really play the role of dad.) My father had two sons with his second wife but I never paid attention to them, really.
As a child, I was glad that I didn’t have younger siblings – I look after my things well, and just the thought of having a little brother or sister break things set my teeth on edge. I did, however, dream of having a big brother.
Anyway, now that I’m older (26), I realise that a lot of stress in my life would have been eased by having siblings to discuss my parents with – others who have the same relationship to my parents that I do. On seeing my half-brother for the first time in 10 years, that really hit home for me. If you’re worried about one of your parents, or angry with them, or have a funny story about them that you want to share, there’s something unique about sharing that with some who sees your parents from your perspective – as their child.
That said, I’m not spoiled or selfish, AFAICT. In fact, most of my friends with siblings were given more stuff than I was. But I can see how having only one child can head that way.
I think you have hit the nail on the head, this is exactly how I feel, especially the last part, I have a number of friends with siblings who can’t stand to be alone.
I enjoy socialising with my friends and family, but am also quite happy on my own.
I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules though as to whether being an only is good or bad, as was said earlier a lot depends on the quality of the parenting. If you have good parents then you are likely to turn out well regardless of the number of siblings you have (or not).