When you were growing up, did you wish for a sibling?
Now that you’re an adult, do you wish you had at least one sibling?
Do you feel you’ve missed out at all? Or are you happy with the way it worked out?
I am asking because my husband and I recently had our first baby, and I am wondering if we should have another one or not. I have a brother and can’t imagine life without him. Hubby has a sister so he can’t imagine what it would be like to be an only child either.
The sharing of your experiences and thoughts is much appreciated!
I’m very happy to be an only child. My friends in school who had siblings used to envy me because I didn’t have to put up with pesky little brothers or sisters.
My parents chose to have one child mainly for financial reasons; they only barely managed to scrape together tuition for private school for one child and couldn’t have done it for two children.
Come to think of it, I’m glad my parents weren’t better off–if they could have afforded it, they might have had another child, which I think would have decreased my quality of life quite a bit growing up.
I don’t know any only children who regret being only children.
How very many times I’ve been asked this question. My answer, as it’s been since grade school “let’s go around the room and get to know each other” is: it’s all I’ve ever known. I can draw no comparisons and thus feel neither happy nor sad about it. Judging from the stories I’ve heard told of other people’s sibling antics, I’d say I’m the lucky one.
When I was little (like 4-6y.o.), I really wanted a little brother. As I got older, though, I grew more accustomed to doing stuff on my own. By my teens, I was quite happy to be an only child and don’t feel like I’ve really missed out on anything vital.
No regrets.
Now that my wife and I are about to have kids (she was also an only), we have to make a decision: only one? I just want one, but she wants two. We’ll see if either of us feel the same way once we’re actually raising a baby.
No. At that age, I liked having all the attention of my parents and no competition from anyone.
Yes. I’m in my early 20s now and I regret telling my parents that I didn’t want any siblings.
I didn’t notice it until recently, but I think I did miss out. Having grown up as an only child, and one without many friends, I was usually alone and I ended up spending much more time with the TV and computer than with other people. In just the past few years, however, I happened to move to a town where I had some other relatives around my age and now I’m quite close with a few of them. I spent a lot of time with them and now they’re almost like siblings to me – or at least what I imagine siblings would be like – and I wouldn’t give that up for anything in the world.
But then again, before I met them, I never noticed anything “missing” in my life. Maybe it’s something you don’t appreciate until you’ve (sort of) experienced it?
Ironically, just a few months ago, I found out I actually wasn’t an only child. One of my parents had a prior marriage and I had a half-sister that I didn’t know about for 20+ years. We made contact and spoke briefly, but I still consider her a virtual stranger and she’s not a part of my life at all. So I’d say the actual relationships count for much more than any blood ties.
Personally, I’m inclined to believe that people end up OK either way – we’re rather adaptable creatures. But I don’t have enough experience in this area so I won’t say more
I feel fairly qualified to post on this topic, since I’ve experience both sides of the fence
I am the older of two - my brother was born when I was eleven. So, effectively, we were both “only” children. I moved out at seventeen, and after that was back only sporadically, so we only really had six years living in the same house. We’re not all that close - a lot of that due to living on different continents most of our lives, but I’m very glad he’s there, and I think he’s a pretty damn cool person in general. Just one I don’t get to talk to lots…
I do somewhat wish that I had a “real” sibling - one closer in age to me, and I did at the time too. Part of this was due to being fairly geographically isolated … all my friends at school lived waaaaay away - too far for me to get to by myself, and I’ve always had a bit of a ‘thing’ about using ‘Mum’s taxi service’ (as in, I don’t like it…)
I do feel that it’s important for kids to have SOMEONE that they can have “shared history” with as they grow up - if not siblings, then cousins, or children of close friends - someone that they can say when they’ve grown up “I’ve known you all my life”. Who is going to be Baby Stainz’s family or ‘family’ in twenty years … just you and your husband? Or are you part of a close-knit community?
My husband is one of three - all close in age and emotionally. We were both very clear, for our seperate reasons, that we were certainly going to try to have more than one child, and as close in age as possible (well… I’m glad for the sake of my sanity we didn’t get twins). Can’t really tell how it’s going to work out yet - they’re only 2 1/2 and 5 months at the moment…
Like Aspidistra, I experienced both sides. I was an only child for about eight years. Then my three cousins (two much older, and one a little younger than me) came over “for a visit,” and stayed for several years. A couple of years before they left, my parents had my younger sister. So, I’ve had no sibs, much older, much younger, and a sibling in my age range.
I preferred having a kid in the house who was around my age to being the only kidl, and we werepretty upset when he had to leave. Having a built in playmate is nice, when you’re young. Plus, you always have a “partner in crime” so to speak. Now, we fought and had arguments, like all kids, but there were more good times than bad. If we didn’t usually get along, my answer would be different. My older cousins were so much older, that I wasn’t too broken up when they left. While I love my sister, and was/am glad she’s here, she’s more like my pseudo-kid than my sibling. My sister is twelve now, and she wishes that she had a sibling who was her age too.
*When you were growing up, did you wish for a sibling? *
Hell no. I loved being the only one, I was spoilt rotten. I was insanely jealous for a while after my uncle had kids and I wasn’t the only grandchild, too.
Now that you’re an adult, do you wish you had at least one sibling?
Hell yes. I see other people with their siblings and I’m deeply envious of the closeness they share. I know not everyone gets on with their siblings, but just about all the ones I know well share a special bond. Plus, there’s only me and my mum - I don’t know my dad and the rest of my family are at the other of the country - so it makes me sad to think that when she goes I’ll be alone in the world. Unless I’ve managed to have a family of my own by then, of course. Do you feel you’ve missed out at all? Or are you happy with the way it worked out?
Yeah, a bit. I didn’t know how to socialise with other children as a kid, having been around adults most of the time, which made school harder than it needed to be. And I still don’t know how to share. Plus, it would be nice to have someone around to help out with stuff - anything to do with my mum is entirely my responsibility, which isn’t much of a problem at the moment but could be in the future. It’d be helpful just to have someone to discuss things with.
Having said that, it just being the two of us has allowed my mum and I to develop an incredibly close relationship, which is lovely. But I know she would have liked more children, had it been possible. And when I start a family, I definitely plan to have more than one child if I can.
My son is an only child, but he has three half-siblings (busy guy, that ex). I never felt it was “wrong” , per se, to have one child, but I may have had another one if my ex wasn’t such a bad choice.
I don’t remember wanting one, but my parents have said that around the 3-5 year old range I had “requested” a sibling.
Nope. Quite happy being an only child. But, as previous posters have said, I don’t have anything to compare it to. I do have 17 first cousins (I’m the oldest cousin), four of them within three years of me, who I saw very, very frequently. I generally consider them my siblings, but I only had to spend a few hours a day (at most) with them, so I had the social interaction without the competition.
Very happy with how it worked out. My wife says I needed siblings (she has an older sister), but I think I’m just as well adjusted as she is. That and my children will have grandma and grandpa’s complete attention.
The only time I felt any regret about my “only” status was when my parents died. Then it would have been nice to have someone there who felt as bad as I did.
When you were growing up, did you wish for a sibling?
Yes, I really really wanted a brother.
Now that you’re an adult, do you wish you had at least one sibling?
Oh yes I do. I love my cousins and all but it’s not the same. And I see that while they fight and bicker, they are always there for each other.
**
Do you feel you’ve missed out at all? Or are you happy with the way it worked out?**
Well, I’m happy with the way things are now, but I still wish for a brother sometimes. Someone to pave the way with my very strict parents, and someone to be on my side on occasion. As it was, all my parents’ attention was focused on me, me, me, and imagining up bad things I might be doing when I wasn’t.
Yes. I was (and am) rather distant from my VeryStrictAsianParents™, and therefore saw having siblings as a way to have someone to actually be close to. Having an ally would be a plus, though I suppose it is just as possible that we would sell each other out all the time.
When you were growing up, did you wish for a sibling?
Every once in a while but I also wished for a pony and the ability to fly.
As an adult, I appreciate the fact that being an only allowed my parents take me just about everywhere with them.
For me, the major downside was the fact that my family was more than a little dysfunctional and I think that perhaps have a brother or sister might have deflected some of the attention from me, if that makes any sense.
But who really knows?
It may have also just have complicated the situation.
Now that you’re an adult, do you wish you had at least one sibling?
Yes and no.
I ended up caring for my father after Parkinson’s and senile dementia rendered him incapable of caring for himself.
At the time, I thought it would have been nice to have someone share the responsibility.
However, after watching friends with sibs struggle through similar problems, I realized that having brothers or sisters may not have made it any easier. My friends had lots of conflicts with their sibs about how to handle the situation and it always ended up with one adult doing most of the work while the rest just bitched about the choices they made.
The one thing I miss is having someone that remembers my childhood around.
I didn’t grow up with any relatives nearby-I only saw my aunts, uncles, grandparents or cousins once every four years so it’s not like we shared a common history or anything.
Do you feel you’ve missed out at all? Or are you happy with the way it worked out?
It’s hard to miss something you never had.
Interestingly, I’m pretty much the only person in my extended family who doesn’t have siblings–with the exception of a couple cousins with young families, everyone else who’s had kids had either two or three. My father’s the oldest of four, my mother’s the youngest of nine.
I certainly wished that I’d had siblings when I was a kid, especially around my age. While I had a fair number of cousins, none were particularly close in age to me–I’m the youngest grandchild by three years on my mother’s side, four if you consider that the second youngest lives in Europe and so wasn’t around. Compounding the problem, my mother’s brothers all stayed in the same community, while all the girls moved away–my mother was the only one close to ‘home’, but still far enough that I didn’t see my cousins much. So I’ve never been particularly close to them. And I was one of those kids who never had many friends growing up, so I spent a lot of time alone. I am closer to my father’s side, especially the younger kids, however there’s a big enough age difference that it’s still not really the same as siblings.
In retrospect, I’m not sure if I’m glad I was an only child or not. On the one hand, a sibling would’ve been nice to have. One the other, I’m not sure I’d be the same person if I’d had a brother or sister, and while I have my faults, I’m happy with who I am. shrugs I do feel like I missed out–as someone mentioned, who will I have to say that I’ve known all my life? My best friend in elementary and I went our seperate ways years ago, and my circle of friends has been constantly shifting ever since. But all in all, I’m happy with how things are right now.
I’m an only child, as are a lot of my friends. In year 8 we did a survey and I noticed that it was more common for families to have 4 or more kids than just one, but of course we were already 12 by then and I expect the birth rate has dropped a bit between our childhood and now. My friends and I have a bit of a theory that only children turn out a little odd, which is why we were attracted to each other
Let’s see… when I was 6 or so I was obsessed with getting a brother or sister. We had a “diary” we had to write in every day and school and EVERY SINGLE ONE of my entries was about babies. Then my teacher made me write about something else so I wrote about toys. I think I stopped writing about babies after that but I still wanted one.
That was just a little kid thing though. When I was 11 or 12 I started wishing I had a sibling, REALLY wishing I had one. When I asked my parents about it they told me they’d asked me about it when I was little and I said I didn’t want a brother or sister so they didn’t have one. :dubious: Yeah, blame it all on me. The REAL reason they didn’t have another kid was that until I was 9 or so we were either in China or expecting to go back any day, so pumping out another one wouldn’t have been a very good move. And after that they just got lazy.
In the end, I don’t think it really matters. It was a bit boring sometimes but then I also got away with a lot of things I probably couldn’t have done if I had siblings. And I got my parents to myself So eh.
My main concerns as an adult are how to care for aging parents / aunts / uncles in different states when there’s just one of me? And my parents’ main concern is no grandchildren from me, so no next generation at all.
When you were growing up, did you wish for a sibling?
I asked my mom for one when I was about 5 or 6. She burst out laughing! Of course I didn’t understand at the time why that couldn’t be done, so I was confused about her reaction for quite some time.
Now that you’re an adult, do you wish you had at least one sibling?
My parents are old now, and I worry about them. I work full time and live 600 miles away. I don’t know what I will do if they need more help than they have now, and sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone else around who could be available to help if something needs to be done. On the other hand, I know a lady who is one of 12 sibs whose parents do need more help now, and she said that having a sibling group is difficult too because everyone has a different idea about what should be done. So maybe the advantages cancel out the disadvantages.
Do you feel you’ve missed out at all? Or are you happy with the way it worked out?
As others have said, it’s impossible to compare so you really can’t feel like you’ve ‘missed out.’ I am glad that I am not in a family where the sibs hate each other - I’ve seen plenty of that and I’d most definitely choose being an only over being someone who is at such odds with their sibs. I’d like to think I wouldn’t be like that, but if I had a sib who was a complete weasel, well …
I can relate to this sentiment. I’m an only and my folks are getting on in age. It’s a bit selfish in nature, but I’m afraid of having to deal with it alone. I also believe that my parents’ deaths would be the only situation in which I might want a drink (alkie me) and that also scares me to death. I’m very close to dad and somewhat close to mom and worry about who will go first. Dad just had a quintuple bypass last December @ 71. I have tears running down my face as I type this. I have a huge feeling of emptiness just pondering the future. Yes, I’d like a brother now. Not a sister though. I’m female.
So eh.