Dopers with siblings: Did you wish you didn't have them?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I was a “late baby”. My sisters were 12 and 17 when I was born, and both were out of the house by the time I was 5. So I’m in the unenviable position of technically having siblings, but effectively being an only child.

IMHO, I wouldn’t wish true only-childdom on anyone. You’re always on the spot with your parents; you’re subject to charges of being spoiled, whether you are or not; and you’re less socially developed than your classmates with siblings by the time you start school.

But what’s worst of all is the loneliness. I have no shared memories with my sisters. We didn’t even grow up in the same communities. Any closeness between us was forged after I came of age; when I was a child and a teen, they had no use for me. I went through everything alone, and I’m here to tell you, I would have given up a kidney, or the use of my legs, to have had at least one sibling close to my age and living with me.

However, a lot of people respond to that with “No, you don’t wish you had siblings! My big brother used to knock me down and sit on my head! My little sister wrecked everything I ever owned!” And I know stuff like that does happen. But really: every family is dysfunctional to some degree. Every relationship is dysfunctional. Sure, you have some bad times with your siblings, but aren’t there a lot of good times, too? Given the choice, would you live your life over again with the same siblings (and without changing anything that did happen)? Or do you feel the opposite of how I do: that you wouldn’t wish your siblings on anyone?

2

Me and my sisters were horrible to each other when we were growing up, I think all siblings are. I loved them then and I love them even more now. We had a very hard childhood, and having two other people in this world that know exactly what I’ve been through is very helpful.

My DH is mostly an only, he has a younger half sister he wasn’t raised with. He says he liked it that way. I can tell he wishes he had what I have with my sisters, though.

3

I have one brother eight years my senior and we really don’t have much in common or see each other a lot, but we get along fine. No wishes for non-existence.

4

My brother and I are 13 months apart, so I don’t ever remember a time when he wasn’t around. Growing up, I couldn’t stand him-he was a holy terror to me and we fought constantly. I dreamt of being an only child in those days. Now that we’re adults, I’m glad to have him. There’s so many memories, inside jokes, stuff that only he and I remember or understand. I’m grateful there’s someone to share all that with. So, yes, there was a time I wished I didn’t have a brother, but now I’m happy I do.

5

My brother is three years older than me. I often wished he wasn’t such an asshole, but I never wished he wasn’t there. (I did often wish that his friends weren’t there, though, as they were all even bigger pains in my ass than he was.)

6

Indifferent.

I have a brother who is 2 & 1/2 years older. Growing up we had the good times and the bad times.
We barely speak now. No bad feelings, just totally and completely different people with absolutely nothing in common. From our points of view, the other has VERY warped values, goals, views and attitudes. We’re basically strangers.

7

I’m sorry to hear that, Essured. But, that’s a situation that developed after you came of age, is it not?

That’s what I’m really asking. Adults can have all kinds of fallings-out with their siblings, especially when you add in-laws to the mix, or situations that kids don’t have to deal with, like borrowing large sums of money. What I really wanted to know is if there’s anyone here whose childhood was miserable as a direct result of the way they were treated by their sibling(s), or because of their parents showing favoritism towards one or more of their siblings. Or conversely, if there’s anyone who had a really outstanding relationship with a sibling, while they were a child or teen, to the point that their life would have taken a sharp downturn if they’d lost that sibling at an early age?

8

I had both only-childdom AND siblinghood growing up. I was an only child, then my parents split up, and when I was nine my mother married my stepfather, who already had three kids older than me, including a boy just two years my senior. Then Mom and Stepdad had a boy when I was 12 and a girl when I was 14, so I went from being an only child to being the fourth of six. (There’s a lot of “step” and “half” involved, but we all just call each other brothers and sisters.)

I can see the benefits of both; as an only child I had plenty of alone-time, something that’s very, very important to me. On the other hand, with the other kids around I always had someone to talk to, to play with, to teach me stuff. (And to look out for me; I was a scrawny, introverted kid, and my older brother was/is a big extrovert, so he really helped me develop socially.)

My older brother and I got along famously from the start. I’d never had siblings, and all he had were two older sisters, so we were both thrilled to have a playmate/buddy around the house. We were immediate best friends, even sharing a bedroom–by choice–all the way through high school, and in fact he’s going to be the best man at my wedding this August, just as I was at his.

My older sisters (six and eight years older than me) were just sort of around the house; we were siblings, and had the occasional minor conflicts, but there was always a bit of distance between us. This probably has more to do with them being high school girls when we all became family than anything else. These days we hardly ever talk; we’ve just developed into very different people, and don’t have much in common.

My younger siblings were far enough removed in age (12 and 14 years) that we’ve never really felt like we were of the same generation; in fact my younger brother is a Doper, ronincyberpunk, though I haven’t seen him on here lately since he’s busy with college these days. The older we get, the less the age difference matters, though (no surprise there), and I’ve been getting closer with both of them in the last few years.

Uh, what was the question? Oh yeah: I think I got damn lucky in the sibling lottery. I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything. Being an only child wasn’t bad, and would certainly be better than having lame siblings, but I got GREAT siblings.

Except that ronincyberpunk kid; man, what a jackanapes.

I ought to get an e-mail out of that one.

9

Grew up in a family with one brother who was four years older than me…

I was the “designated patient” in my family… I was blamed by my parents and brother for everything that went wrong… The family needed someone to pick on to not deal with their own issues… and I was the one…

I look back and realize that my childhood was made much worse because of my brother… I would have traded him in at the earliest opportunity… There were no good times for me at home growing up.

I haven’t talked to my brother in over 12 years, and was only told of my father’s funeral by other relatives… He and my mother didn’t want me involved.

I wouldn’t wish him on my worst enemy … :mad:

10

Ah. Sorry for misunderstanding.

I enjoyed my childhood relationship with my brother. I’m sure it would’ve devastated me to lose him during my childhood. But if I was an only, I’m not sure I would’ve pined for a sibling. I guess you just can’t know?

BTW, no need to say sorry about my sibling relationship. It’s not a big thing or a sore point. I have plenty of loved ones in my life and don’t feel I’m missing anything. :slight_smile:

11

Now that they are here on the earth wishing them away seems a little evil but let’s just say I have alot of brothers and sisters and less is more.

12

I’ve got three brothers - one 4 years older, one 2 years older and one almost 8 years younger.
I don’t think I’ve ever wished that I didn’t have siblings - obviously I can’t even imagine growing up without them. But I always wanted a sister. Never got one though.

I love all my brothers. There’s one who’s not my favorite person in the world, but I still love him. I’m only really close to one of them. The others are siblings - not really friends, but more than acquainances.

13

I have an older sister and an older brother… we’re each just about two years and eleven months apart in age, first my sister, then my brother, then me.

We haven’t been especially close in a while, but I wouldn’t give them up for anything… my sister’s an incredible person and seeing her kids (she has two daughters and a son, my only nieces and nephew,) is always a joy. My brother is a very unique guy… I’m still sometimes his guinea pig (he’s an enthusiastic student of NLP hypnosis and such,) and he still hits me up to ask to borrow money from his little brother… :wink: but he’ll always be Brutamin. (That’s a term we came up years ago, a kind of special way of pronouncing ‘brother mine’)

So that’s my $0.02 worth on the subject.

14

I am the youngest of 4 sons. My oldest brother is 9 years older, and my next oldest is 8 years older. My other brother was 7 years older, but died in 1990. We were always as thick as thieves and remain so today. I can’t imagine not having my brothers.

15

My only sibling is my brother, who is two years younger than me. Growing up, we fought like cats and dogs. We had nothing in common, we weren’t interested in the same things, and there was always conflict. He’s the classic jock, I’m the classic geek.

Once we both went away to college, far, far away from each other, we were both surprised at how much closer we became. He is now one of my best friends, I can’t imagine life without him. We still have completely different interests and lifestyles, and I consider this a huge benefit – if he wasn’t my brother, I doubt I would ever get to know him. Having him as a brother gives me different perspectives and experiences that I would most likely never consider otherwise.

One thing that really stands out for me, when I look at my sibling experience, is that my parents set a great example. Growing up, even while my brother and I were acting like complete brats, we always saw my parents respect their own siblings, even when they had differences of opinion. They treated each other’s siblings with respect, even when (as I see now, looking back as an adult) they faced some of the usual in-law type conflicts. There was always a clear message that family was important, and that it was worth it to let some of the small stuff be water under the bridge.

16

I am the youngest of 5 and only girl. The age difference between my siblings is 18 years down to 7 years.

Essentially I was an only child with three older brothers who took over the Captain Von Trapp Before Maria Showed Up role of being a Father Figure after Dad died. Being that it was barking orders at me and YOU MUST DO it THIS WAY was not fun. I referred to them as " Hitler Daddy".

I only met the eldest a few times and talk to him on the phone possibly ten times in my life. When he died in 1994, I was rather annoyed I had to take the day off of work for a funeral for someone I didn’t know ( or care about.)

As for things in common. Barely a one. They are (or were as it is) ultra conservative) intellectuals to the point of being duller than a box of dust, liked Star Trek, suffered from terrible depression ( not diagnosed for years to come) and had no future to look forward to with their terrible diagnoses. And I do miss, of the three that are deceased, my brother Mark, who was a pistol at best, but he always had a dirty joke at the ready and was the only one ( besides me) who could think outside the box.

The brother that is closet to me in age I have zero in common with and I see him and his family only on birthdays and holidays. The last time I sat in a car with him ( 1994) I almost dived headfirst out of the moving vehicle to escape his tedium. ( He is The intellectual of the entire family across the board. Nice guy, but if you were trapped in an elevator with him you’d slump into a coma.)
Still, sometimes they weren’t half bad. We all have a morbid sense of humor (yay for death!) and picking on each other was always fun. Mr. Ujest’s family doesn’t do that, they cannot handle little bon mots of " Nice Tie and Shirt combination, what, did Helen Keller Dress you today or what?" so, * I really miss that.*

Insults were a way of saying you are a part of the family.

17

I have three brothers, Our ages are 40, 39 (me), 38 and 36. I love them. We get along great. I will gladly give them to anyone who wishes for a brother. Since adulthood, I have spent considerable time worrying about them, loaning …ok, GIVING , them money, and getting them out of jams. l have one living with me now, due to some legal problerms and a divorce, and he doesn’t pay a lick of rent, utilities or buy groceries. I can’t kick him out cause his 3 year old lives here as well, which would lead to more worry, etc. :wally

I often wonder if I had a sister if it would be different .

18

I’m very lucky - I love my older (2 years) sister and younger (2 years) brother. Sure, I didn’t love them when we were growing up - we were ready to kill each other (and tried to) on several occasions. I have several memories of us beating on each other - smothering by pillows can be terrifying. But we grew up - and are close - not extraordinarily close - but close. If they weren’t family, I could see having them as friends - that’s a good indicator to me.

So, no - I don’t think I would have liked growing up with no siblings. I’m a loner enough as it is - I think it would have been worse as an only child.

Susan

19

I am the youngest of six.

The oldest is about 11 years older than myself. My brother, the one I don’t speak to anymore, is only 18 months ahead of me. It worked out so that I was only one grade in school behind him.

He made my childhood hellish.

Basically he was, (is?) extremly hyper-active. Today he would be medicated. Bacisally my mom couldn’t controll him and she really didn’t know how bad he was to me all the time. He would get insanely jealous over any attention paid to me. He would ‘accidentally’ break my Christmas presents if they were the ‘cool’ gift that year. (my slot car race track, my Monday Night Football game, many more) He has a very quick mind and could quickly come up with insults for any failing and he would never let anything go.

He remembers a time, (I don’t remember this but I’ve been told the story soooooo many times) when he was in kindergarten and he told everyone that he would sing a song to the entire class. He then got stage fright and couldn’t do it. My mom was there to pick him up and I got up in front of the class and sang the song. (how much is that doggy in the window) He turned to our mother and told her. “I’ll make him pay for that for the rest of his life!” He’s five years old!

So anytime I got a little bit of spotlight, he would be there tear me apart. We had to share a room till I was about 15. Hellish. He was always a little bit stonger but he was mainly emotionally cruel. He decided one summer to make me cry everyday for entertainment. Not by hitting me, just to tease me untill I cried. Once he got that he would be relativly OK to be around. And yes he could be fun, as long as I was the sidekick or the backup singer to him.

So that one particular sibling, I could have done without.

20

I have one full brother and two half brothers. Do I wish they hadn’t existed? Yes. I spent a lot of time wishing I’d never been born myself.

My oldest half brother I don’t really know at all. We’ve only seen eachother maybe a dozen times in our lives. I don’t like him. He is too much like my father.

My other half brother spent one summer with us. The worst summer of my life. That was the summer my grandmother died. I was already hurting and vulnerable. I was 12 years old. He stole from the house and snuck alcohol too. He kept trying to get me to have sex with him. He threatened to hurt my younger brother (he was only 3 at the time) if I told on him. To punctuate the point he took my cat and beat it into the sidewalk until it died.

I tried so hard to shield my little brother from the hell that was our house. He was favored for being a boy so that helped when he was little. As he got older he resented everyone and did all that he could to instigate things. For example, he would kick me repeatedly under the table and my parents knew but if I retaliated in any way they would punish me. I was older and should know better. :rolleyes: I spent most of my teen years being his mother. I went to his baseball games and teacher conferences and boy scout meetings. I left work to take him to the doctor when he broke his arm and my mother refused to leave her work for him.

I would have left home years earlier if not for wanting to try and help him. I love him dearly despite his many many mistakes. He’s currently in prison although I still have some hope he can turn his life around I know he may not. I would have had a much easier life though if not for him. I spent so much time conflicted in my feelings. I love him but at the same time he makes that very difficult!