People may say “Honest is the best policy” but I find that this works against people just as often (if not more so) than it helps them. Its not so much that the only way to get through life is to lie through your teeth, but rather knowing just how literal you have to be about the truth. I noticed that people can often get a little too enthusiastic with the truth. This often happens in situations where they think the more ‘honest’ they are, the more favorable of an outcome. Or it simply does not occur to them that their ‘honesty’ is revealing a lot of incriminating stuff.
I noticed that people that are painfully ‘by the book’ often run into walls when it comes to certain situations- they tend to do poorer at job interviews, have a harder time negotiating a raise/promotion, are more likely to incriminate themselves at work/to the police, and are more likely to unintentionally offend someone or reveal a secret. They’re also more likely to get ‘stuck’ in problems because they simply assume that if they weren’t expressly permitted to do something, it isn’t allowed. They’re also more likely to suffer in an unpleasant job because they fear that complaining or confronting their managers will result in getting fired, so they’d rather muddle through it and be unhappy than be assertive about any issues.
One of the big ways my wife and I are different is that I am much more ‘by the book’ than her. But observing how she interacts with people, I find that I am missing out a lot by not being more creative in how I interact with people. I often find myself admitting “It didn’t occur to me to try/ask that” because I saw the problem in a very linear manner. My wife, on the other hand, will always press for things she feels are reasonable and fair, and never accept its off the table unless its been explicitly stated as such.
It comes to no surprise to me, then, that she has been continuously employed since she was fifteen. When she interviewed for a job, she never let anything that might have put her at a disadvantage trip her up. When her job gave her hours or working conditions she found unacceptable, she addressed it to her manager and told them “Change it or I quit”. None of her employers ever called her bluff, nor has she gotten laid off or fired at any of her jobs.
One thing that has helped me be a bit more shrewd is my current job. At my current job, you are only required to disclose information that is legally mandated. A lot of people have gotten fired because when making an accident report, they included unnecessary information that was far more incriminating than the accident itself. If my employer suspects wrongdoing on my part, its their job to investigate the matter (examining security camera footage, timestamps, witness testimony, etc). I don’t need to help them give me an excuse on why I should be fired!. This happens to people a lot who are on probation, who simply assume our union will do nothing to help a driver still on probation (they won’t arbitrate anything, but you can certainly get a shop steward to give you advice, discuss any issues, sit with you while meeting with a manager to help you out). Since they are ‘by the book’ about it, they inadvertantly let themselves get fired over things that could have just been a slap on the wrist.
Some of the most “by the book” people I’ve known were extremely good at using the book in the most dishonestly creative possible manner…