are you the only child of your parents ?? Did you have over protective parents ?? Do you regret that you do not have siblings ??
Also , doper parents with only one child , are you overly worried about their safety?? How do you apply controls ?? what would you advise a parent with a single child ??
Only child. My parents were highly involved, but not especially overprotective. It’s a pretty intense relationship, for good or ill.
My mother died about 16 years ago, and my biological father died before I was born; there are no close relatives at all. It’d be nice to be related to someone by blood, to see myself reflected in their face. Thankfully I have a slew of in laws that are great people, and 5 kids, but it’s not quite the same.
Yes, I am my parents’ only child.
No, I don’t feel they were overprotective of me. Quite the contrary: I was a “latchkey” kid who walked home alone from school starting in the middle of first grade (about 7 blocks), and stayed home alone for about 3 hours until a parent came home. I would ride my bicycle and go around the neighborhood on my own all the time.
And from 7th through 12th grade (in the mid-1980s), I took a NYC bus and subway by myself (about an hour and a half commute each way) to get to high school. I usually had a buddy who lived near me as a traveling companion, but not always. I would frequently take detours on the way home from school to hit various shops and stores (mostly bookstores) around Manhattan.
Did I regret not having siblings? Yes, definitely. I was lonely much of the time, and also knew that I had lost a twin brother at birth, and frequently imagined how great it would be to have another kid around.
I have three children of my own, and I have to say the daily amount of sibling bickering has caught me by surprise. But they’re still tight.
Only child. No, my parents weren’t overprotective, but I was spoiled.
I have always liked being alone, so I don’t regret being an only. Playing by myself was generally fine.
I do plan to have more than one kid, and think it will be interesting (and probably hair-raising) to find out what sibling interaction is like, since i don’t have any experience with it.
Me: Sweetie, would you like to have a younger brother or sister?
Daughter: No, Daddy.
Me: Why not?
Daughter: Because then I wouldn’t get all the attention.
We laugh and she’d be an awesome sibling but she does in fact get an incredible amout of focus pointed her way. We dote on her wrt both play and academics but also make sure she understands her responsibilities. In short, we’re not doing anything that would cause her to be spoiled, just well-rounded.
Worried about safety? In what respect? How would any concerns be different than that for multiple children? I suppose we keep a pretty close eye but I think that’s just us in today’s world and has little to do with her being an only child.
Only child.
At the time I thought my parents were overprotective, but having seen and heard more about other people’s childhood now, I wouldn’t say they were. Very involved, yes. My childhood was a lot like robardin’s in that I was latchkey and spent time by myself afterschool most of the time.
I used to wish I had an older brother, because several of my friends had really cool ones. But to be honest, I’ve just accepted the family situation. Having a sibling doesn’t ensure you’re going to get along. I can’t change it, so why dwell on it?
I’m an only child. My parents weren’t at all overprotective. The one thing that wasn’t so great is that we lived way out in the country and I didn’t have many playmates (nothing sadder than getting a board game for your birthday and playing it by yourself until your parents could play) but it just made me more imaginative and able to amuse myself, I think. I doubt I’d have been such a reader with siblings. I wasn’t particularly spoiled, either. I’d have no qualms about having an only child myself.
Of course, my parents were older and wiser than most, I don’t know if that has anything to do with it. When I was born my mom was 38 and my dad was 48.
My parents weren’t overprotective, though my mother was overly strict and at times tried to get too involved with my life.
As for having siblings, you can’t miss what you haven’t had, so I don’t have any particular feelings on the subject. I am sure there are advantages and disadvantages to both family forms. I also know people who don’t care for their siblings and they rarely talk, so having someone biologically related to you doesn’t necessarily mean you are going to be great friends. I was kind of the odd kid out in my neighborhood, though, which was heavily Catholic and it was not at all unusual for families to have 4 or more kids. One of my best friends was from a family of 7, and my high school boyfriend was one of 5. I later dated another guy who was one of 9. I think you do learn to be more patient and stoic when you are dealing with that many other people in close proximity. On the other hand I dealt with being alone much better than any of them did.
I was never lonely as a kid either - it was back in the days when most moms stayed home all day, so if you were bored or wanted to play a game with someone, you just went outside. Kids everywhere!
We have an only child and I can’t say we’re more protective than if we had other children because, well, how would we know. We are less protective than a lot of his friend’s parents, but more than others.
What we are is centered on him and adoring of him. You know how Lucy and Ricky would gush over Little Ricky and get in his face and coo over him like he was a little god? Well, at our house that’s the most realistic thing on TV at our house. It’s a bit uncomfortable watching TVLand lately.
My parents were not overprotective. If anything, they were too lenient. But I was a good kid, and they figured (correctly) that they could let me do what I wanted and I wouldn’t get arrested or killed or whatever. I was a latchkey child, too, but I actually enjoyed that because it made me feel grown up.
When I was little, maybe 6 or 7 years old, I wished I had an older brother, but for purely selfish reasons: I wanted a big guy to look out for me, one who had cool friends who would also look out for me. I never wanted a sibling out of loneliness. I could amuse myself, so I was never lonely.
My parents are from bigger families, but they aren’t close to their siblings, so I never had it in my head that having siblings was better in any way or that I was missing out on something. Maybe if they were better examples of the benefits of having siblings I’d feel differently, but as it is, I’m glad I’m an only.
Another only here.
Overprotective? In certain respects, yes. My parents, like Zsofia’s, were “old” by the standards of the time – they were just shy of 40 and already married for a few years when I came along. Looking back on it, I now can understand the overprotective part: She will be the only one; therefore, we must guard her against the ghoulies and beasties that is a part of life.
OTOH, I grew up quite resilient and never at a loss as to what to do. The kids in my neighborhood were mostly older than me, while some were much younger. There wasn’t anybody in my age range. I developed a very vivid imagination through reading/writing/crafty stuff. My mother taught me to sew, garden, cook, draw, and build simple furniture. I always had a number of projects going on at the same time.
Spoiled? I guess so. My parents were big-city people, so every weekend we’d do one of a number of things, be it visiting a museum or attending the symphony or the latest off-Broadway play. I learned how to handle myself in public and which utensil to use in fine restaurants. I made out like a bandit at Christmas and on my birthday. However, as I grew older, I developed a work ethic because I hated having everything handed to me, whether I wanted it or not.
The saddest thing, as the OP pointed out, is that I am the only one. I have only 2 blood cousins left, and I’ve never been close to either of them. My mother died a little more than a month ago. I’m the only one left with the memories.
Overprotective? Not really, especially given that I was naturally timid–thee wasn’t much worth holding me back from. Very supportive though. They’ve never really held me back from anything I wanted to do, and I feel very fortunate in that regard.
Do I regret not having siblings? Not anymore, because I’m happy with my life so there’s nothing to regret. But as a kid I always kind of wanted a younger sister. It would have been nice–not only was I an outcast at school (and in a rural area, so friendships outside of school were pretty much impossible to maintain until I turned 16), but I have no cousins near my age. I was lonely a lot, and nowadays I find that I go nuts if I’m around people for too long, which I wish wasn’t the case. Being fine being alone is one thing–needing alone time when you’re stuck being around people for a weekend is aggravating though.
I feel like I get directed a lot, although I’m not sure if that’s due to my only-child-ness or just having overprotective parents.
I never really wished I had a sibling, although I am a bit of a loner. I still don’t have many friends, and I wonder what my relationship would be like with my brother, if I had one…
Only child. I’ve had occasional step-siblings and I do have a half-sister, but they never lived under the same roof as me on a regular basis.
I loved being alone. I treasured my alone time and spent most of the time daydreaming and fantasizing and climbing trees and being happy I didn’t have to talk to anyone. Early on, my teachers were concerned I wasn’t going to develop into a socially normal person because I would sit in during recess and read books. (Today, I’m not very social but I have friends, I’m not socially impaired or anything like that. I still read books.)
I like being alone more than I like almost anything else. It is one of the reasons I never understood people who get depressed on Valentine’s day or desperate for a significant other. I love my husband and all, but I’m not afraid of being alone with myself. In fact, there are times I wish I was the only one who had to tolerate me. I like myself more when I’m alone than when I’m with other people worrying about how they might think about me.
The one thing about being an only child is that if your parents suck there’s no-one around to commiserate. I had a friend with older siblings who told her straight-up, ‘‘Look, our parents are terrible people.’’ She had that knowledge from the beginning, and she was angry at them but never blamed herself. I kinda wish I’d had that sort of insight growing up, instead of having to sort everything out by myself.
That is really my only complaint though. I really enjoyed the ‘‘only’’ part of being an only child.
Single mother of an only child. As noted above, it’s an *intense * relationship. I try not to be overprotective, but can’t claim 100% success.
My kid likes group activites: guides, art classes. She’s been in ballet, swimming and gym classes. Before she started school we were in various play groups and pre-schools. She plays with the neighbours kids. Over the summer holidays she spends time at a camping ground with my parents. It’s privately owned and safe - they say they see her for meals only, the rest of the time she’s playing with the other kids.
My only advice is to talk to other parents. Each kid and each parent is different, the more info you have, the better you’ll be able to cope with any curveballs (and there *will * be curveballs).
2 brothers, 1 sister, all younger than me.
And I count myself the luckiest guy on Earth for it.
Only child of crazed, intense, but not overprotective parents. Now that they are old and both in ill health (one in the hospital in Houston, the other moping around the house by herself in Mexico) I dearly wish I had siblings because it is horrible being the only family member responsible for them. There’s no way I could possibly give them as much help as they need without totally screwing up my own life, emotions and finances. (Long story I’m not telling here, obviously.)
My son is an only child too, though if we had had him when I was younger we probably would have had another kid when he was going through his selfish toddler years (now that he is older and not so self-centered, the decision to have only 1 seems rationale again). I hope to hell I don’t ever put him through what I’m going through now. Parents should try to manage their own lives sensibly in any case, but especially if the family network is thin.
Parent of an only. Would having more kids make me less involved with the one I have? Less worried about some things? To some degree, sure. About applying controls–we have found that he tends to blur the distinction between child and adult, parent and kid. Some of it is his temperament, but some of it is because he’s an only and it’s the three of us together a lot (instead of “the parents” and “the kids” as distinct, separate parties doing their own thing). We just have to be careful that we don’t let the closeness confuse the pecking order.
There are pluses and minuses to any family size. What is right for one family isn’t right for another.
Only child here. The only time in my life I wished for sibs was when my folks died. It would have been nice to have someone else who felt as sad about it as I did.
Otherwise, my folks weren’t overprotective, I wasn’t ‘spoiled’, and having sibs only would have cut into my allowance/inheritance.
I’m an only, and I wasn’t spoiled at all except in the sense that I didn’t have to share parental attention and whatnot. My parents were not overprotective–quite the opposite, actually. I had a lot of freedom to do whatever I wanted as long as Mom knew where I was and when I’d be back. I grew up mostly alone.
The only thing I wish had been different, and this would not have been changed by having siblings, and that is that when it became apparent when I was a kid that my natural introvert tendencies were being exacerbated by the onliness, that my parents would have stepped in and gotten me to be a bit more social. But my parents were/are super anti-social, so there could have been 12 of us and I probably would have turned out the same.
As a kid, I wished for a big brother, but that’s mostly because I had a storybook idea of what it was like to be a little sister. Now that I’m older, I see that it’s really a crap shoot whether you really like your siblings or not, and I’m content to be without. Still, when I have a family, I would like to have 3 or 4 children, just because IME it’s way too intense to be the only little kid in the house of adults. Frex: My mom was kind of crazy and it would have been nice to have someone else around to say “yeah, mom’s totally crazy. It’s not just you.” Plus I’ve learned as an adult how much family really does help each other, and I would like for my children to have a network of people they can rely on during their lives (even if they aren’t exactly best friends).
The major benefit to being an only, and I wouldn’t trade this for anything, and that is you get a lot of “thinking” time. I spent more time just thinking about stuff, being creative and developing my mind than any other kid I knew. And that’s really only because I never had to spend time with siblings. All my time (almost) was my own. I really treasure that about my childhood.